LEMON COUPLE?

In the current issue of SOAP OPERA DIGEST Carolyn Hinsey refers to the "lemon couples" of ALL MY CHILDREN: Brot/Natalia, JR/Marissa, Erica /Ryan and...Adam/Annie. REALLY? I dig Adam and Annie a lot -- a crazy old bastard paired with a young psycho, both played by great actors, makes for riveting viewing. If this pairing is a lemon, then it must be lemonade! (I can't believe I just wrote that.)

While I'm on the subject of SOD columnists, I read with interest Mala Bhattacharjee's blog where she expressed dismay at a South Asian actor appearing on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL ...as a cab driver. Being half South Asian myself, I agree that there are much better roles for South Asian actors in soaps and TV, in general. For example, many South Asians work in the medical profession and that needs more representation now that ER is over. Also, 97% of South Asian women are beautiful and would seem a natural choice for soaps. I mostly appreciate color blind casting, where a person's ethnicity has nothing to do with the role, like Rekha Sharma in BATTLESTAR GALACTICA and V. More along those lines, please!

DAYS OF OUR LIVES continued to astonish. The confrontation in jail between Mia and Nicole was great because Mia said EVERYTHING you wanted to say to Nicole, and did NOT let up. "You're a MONSTER!" she wailed. I know the actress who plays Mia is like, 3 or something, but she rocked!

I also watched ONE LIFE TO LIVE, which showed off the chemistry between McBain and Natalie to good effect, and GENERAL HOSPITAL, where James Franco made his first appearance to the tune of MAD WORLD while wearing a hoodie. Very DONNIE DARKO.

GOODBYE TO PHIL?

It looks like Thom Bierdz is on his way out of THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS, if today's episode was any indication. I think that would be a real shame, as a romance between Philip and Rafe seems a no-brainer to me.

I am enjoying seeing Sarah Brown on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL. Am I the only one who remembers how good she was on AS THE WORLD TURNS as Julia, an ordinary woman who nonetheless managed to bed both Jack and Holden and had the whole town gunning for her as a result? While on the subject of Julia, are ATWT viewers ever going to see Julia's son JJ again or is he stuck in the limbo of soap boarding school?

ALL MY CHILDREN continues to annoy and delight in equal doses. I like the Annie/Adam dynamic very much -- the rest, meh, especially Erica/Ryan, who I don't think anyone wants to see together! The Retired Mom called me up all frantic with worry that AMC's upcoming move to Los Angeles meant all her favorites leaving the cast. I hastened to reassure her that she's only losing Thorsten Kaye, but she wasn't having any of it. "What about Kendall?" "She's staying." "But she had a baby!" "She's on maternity leave." "Well, what about Tad? And Cameron?"and so on. I'm actually only checking out AMC lately since I read in SOAP OPERA DIGEST that Nancy Opel has joined the cast as the Chandler cook. This year I saw Nancy in her triple role onstage in THE TOXIC AVENGER and I can not wait to see her inject some levity into this show!

DAYS OF OUR LIVES was amazing. I was utterly gripped by the whole Nicole baby mess and entertained by the lighter storyline involving Carly and Vivian.

I also watched ONE LIFE TO LIVE -- Brian Kerwin was excellent today, but I didn't like how Natalie was going on about Jared keeping mints on his person at all times and how she loved it because that was BULLSHIT. When the frak did Natalie and Jared ever have these conversations? The writers shouldn't make up personal details for characters that weren't established onscreen beforehand.

GENERAL HOSPITAL was intriguing, but I had to cut my viewing short to go to work on my day off for a health benefits meeting. Hooray for job benefits, but universal health care for all can not come soon enough.

LIKE HILARY DUFF IN GOSSIP GIRL...

...I have been away in Tokyo, so not much chance for soap watching lately. I am enjoying the 6th GOSSIP GIRL novel, NOBODY DOES IT BETTER, and was amused to see an unrecognizable Bradley James (from CORONATION STREET) as a scary clown in THE SARAH JANE ADVENTURES!

xoxo

WHEN BAD STORYLINES HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE

Fastforwarding through AS THE WORLD TURNS from 6/23-29, we only stopped to watch the 6/29 episode in its' entirety -- it featured Nuke, Margo, Casey, Colonel Mayer, Tom, Riley, Damien and some day players. With the exception of Riley, these are some of my favorite characters, played by actors who are always worth watching, even in bad stories. What do we have to do to actually get these talented thespians in a well written plot that actually makes sense? When we watched the Pisces Twins story, I made excuses -- 'Oh this is stupid but I enjoy it anyway because it features actors I like." I'm sick of making excuses. ATWT has recently added a couple of new writers to their team. Let's hope the coming months will bring a rejuvenated ATWT that doesn't feel like a guilty pleasure at best, a lame duck at worst.

DEACON DEBACLE

I caught just a smidge of THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS today, just enough to see that The Return Of Deacon To Another Show just isn't working for me. Maybe because all I remember of Deacon from THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL was that he shagged Bridget on speakerphone so her parents could hear? Yuck!

JOHN HUGHES AND ATWT

John Hughes, the legendary director of THE BREAKFAST CLUB and HOME ALONE (among many others) died August 6. While every youth oriented soap from the '80s on lives in Hughes' shadow, to me it was the character of Gwen on AS THE WORLD TURNS who felt truly plucked from the Hughes canon. Not only a dead ringer for Mary Stuart Masterson in SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL, Jennifer Landon's Gwen was also an aspiring low class rocker and in love with the upper class boy who doesn't think of her romantically. Arguably, straying far from this template in successive stories for Gwen weakened the character, perhaps leading to Jennifer Landon's decision to eventually leave the show. But for a while there, watching Gwen and Will on ATWT was like being in a wonderful John Hughes movie that had the potential to never end.

THESE CHARMING MEN

I'm enjoying DAYS OF OUR LIVES very much nowadays, and am pleased to see Wally Kurth back on the show. He was very good as Sam on AS THE WORLD TURNS last year and I felt ATWT shortchanged his character somewhat by turning him psycho and rapey since Wally just seems like such a nice guy! Here's hoping DOOL gives Justin Kiriakis more to do than defend people on trial.

You know who also seems like a nice guy? GENERAL HOSPITAL's Dominic Zamprogna, who plays Dominic/Dante. There is just something so likable and appealing about him; he has a sense of humor and he's cute! I've just finished watching Dominic's run on BATTLESTAR GALACTICA and he was terrific in a recurring role. Oddly enough, his GALACTICA character was also an undercover cop -- what is it about Dom that screams UNDERCOVER COP at casting people?!? Oh, and his relationship with his MILFtastic mama Olivia is a hoot. She slaps him alongside the head! And he lets her!

This run of charm came to an end with today's viewing of GUIDING LIGHT. I sat there hoping Tom Pelphrey would be in today's show, to no avail. He wasn't in yesterday's show either. I watched the first two episodes of his return and was disappointed at the scarcity of air time and lack of interaction with the other players. I didn't bother to tape Monday or Tuesday's episodes but caught the last two live. If I see that damn convenience store one more time used as a way for characters to interact I'm gonna send Ellen Wheeler CORONATION STREET so she can see that corner shop drama doesn't have to be crap. Oh wait -- there's no point because GL is over! How weird is it to know that no matter how you feel about the current state of GL there is nothing you can do about it because the show has just stopped?!

YES, IT'S NOT A PHOTO FROM TONIGHT'S EVENT BUT IT'S LATE AND I'M TIRED

Fastforwarded through the highly prestigious and intellectually profound TEEN CHOICE awards to see GOSSIP GIRL's Leighton Meester and Chase Crawford get Best Actor and Actress as they picked up GG's award for Best Show, as well as Ed Westwick and Kristen Bell presenting. Ed Westwick was insanely hot in person; his natural British accent and un-Chuck Bass attire of jeans and T-shirt made me want to leap through the TV. Instead, I had a nice cup of Earl Grey and reflected on Ed coming to New York and drinking tea and buying the wrong kind of creamer (an anecdote told better in last year's NEW YORK magazine cover feature on GG.)

SWEET LIBERTY

Briefly watching DAYS OF OUR LIVES' Chad, Will and Mia before watching the 5/28 episode of AS THE WORLD TURNS, (my DVR will never, ever, ever be empty) I realized that Liberty needs another love interest besides Parker, pronto. With Parker the only teenage male on the show there is absolutely no one else for Liberty to gravitate towards and the writers will keep on sticking them together no matter how much Liberty tells Parker to back off as he gets creepier and nastier. Parker's brother JJ needs to be brought back on the show, suitably SORASed and then I can stop worrying about Janet Ciccone's pride and joy spending the rest of her life with the runt of the Snyder litter.

MORE LIKE STULTIFYING

Watched barely entertaining, long forgotten 1991 soap opera spoof DELIRIOUS tonight. Time could have been better spent watching a real soap opera instead of this slapdash TOOTSIE wannabe. Emma Samms and David Rasche are fun, but the damned thing feels like notes for a first draft.

DOT COTTON BLOODY DOT COTTON

In John Schlesinger's interesting 1971 film SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY you can see EASTENDERS' June Brown crying her eyes out spectacularly in one scene. Look fast and you will also see an uncredited Petra Markham, who appeared briefly in EE in 1993 -- she played Rose, who ran off with Pete Beale, only to be horribly killed off screen.

No soaps watched today -- too busy watching depressing bisexual drama, dontchaknow.

NOAH FUCKS SOME SHIT UP

My bloodthirst was appeased by the 5/11 episode of AS THE WORLD TURNS, wherein Noah revealed previously unknown skills at shooting down day players. The look on Luke's face was priceless: "My boyfriend just shot someone! THAT'S HOT!!!"

The following Hunter-centric episode was also fun, but then we saw the preview for the next episode contained the toxic pairing of Paul and Meg, and the ATWT train screeched to a halt. I like Paul with Emily and no one else. I like Meg when she interacts with the rest of the Snyder family. Unfortunately, Paul and Meg together are a recipe for long, barely audible, illogical scenes of game playing, taunting and tedium.

SIX FEET UNDER

Didn't watch a lot of soaps tonight. I did see a bit of DAYS OF OUR LIVES; just enough to see that Casey Deidrick as Chad is HOT! Good bit of casting there. I wonder if hot young actors really do bring da kidz to da soapz or just older gay guys like me?

The bit I saw of THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS was wild. So Philip was never in his coffin? What is going on here? I love Kay bringing up the possibility that Philip's body was dumped out for illegal organ harvesting. In the real world, that actually makes more sense than dead people turning out to be alive and well after all. It's great to see Nina back to deal with the ramifications of this story but my '80s flashback will not be complete until Cricket turns up as well!

DILF DAY

In honor of Father's Day, I'd like to raise a pint to AS THE WORLD TURNS' Damian Grimaldi, Paolo Seganti, surely one of the sexiest older men on soaps today. No wonder Noah is always defending and praising Damian -- that's what his boyfriend Luke is going to look like in 20 years' time!

OW

My head is starting to hurt keeping DAYS OF OUR LIVES' baby drama straight  -- whose baby is whose and who has whose baby?  I saw a spoiler on the new cover of SOAP OPERA DIGEST that promises to either simplify matters or make things even more convoluted!

Speaking of plot twists, I am loving the return of Constance Towers as Helena to GENERAL HOSPITAL.  I love even more that Rebecca is NOT in cahoots with her!  My SOD INSIDER revealed who she is in cahoots with, leading me to utter a melodramatic, queeny shriek that startled The Boyfriend.  Also of note is the relationship between Claudia and Michael.  Even though she is an evil, manipulative cow I actually found myself warming up to Claudia for the first time as she grew closer to Sonny's son.  Is Sarah Brown playing the subtext that as Claudia loses her relationship with her brother Johnny she is gaining a kind of brother in Michael?  I think she is.

GUIDING LIGHT continues to be viewed only in GH's commercials, because I can't take a whole hour in Springfield nowadays.  The way of filming everything is so flat that a potentially exciting scene like Bill's arrest at the climax of today's episode only looks stagy and fake.  I will be watching this show more closely when Tom Pelphrey returns but even then I might just fast-forward to his scenes.  And if I feel this way and I like, often have loved, GL, how does the casual viewer feel when presented with this poor looking show as they flip channels?  GL could have the best story in the world but if the surface is so uninviting viewers are not going to make an effort to get involved in this world.  I genuinely hope other soaps learn lessons from the fatal cost cutting measures GL undertook to save their show, which only ended up destroying it.

MASONRY

Watching ONE LIFE TO LIVE recently has brought back many happy memories of Forbes March (pictured) as Nash, since Jessica was staying with Nash's parents and flashing back to the birth of their child.  I am thrilled that he is joining AS THE WORLD TURNS as Mason, Noah's gay college advisor.  I hope the show makes good use of him!

In theory, I should be loving Rafe and Sami on DAYS OF OUR LIVES as much as the fans and critics do, but I'm just not feeling it.  I think I resent the way that their scenes together scream LOVE THIS NEW SUPERCOUPLE!  Or I might just like Sami better with EJ or Lucas.

I do like Drew Garrett as the SORASed Michael on GENERAL HOSPITAL.  He might just be neck-and-neck with Mick Hazen as Parker on ATWT for the coveted title of Angriest Teen On Daytime With A Woman Named Carly As Their Mother.  Today's episode was also good for giving Alexis something to do and giving her a flirtation with Mark Pinter's character.  Have I mentioned as yet the gorgeousness of the new sets in eye popping High Definition?  The new nurse's station looks like it goes on for miles and miles.  I look forward to the next ball or party in Port Charles!

It is hard for me to summon up any enthusiasm for the dying, camera-phoned GUIDING LIGHT.  From scene to scene it is choppy, verging on the unwatchable.  The bits of it I saw today were only viewed during the commercials for GH.  I wonder if there's any chance that for its last week or so, GL could go back to full studio filming?

FASTER NOAH KILL KILL

The 4/28/09 episode of AS THE WORLD TURNS has one gobsmacking scene where Noah grabs Zoe's head BETWEEN HIS LEGS in order to prevent her from raping his boyfriend. (!!!!)  The violent side of my nature also enjoyed Damien threatening Zoe and Zac with a gun, and wishing he had shot up those fun lovin' criminals so they resembled swiss cheese.

NOT EXACTLY TARANTINO

In the midst of the luridly entertaining AS THE WORLD TURNS episode of 4/27/09, Luke tries to keep Noah conscious by getting Noah to tell him about what sounds suspiciously like Andy Warhol's EMPIRE, even though Luke refers to the Sears building.  What utter rubbish.  Noah would not bring this home to show Luke; it has been clearly established that Noah is a fan of classic Hollywood movies and that his favorite film is THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES.  If my film major boyfriend was about to pass out and I needed to keep him awake, making him recount the story of William Wyler's enthralling masterpiece is a much healthier choice than reciting twaddle about Warhol.  But what do I expect from a plot in which absolutely no character is using common sense?  Instead of all this running around aimlessly, what is surely needed is an angry Lily with a gun -- shooting her son's kidnappers and FUCKING SOME SHIT UP.

ONE TREE HELL

Starting next week, I will no longer be watching Soap Net with my breakfast on Saturday morning, but will be reading a good book instead.  This is due to the aggressively mediocre ONE TREE HILL, a show so bland and generic I literally can not stand the sight of it anymore.

One show I will be watching more of is THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS.  Friday's twist in the episode's closing moments was so simple, yet brilliant and suggestive, that when The Boyfriend came home I sat him down, rewound the DVR and made him watch it.  I did have to explain it to him afterwards, but there is nothing wrong with a show digging into its history to enrich current storylines.  Bravo to whoever is responsible for digging up that clip of Cane and connecting it to Philip!

Regular readers of this blog will know our travails in trying to keep up with AS THE WORLD TURNS.  We watched the episodes from 4/16 and 17 today from out of the depths of our DVR and holy shit -- is Julie Pinson good or what?!?  For my money, there can not be enough scenes of Janet telling Carly off, nor enough of Jack reminding Carly that she abandoned her children for Simon Fraser.  (The latter is another splendid example of soaps using past history to add layers to present story.)  I wish all of ATWT was as brilliant, but if I see another scene of Paul and Meg together continuing their torturous, sadomasochistic-but-not-in-a-good-way relationship, I'm gonna scream.  Or at least read some more of a good book.

WHO WILL DIE ON ALL MY CHILDREN?

I reckon it will be Ryan, because Cameron Mathison has received more exposure from DANCING WITH THE STARS and has seen his hosting duties increase elsewhere.  Plus, everyone seems to hate Ryan being paired with Kendall, so it seems logical for AMC to cut their losses with this character.

I was stuck in ONE LIFE TO LIVE prom land today, what with this afternoon's episode and the musical episode from 2 years ago that Soap Net reran Sunday.  (Though, typically, it was a special 2 part event and Soap Net only ran one part.)  The Pussycat Dolls' English language rendition of "Jai Ho" was horrid, but at least it was limited to the prom so we didn't have to witness Dorian and Vicki pretending to get down to those cheesy skanks.

DAYS OF OUR LIVES entertained me with the scenes between Nicole and Sami.  Their current predicament is so bizarre.  Nicole has Sami's baby but Sami doesn't know it.  Sami has what she thinks is her baby but is actually Mia's but she is passing it off as someone else's.  Nicole knows Sami is lying about her (Sami's) baby but she won't say anything because she (Nicole) wants to hold onto her (Sami's) baby.  So both women are playing a dangerous game which can play out for years if we are unlucky.

Writing that down exhausted me.  I must mention how fabulous GENERAL HOSPITAL looks in High Definition, and how awful GUIDING LIGHT looks in lower-than-low definition.  Did you notice that GL did not obstruct the Abercrombie & Fitch logo on James' jacket?  Could this be because GL forces the actors to wear those own clothes to shooting and the performers don't want their clothes destroyed by gaffing tape?

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

To celebrate Mother's Day, here is a picture of Carol Potter as Cindy Walsh, mom to Brenda and Brandon Walsh in the early, good, charming years of BEVERLY HILLS 90210.  Give me down-to-earth-but-cool Cindy to GOSSIP GIRL's scheming, manipulative, selfish Lily any day!                         

How weird is it that tonight's GG is a backdoor pilot to a LILY spin-off? What  odd apres Mother's Day viewing for a nation of teen girls probably forced to spend time with their Moms the day before.  I think the producers' desire to do an eighties era John Hughes movie (complete with Andrew McCarthy!) every week will be awkward, but I'll reserve full judgement until I see the thing.

WHERE WILL WE NEXT SEE DANIEL COSGROVE?

 Daniel has been a highlight of these last years of GL, particularly in the Ava's baby story, where at times he was holding the entire thing together.  Here's hoping another soap snatches him up -- I hate the new 90210 but wouldn't it be funny if he returned to that show to romance Tori Spelling?

GUIDING LIGHT CANCELLED

It gives me no pleasure to blog about this.  What are the cast and crew going to do?  I don't wish unemployment on anyone, let alone this bunch.  GL should never, ever have gone to all digital video and 80% location shooting.  It makes for a terrible looking show, one which if you happen across  you flip channels away from.

Watching other soaps today was an odd experience, as I wondered what are the chances of other soaps staying on air.  THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS looks like a class act and is the only show shot in High Definition.  It has been top of the ratings for decades, so I think it's safe.  THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL is an international hit and its half hour status makes it automatically cheaper to produce, so that one's a keeper as well.

If you look at the ratings for ONE LIFE TO LIVE, it is actually the show that has lost the least amount of viewers in a decade.  (I swear, I saw it in TV GUIDE when they had an article about Deidre Hall and Drake Hogestyn being fired from DAYS OF OUR LIVES and the resultant death of daytime panic.)  They also know how to spend money wisely -- see the exciting, frequently updated credits that make you WANT to watch the show.  Recently, they pulled off an entire ball on a shoestring.  Plus, their storytelling is superb.  There is always the impression that something is happening in Llanview that is different and unmissable.  By giving each episode an individual title, you are encouraged to think of OLTL as a proper show that you sit down and watch, instead of having on as background.

Unfortunately, I think DOOL will be the next soap on the chopping block.  The show is lacking in energy and buzz and the high profile firings/leavings of popular, mostly long running cast members will not help keep this program on air.

AS THE WORLD TURNS is a difficult case.  While the groundbreaking, chemistry filled Nuke storyline has actually brought new viewers to soaps, the storytelling on ATWT is tired.  Here is my own personal example of the effect ATWT's scripting has had.  I love ATWT enough that I will fly out to New York for the fan club luncheon to meet the wonderful cast.  However, the writing on the show is so lacklustre that I can not keep up with watching ATWT, week in, week out.  I have episodes backed up on my DVR from February.  It is not must see TV for me any longer.  ATWT has to BECOME must see TV or else it will cease to exist.

DIE, DIE, MY DIMERA

They are really stretching out Tony DiMera's demise on DAYS OF OUR LIVES, aren't they?  To be honest, he might have died at the end of today's episode but I didn't watch it because GOSSIP GIRL was calling to me from the DVR!

And a fine episode of GG it was, though one plot twist was stupidly spoiled by the "Previously on GOSSIP GIRL" recap.  By reminding us of the hidden Humphrey child, the seemingly innocuous fan letter Dan got was loaded with Obvious Significance.  I also wasn't too fond of Jenny in this episode; surely she should have spent her unwanted party getting elaborate revenge on the girls who tormented her rather than masochistically wrecking her future abode?

xoxo

TORI SPELLING: AUTEUR

This morning's 90210 rerun was directed by Tori Spelling.  She did a decent job until a scene with Randy Spelling where he is supposed to be doing amusing things behind Janet's back, which failed miserably.  The bit where Donna calls David to tell him to watch SLEEPAWAY CAMP and SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE was equally unconvincing.  The only fun to be had was a walk-on by Eva Longoria as a stewardess, since I realized I could be suffering through DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES instead.

R.I.P. EILEEN HERLIE

Just watched the 12/20/2008 episode of ALL MY CHILDREN that was a special tribute to Eileen Herlie, who played Myrtle.  Wonderfully touching and sad.  I defy anyone to watch the clips of Myrtle accepting Bianca after she came out without welling up with tears.

Also rearing up from the depths of my DVR was the final episode of DAYS OF OUR LIVES to feature Deidre Hall and Drake Hogestyn as Marlena and John.  It was well acted, but a bit rushed.  Did they have to make John Black almost completely immobile in order to get rid of him?  Such an odd end to a legendary character.

To concentrate on today's soap episodes, I am really absorbed by GENERAL HOSPITAL's tale of post-partum depression.  Every wrong move Robin makes startles me, and Patrick's reactions feel authentic.  It's a pity such an honest story stands the risk of being drowned in more mob intrigue and the shenanigans of the unlikable and uncharismatic Ethan.  On another plus side, the scenes between Nicolas, Rebecca, Lucky and Elizabeth were meaty, allowing us to play with the possibility of a Lucky/Rebecca coupling.  Hmmmmm...it could work.

I'm very happy to hear that Don Diamont is joining the cast of THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL to hopefully cut through this near-incestuous knot the show has webbed itself into.  (Quick!  Someone stop that metaphor!)  Of course Thomas tried to kill Rick!  As Thomas himself pointed out, Rick killed his (Thomas') sister and slept with his other sister and mother!!  This show needs a new character who is NOT related to anyone on the canvas!

I also watched episode 5 of DARK SHADOWS.  The mystery of Victoria Winter's parentage is brought up, but a greater mystery is why wasn't this ever resolved?  It's the frakkin' premise of the ENTIRE SHOW!!  Surely the writers in later years could have come up with a way to tie the reveal of Victoria's true family history into the supernatural?  In later years of DS, sometimes the show is just one event after another, with no indication of how the characters are affected emotionally.  Characters cease to have personal goals as they traipse through timelines until all sense of the personalities of the present day characters is lost.  I bet if DS had stayed in contemporary Collinwood, it would still be on the air today.  Character always wins out over plot in the world of daytime drama.

INFINITE JEST, 90210 STYLE

My breakfast viewing of 90210 reruns on SoapNet entered a strange era of the show I am not familiar with at all.  Dylan is leading a community center for drug addict rehab and fucking up anyone who gets in the way?  When did this happen?!?

My after work viewing of SoapNet's YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS marathon yielded the astonishing scenes where Sharon actually, literally begs Phyllis not to tell Jack about her affair with Billy.  Yikes, Sharon was a frakkin' mess!  I liked how she slipped up and mentioned Brad instead of Billy, indicating how this is all some serious post-Brad trauma.  It may annoy when Y&R kills off beloved characters but at least the show plays out the consequences.

WHY CAN'T RON CARLIVATI BE HEAD WRITER FOR AS THE WORLD TURNS?

As I watched yesterday and today's episodes of ONE LIFE TO LIVE, I was struck by how much more involving Llanview is than Oakdale.  Plots intersect, scenes end on hooks that keep you watching through the commercials, and characters interact in believable ways even when the stories are a trifle far-fetched.  Meanwhile, ATWT episodes from the beginning of February languish in my DVR.  Que lastima.

GENERAL HOSPITAL has been hit-and-miss lately, but today's episode was mostly hit.  I enjoyed Alexis covering for a hiding Winifred by claiming Winifred's muffled intake of breath was a fart.  I like the interplay between Olivia and Sonny, and the quietly shocking story of Robin running away to flirt with bartenders who have opera tickets.  (Unlike Robin, I would have gone to the opera, but hey, I'm easy that way.)

I watched a little bit of DAYS OF OUR LIVES and was pleased to see more Mya.  She underplays everything and I think she'll be a good match with Will.  Plus, I am a sentimental sucker for performers that were only supposed to be short-term but wind up with contracts.  More Mya and less Molly Burnett please!  I especially hated how Melanie played the "I'm only 18!" card today.  You can't expect to be taken seriously as a business woman only to blame your missteps on youthful folly!  (That is the most ridiculously Victorian phrase I have ever used in my writing, ever.)  Mya revealing all to Tony DiMera is potentially a good twist, but ruined for me by the knowledge that Tony will not be in the show for much longer.

Watched the scene on You Tube where GUIDING LIGHT's Grady gets pushed off a cliff.  Well, at least a dummy of Kane Manera did, anyway.  Hooray!  I can't believe we're supposed to feel sorry for Daisy!  To paraphrase Joy Behar, "Who cares?  So what?"

To return to OLTL, wasn't it fun to see Dan Gauthier show up on LOST as Jeff Fahey's co-pilot?  I always melodramatically overreact to surprise appearances of ex-soap stars in my favorite shows.  When his name appeared in the credits, I murmured under my breath "Oh my God..." but did not tell The Boyfriend why until the first commercial.  I am sure it is my air of mystery that keeps him enthralled.

Speaking of The Boyfriend, he gave me the ATWT tie-in novel THE MAN FROM OAKDALE as a birthday gift Monday.  It is hugely enjoyable so far, with a fanwanky plot that takes in appearances from Sierra, Frannie and Sabrina, and Will and Gwen!  Henry and Vienna are characterized very well, with their written escapades being preferable to all the baby nonsense they are going through on the television show.  I wish there was a book such as this for ALL MY CHILDREN's Reese and Bianca, an engaging couple given short shrift on TV who might be a great pair to write a novel about.  I would love to read about their courtship and shacking up together, rather than see Reese fall through glass and get blinded by her heterosexual crush.

FRAUGHT SHADOWS

Work was very stressful today and I didn't have much time for viewing after work, only managing Episode 4 of DARK SHADOWS at around midnight.  Really, really good escapism when you're feeling a bit down.  My recent rewatching of DS also makes me think one episode a day is the best way to approach this show, which can seem annoyingly artificial when consumed en masse.

VIVA ALLEY MILLS!

How great was Alley Mills on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL today?  It's tricky to get all dramatic when you're playing a comedic character but Alley pulled it off.  I felt so sorry for Pam!  Plus, Stephanie becomes 100% more likable when defending her sister.

THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS was also very good.  I enjoyed seeing Ely Pouget as Kay's doctor.  She was one of the stars of the short-lived '90s revival of DARK SHADOWS and also appeared in LA TAKEDOWN, Michael Mann's TV movie trial run for HEAT.  Hooray for surviving the '90s!

ALL MY CHILDREN was not so hot.  Despite interesting new characters like Taylor and Brot, Chuck Pratt's take on Pine Valley has amounted to a big heap of nothing.  I don't care about Zach and Kendall nor do I find it believable that Krystal would be so taken in by David.  Don't get me started on the travesty of Bianca and Reese and how daytime's first lesbian marriage was completely undone by having Reese kiss Zach the day before the wedding! 

ONE LIFE TO LIVE continues to thrive.  The way the plots intersect is ingenious and it's nice to see a show that makes room for fun supporting characters like Moe and Noelle while strengthening new characters like Ray and Stacy.  I am starting to see some serious chemistry between Dorian and Ray that I hope they run with!

DAYS OF OUR LIVES continues to be a bit meh.  Now that Sami is back in town and I've got a chance to see her interact with the 3 men in her life, I'm going to say Lucas is the man for her.  Alison Sweeney and Bryan Datillo are doing a very good job of interacting with the SORASed Will, who is certainly better looking than the old Will but hasn't quite convinced me yet that he is Sami and Lucas' offspring.

Speaking of unconvincing offspring, I have the ghastly feeling that Ethan on GENERAL HOSPITAL will be revealed as the son of Holly and/or Robert Scorpio in a blatant attempt to curry audience affection.  I'm not liking this "lovable scoundrel" one bit; he's not attractive or charming despite everyone on screen telling us he is!  He looks like a bad carbon copy of Tom Pelphrey.  In fact, could Ethan have been the role on GH that Tom Pelphrey was rumored to be up for, as hinted in SOAP OPERA DIGEST?  It would explain Ethan's look and bad boy behavior, which would seem tailor made for Tom -- who could actually have pulled this character off.

LOVED Olivia and Natalia on GUIDING LIGHT today!  Their scenes are so full of believable awkwardness and tension.  Curious to see how much Doris' newly exposed lesbianism will impact the rest of the show -- how about some emotional scenes with her daughter Ashlee, played by the fabulous but underused Caitlin Van Zandt?

Inspired by a new book by Jeff Thompson , THE TELEVISION HORRORS OF DAN CURTIS, I watched an episode of DARK SHADOWS for the first time in many, many months.  It was the second episode of the series and the biggest giggles came from Joan Bennett traipsing around her mansion at all hours of the night, in full evening gown and pearls.  She didn't so much project class as daftness, especially with the implication that she cooks everyone's meals and does the household chores in the same outfit!

WHY CRYSTAL HUNT IS BETTER THAN MOLLY BURNETT

Because she can act!

Seriously, ONE LIFE TO LIVE's Stacy and DAYS OF OUR LIVES' Melanie are both bad to the bone but I enjoy watching Stacy because Crystal Hunt is one stone cold bitch.  DOOL's Melanie, on the other hand, keeps trying to play the "I'm really vulnerable and sympathetic!  Enjoy my mischief!" card that becomes extremely tiresome in the hands of Molly Burnett, who overdoes the infantile pout something fierce.  I also enjoyed seeing Vanessa booted out of Llanview.  She was such an odd, bland character whose motivations were never clear.

GUIDING LIGHT continues to be on an upswing, despite being bookended with Kane Manera scenes.   Any time there are scenes with Reva, Jeffrey, Philip, Buzz and Alan I am glued to the screen.  If there's one thing GL does well, it is grief and its consequences -- remember, GL only started to get good about 5 years ago when it appeared Philip had been killed.    Now, if this absurd Lizzie kidnapping plot comes to a conclusion and Ellen Wheeler takes a leap and makes Natalia and Olivia lovers, GL might just become my new favorite show.  Though I am starting to wonder about Ashlee.  Shouldn't we be seeing her reaction to Coop's death?  (Full disclaimer: I haven't been watching every episode, so apologies if I missed some prime Caitlin Van Zandt emoting.)  

I haven't written about AS THE WORLD TURNS in ages.  That's because our DVR is insanely backed up and we only watched the episode from 1/23/09 tonight!  It is hard to get motivated to watch this show when there isn't a Nuke storyline running.  It is even harder when a boxset of BATTLESTAR GALACTICA is competing for your viewing!  Hopefully we will get caught up in time for the ATWT fan club luncheon in April. Onwards!

I LIKE IT LIKE THAT

The GOSSIP GIRL books are better than the TV series because by book 5 Chuck Bass is experimenting with being gay out of sheer boredom, and Jenny Humphrey has also been in touch with her queer side.  In the current climate of MILK love, I want to see more gay stuff on my TV, but especially in GOSSIP GIRL!  Interestingly, gay Eric and his boyfriend are original creations of the TV show.  In the books, Serena does have a brother named Eric but he is older and straight. So GOSSIP GIRL the TV show is definitely gay friendly; how about also giving more airtime to gay stories instead of blink-and-you-miss-them  marginal characters and daft stories about secret whore clubs for straight old men?

You know you love me.

GOODBYE MARY BETH EVANS AND STEPHEN NICHOLS

Watching DAYS OF OUR LIVES today was rather masochistic.   Steve and Kayla's final scenes sucked royally, giving no opportunity for the actors to provide a sense of closure to their characters, thus depriving the viewer of a happy ending to a beloved couple.  Add to that Molly Burnett's childish whine as the annoying Melanie, the pain of seeing the fabulous Chelsea getting a storyline with Max as we know Rachel Melvin is leaving and Nicole's nightmare that stretched OVER A COMMERCIAL BREAK and it's no wonder I'm switching to ONE LIFE TO LIVE!

The aftermath of the Go Red ball was quite compelling, culminating in the discovery that Marty was lying next to the corpse of someone from I WANNA BE A SOAP STAR. Actually, I've completely forgotten his name but the actor did very well in his stint, certainly better than INTURN winner Ryan in ATWT.  The use of flashbacks was handled well, too.  Hooray for a show that screams confidence while other shows like DOOL seem ashamed to hold onto their best assets.

RACHEL NOT GETTING MARRIED BUT LEAVING THE SHOW INSTEAD

With the news that Rachel Melvin is leaving DAYS OF  OUR LIVES, I now have even more reason to spend my 1-2PM hour watching ONE LIFE TO LIVE instead.  With Chelsea gone, what young girl on the show are we supposed to root for?  GOSSIP GIRL wannabe Melanie?  Good grief.

On GENERAL HOSPITAL today, I found Olivia throwing away the DVD incriminating Claudia to be very contrived.  There was no point to Olivia doing that; the only reason it happened was to prolong Claudia Zacchara's life beyond the point of common sense.  Seriously, there is no reason for any of the Zaccharas to still be alive, considering how they have wronged everyone in Port Charles who has access to a gun.  GH should cut its losses and get rid of this daft family once and for all!  Preferably in a blaze of gunfire.

On the Internet front, I have greatly enjoyed watching the 2007 reality show INTURN 2 on cbs.com.  In it, aspiring actors vie to win a 13 week contract on AS THE WORLD TURNS.  Year 2 of the show is gobsmackingly great for 97% of it's run.  Never have I seen such a group of people in a reality show that were just so much fun to watch, from evil hell bitch Natalie, to cute but dim Adam, to the genuinely talented Lauretta Vaughn.  The only bad thing about the whole show was the final segment, which is anti-climatic and a bit dull.  Plus, the person who won turned out to be terrible on ATWT and was killed off!

I finished reading the third GOSSIP GIRL novel, ALL I WANT IS EVERYTHING, and the books are proving to be just as addictive as the TV show, only with an extra layer of wit and satire that inches the books ahead of the show a smidge.  And once you read about the character of Adam on the page, you realize that the show's miscasting and rewriting of this pivotal player is one of TV GG's biggest fumbles.

But no matter how flawed GG might get, it is always 300 million times better than the main GG rip-off, the horrifying new series of 90210.  I was forcibly reminded of this as a street near my destination tonight was blocked off to turn a corner restaurant into the frakkin' Peach Pit!  90210?  More like 90036!

xoxo

THE HOURGLASS IS RUNNING OUT

With the news that DAYS OF OUR LIVES is getting rid of Patch and Kayla, I have to wonder just how long this show can continue.  I think it's time for a deathmatch between DOOL and GUIDING LIGHT.  Which will be cancelled first?  My money is on DOOL.  At least GL is trying to lure viewers with pseudo lesbians and Phillip Happens Here. (The latter is GL's bewildering new ad slogan for the return of Grant Aleksander.  Are they trying to compare him to shit?!?) All DOOL is doing is driving viewers away by firing their favorite actors!

I saw a little bit of ONE LIFE TO LIVE tonight and was happy to see Scott Clifton.  I loved the hell out of him as Dillon on GENERAL HOSPITAL, and that's not just because my boyfriend was a film major in college as well!  I'm not sure what OLTL has planned for Scott's new character of Mr. J.  I would love for him to find out Todd's involvement in his Mom's death, leading to a final, definite Death of Todd story but we all know that's not going to happen.  Yes, all soaps need a good villain, but isn't Todd past the point of redemption many times over?

xoxo I HATE MY DVR

My DVR decided not to record GOSSIP GIRL(pictured left) tonight, leaving me in a pissy mood at the end of an irksome day.  Was DAYS OF OUR LIVES entertaining enough to make me not regret missing GG? No.

Regular readers of this blog will know of my unfortunate habit of letting AS THE WORLD TURNS pile up on my DVR.  Tonight I finally watched the episode from Monday, January 19!  This must be a new low for me.  At this rate, I won't see Eric William Morris' return until 2010.  If ATWT featured Nuke more often, though, I'd be gleefully sitting down to nightly marathons instead of treating the show as a chore.  

LESBIANS AND LOST

The powers that be have really got to stop pushing Reese and Zach together on ALL MY CHILDREN.  How many times does Reese or Zach have to get upset and hug or kiss each other just as Bianca walks in?  I am sick of it!

DAYS OF OUR LIVES is an odd show to watch right now.  With Drake Hogestyn and Deidre Hall's days (ho, ho) numbered, the show makes for uneasy viewing.  John and Marlena are what DOOL is about!  There is some comfort to be had from the show's other veteran supercouples.  Bo and Hope had some good scenes today just chatting about how hard it is to make time to be with each other.  Good, non-melodramatic character stuff.

I was amused by the faux-lesbian kiss on GUIDING LIGHT.  I found Natalia's scene with Emma's teacher, explaining that she and Olivia are not a couple but that doesn't make them any less of a family, to be surprisingly moving.  In fact, I think this is the first time EVER that I've found Jessica Leccia warm and appealing!  Unfortunately, it seems to me that GL is trying to have its cake and eat it, too.  They can have Jessica and Crystal Chappell's chemistry as a couple without having to take the step of making them a sexual couple and enraging homophobes.  Look here Ellen Wheeler -- take the Lesbian Leap.  Your show's only getting 1.4 million viewers!  How could making Olivia and Natalia actual lesbians actually hurt the show?

On the other side of my remote that hour was GENERAL HOSPITAL.  So, how dead is Leyla now that she's found happiness with an off-screen fiance?  I see on the SOAP OPERA DIGEST website that Nadine is off as well, even though she claims she won't be engulfed in the balls of flame set to destroy the nurses' station.  I'll be watching, mental fire extinguisher at my side.

My non-soap viewing tonight was the season premiere of LOST, featuring the ubiquitous ex-NEIGHBOURS actor Alan Dale.  I've mentioned him before on this blog, so suffice to say how good he is at playing evil businessmen with a minimum of screen time that cast a shadow over their entire show.  Alan is such a reliable corporate baddie, I fully expect to see him pop up in every show I watch, one time or the other.  Has he met with the producers of MAD MEN or 30 ROCK yet?

COCKS UNBLOCKED

I don't have time for a full blog entry tonight (it's a work night and how fun is it to say that with unemployment now a distant memory?) but I just have to congratulate AS THE WORLD TURNS for a wonderful episode.  Not only did Luke and Noah FINALLY have sex, but it was hot as hell!  Plus, Nuke getting back together drove story for Lucinda, Casey, Alleycat and Jade as well.  Kudos to all involved.  And special props to Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann for creating the best couple on daytime, gay or straight.   I don't think I've ever rooted for a duo so much, ever.

100 POSTS! and BONE MARROW BLUES

Wow!  This is my hundredth blog entry!  By pure coincidence, I watched the New Year's Eve episode of AS THE WORLD TURNS tonight, which was a kind of celebration of why I watch soaps through its sheer excellence.  It was just one great scene after another -- Lucinda yells at Jade, Billy Magnussen gets naked except for his wristwatch and Luke drunkenly kisses Brian, ruining his chances of a New Year's Eve virginity losing fuckfest with Noah.  Whew!  My New Year's Eve sucked royally but watching this episode actually made me realize it could have been much, much worse.  I did not kiss my step-grandfather nor did I have the chance of sex with Billy Magnussen and turn it down.   The only couple on ATWT enjoying the New Year were Bonnie and Derek, who are fast growing on me because Chauntee Schuler is too pretty not to have a storyline and Benton Greene is supercool when he yells at Jade.  Actually, everyone is cool when they yell at Jade and her scenes with Luke and Lucinda in this episode were gems. And it goes without saying that Van/Jake and Billy/Marnie broke my heart.

This episode was sandwiched in my viewing today between bone marrow melodramas.  The vintage  episode of 90210 I caught half of this morning was ridiculously tawdry, as Valerie contemplated if it was the right thing to donate her bone marrow to a dying child molester.  Last Friday's ATWT was also full of the marrow o'bone, relieved somewhat by snarky Craig.  This week looks unmissable if the trailer is anything to go by -- "your gay husband", indeed.  I love that Casey and Alleycat will be bringing Nuke back together.  Having the cutest couples on the show interact can only be a good thing.

JAMES SCOTT FOR NEW DOCTOR WHO!!!

Hey, why not?  He's hot, he's British, and DAYS OF OUR LIVES surely will be gone before 2010 at the rate they're going through their cast so I say goodbye EJ DiMera and hello DOCTOR WHO!  Hell, in less than 10 hours all speculation will be moot so see this as the last hurrah for 11th Doctor musings.

In less topical topics, I was entertained by the first half of a BEVERLY HILLS 90210 rerun this morning where Valerie has to buy Kelly a Christmas gift for highly contrived reasons.  Why doesn't one of those girls just leave the room when her sworn enemy enters it?  Because then there would be NO SHOW.