THE ATWT CHALLENGE

So, here is our plan of attack to clear up our DVR before Darren starts his new full-time job on Monday. We will watch AS THE WORLD TURNS 2 episodes at a time, interspersed with the episodes of FRINGE that are also languishing in our DVR. The marathon has started tonight with the 10/16 episode of ATWT -- poor Janet! I would write more about ATWT but I've got too much to watch to spend time writing about it!

GOODBYE DYLAN BRUCE

My first episode to watch in my sizable AS THE WORLD TURNS backlog was the one from the 15th, which was Dylan Bruce's last episode. He seemed so sad throughout; it made for heartbreaking viewing. What are the producers thinking? Dylan is gorgeous, charismatic and can act. He has great rapport with Bob Hastings and Kathryn Hays. He is the first Chris Hughes I have seen that works for me. Chris is an integral part of Oakdale, and a Chris/Emily/Alison/Casey/Dani plot practically writes itself. If someone has to be let go to pay for Grayson McCouch's return, I think Agim Kaba would be a better choice. Aaron has become increasingly unlikable and strident, with few storyline prospects. While I have enjoyed Agim's performance in the past, especially his scenes with Van Hansis, the current writing team is not playing to his strengths. I think Chris Goutman and Jean Passanante have made a huge mistake in getting rid of Dylan Bruce and his character of Chris Hughes.

On a lighter note, GOSSIP GIRL was positively crackling tonight, which was a relief after last week's lumpy episode. I will even forgive the completely horrendous cover of The Smiths' HOW SOON IS NOW that played, as I hope its inclusion was a sign of Agnes' evil nature. Anyone who loves that version of a classic song is clearly a minion of Satan.

I saw some of GENERAL HOSPITAL tonight. Having not watched the show for a couple of weeks, I was struck by how the tone of the show is all over the place. The scenes I saw, one after the other, were:
1) Nadine and Nicolas engage in romantic comedy banter
2) Lulu nutty in a straitjacket
3) Laura and Scott rehashing their complicated backstory in a plane
4) Luke and Tracy shooting at people in Mexico
NONE of these story threads felt connected to the other. (And I haven't even mentioned everything going on with Patrick and Robin!) GH has ceased to be about anything. Compare this to the GH spinoff, NIGHT SHIFT, which works because it is entirely concentrated in the hospital, which allows the cast and plots to be tighter. The sprawling GH currently seems to be functioning on the principle of throwing everything at a wall and seeing what sticks.

BIANCA!

Today was the first full episode of ALL MY CHILDREN I've seen since Bink's return and I am just over the moon. I don't know how Eden Riegel does it, but she makes Bianca instantly likable, so likable that I could not switch over to THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL when 12:30 rolled around. It looks like things will get even better, with Tamara Braun joining the cast as Bianca's partner and the surprise return of David Hayward today! Thank you Head Writer Chuck Pratt!!!

I saw the first bit of ONE LIFE TO LIVE today and while it is overall very compelling, the sequences of Tina setting dynamite and then putting it out with a pillow because she realized she would blow herself up (!) plus Gigi disguised as a nurse in plain sight of Adriana reeked of PASSIONS. Please, Ron Carlivati, just because James E Reilly is dead, it doesn't mean that you have to fill his void. I think, generally, viewers prefer romance and drama to camp and silliness.

SLOW TRAIN TO OAKDALE

As previously mentioned, I have loads of ATWT lying in wait for me on my DVR. I have all of last week's and today's. I would love to write about last Monday's episode but I can't because my local CBS affiliate pre-empted the ENTIRE show to show us footage of a fire happening very far away. What exactly is the point of that? If there was a fire in my neighborhood I hope to heaven that I wouldn't have to find out about it from my TV -- has anyone's life ever been saved because their favorite soap got interrupted with breaking news?? So no Nuke, Dusty, Reg or Kevin for me. Damn it, Van Hansis was looking so hot the last time he graced my screen. And I've been gagging for some Dusty/Noah interaction. AAAAAAARGHHHHHH!!! When I eventually get a new computer that will actually allow me to watch YouTube, that episode will be the first thing I watch!

I watched a little bit of DAYS OF OUR LIVES today. I was rolling my eyes along with Peter Reckell at Melanie. While I appreciate a love interest for Nick, Melanie is starting to annoy. Someone give her a redeeming quality, quick! On the plus side, Nicole and Sami snarking at each other was fabulous. I love how Nicole is already planning family vacations with the father of her unborn child!

MORE BOYFRIEND BRAGGING

As my boyfriend Darren is away, I yearn for the sound of his voice. So naturally I popped into the DVD player '70s schlock horror fest BEYOND THE DOOR, which stars the lovely Juliet Mills. Readers of this column might know Juliet from her time spent playing Tabitha in the late, unlamented PASSIONS. She is interviewed on the audio commentary by Darren! (And 2 other people who are not my boyfriend and, therefore, matter not.) Darren is terrific on the commentary. He has clearly done his research and his comments are revealing and perceptive. BEYOND THE DOOR might be a movie best enjoyed with many gin and tonics but the commentary is a fascinating peek into big budget '70s exploitation cinema. And I'm not just saying that because my boyfriend is on the commentary!

EMPLOYED BOYFRIEND!

My boyfriend Darren, formerly known as The Unemployed Boyfriend, has got a job! Say hello to the new Tech Services Coordinator at a major film studio! I am so proud of him and I am soooooo happy that we are both employed full-time in today's wretched economic climate.

To add icing on the cake AT THIS VERY MINUTE Darren is at the Shock Till You Drop film festival in San Francisco, where NIGHT OF DARK SHADOWS and HOUSE OF DARK SHADOWS will be shown. As well as being, uniquely, feature films spun off from a daytime soap opera, what is also interesting about these films are the HUGE chunks of footage cut out of them. Darren will be doing a presentation of the lost footage from NODS (which he rediscovered) as well as showing his personal print of HODS. So if you're reading this and live in San Francisco, get off your computer and get down to the Castro NOW!!!

I couldn't make it since I don't want to take any time off from my job, which I'm still new at. So, neither of us is unemployed and our soap watching had decreased dramatically -- you should see our DVR, chock-a-block with AS THE WORLD TURNS and NIGHT SHIFT! Is it time to change the name of this blog?!?

Naaah.

FROM THE BOARDROOM TO THE BORED ROOM

I really enjoyed the scenes on THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS today where Nikki and Phyllis bitched at each other, and the subsequent scenes of Nikki snarking at Adam. I am afraid that I will be tuning out tomorrow, though, since who cares if Ana isn't going to school?

Crazy Pam was given full reign on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL. I love Alley Mills! She manages to go over the top without losing the core of her character. I am concerned that by pushing her so far over the edge Pam will become unredeemable and will disappear from our screens. Let's hope she's another one of those soap characters who is bad because of a brain tumour that can be easily cured!

I'm a bit bored with ALL MY CHILDREN. I am looking forward to the tornado that will bring back Bianca and David and will lead to Tamara Braun joining the show. I'm just tired of Kendall, Ryan, Greenlee, Annie and Zach (though I have fond feelings for Thorsten Kaye from his PORT CHARLES days.) I actively dislike Petey and Colby. Their performances are waaay too undergrad stagy -- both need to tone it down! However, when I see Taylor and Jake my interest perks up, and the show is also getting good mileage out of Carmen and Amanda. Randi is creepy, though. The Boyfriend pointed out that she seems to be wearing colored contacts, which have the unfortunate effect of making the actress unexpressive and possesive of cold, dead eyes. If they were smart, the writers would work in a reference as to how Randi's days as a whore have killed her soul!

ONE LIFE TO LIVE was fortunately spellbinding. Love, love, love Ilene Kristen letting it all hang out emotionally and otherwise -- look at that mascara run for its life! What a jolt after seeing Ilene 30 years ago as Delia in RYAN'S HOPE! Plus, the return of Adriana was dramatically pleasing. It offers her a chance at redemption and Melissa Fumero has really nailed the part.

GENERAL HOSPITAL was sorta good, sorta bad. All the stuff with Big Pussy was contrived and unfunny, even though GH's roster of character actors (Diane, Max, new arrival Vincent Pastore) were on top form. Really liked the scene where Epiphany put Robin and Patrick in their places, though. How unprofessional of them to take their relationship shit out on their staff!

GUIDING LIGHT was torture today. WAAAAAAAAAY too much Grady/Kane Manera for my liking. He is just too limited a performer (and the character of Grady just too repugnant) to carry so much story. Two scenes that stand out for suckiness today were the scenes where Grady tells Dinah he was hitting on her mom and where he brings Lizzie flowers. His facial expressions were woeful; incapable of conveying anything. He also has a real lack of comic timing. I also hated all the scenes of Mallett giving Marina the house. I like domestic soaps as much as anyone, but that storyline was too banal. What next -- Grady and Daisy go to the supermarket together to pick up snacks for the Peapack Craft Services table?

DUSTY! NELL! BUTT BUSTING!

AS THE WORLD TURNS has now become hugely enjoyable with the full-on return of Grayson McCouch as Dusty. He must be the coolest character in soaps -- just look at how he said "Hello gorgeous" to Lucinda. It's wonderful that his return is being explored at length, with juicy reaction scenes being given to everybody who has a history with Dusty. I loved the hell out of Elizabeth Hubbard today and it's a great surprise twist that Lucinda has been Dusty's cohort all along. My only fear is that Noah's fledgling father/son relationship with Dusty will be forgotten. The writers are doing such an excellent job with Dusty's return that I would hate for them to mess up on this.

Plus, INTURN winner Nell Mooney made her debut as Spencer today. I rank her as better than last year's winner, Ryan something who was just lousy as Evan Walsh, but not as good as last year's runner-up, Lauretta Vaughn. The face Spencer made at the sight of Brad's naked torso was very funny, so maybe Spencer will turn out to be a comedic character ala Elwood (who was played by the winner of the first INTURN competition.) I got a kick out of the reference to Katie's Butt Busting video. My boyfriend won a prop of that video at the ATWT Fan Club luncheon!

Another show that was shockingly good today was NIGHT SHIFT. Chad Allen's presence, like Grayson McCouch's in ATWT, just seems to energize everyone involved behind and in front of the camera. His scenes were Kyle were just heartbreaking. The Scorpio family reunion was very affecting, and the Epiphany subplot was compelling. It may have taken a bit of time, but NS is finally unmissable.

SATURDAY NIGHT DOWN THE PUB

Actually, the closest I got to the pub tonight was watching an old episode of RYAN'S HOPE that I DVRed off of SoapNet! (Besides, there are no proper pubs in sunny, soulless Los Angeles.) RYAN'S HOPE is always fun for me to watch because it is the only US soap I've ever seen that feels like a British soap. You've got a show centered around a pub and a close-knit working class family, which is de rigeur for EASTENDERS or CORRIE but somewhat unusual for a daytime American drama. While glitzy, trashy soaps are all good fun, I think in the long run the domestic soap is more fulfilling for the viewer because you really get to know and identify with the characters. I think DAYS OF OUR LIVES tries to do this with the Brady pub, but with mixed results. I buy the Bradys as a family but the pub itself is ludicrous -- can you imagine Johnny and Maeve Ryan running a "green" pub?? (Besides on St Paddy's Day, of course.)