VIVIAN IS STILL IN THE COFFIN

..so I'm not really watching DAYS OF OUR LIVES right now, sorry! I love Louise Sorel (pictured) but this story should have lasted 2 days tops! This is the kind of crap that sunk PASSIONS.

I have been watching more of ONE LIFE TO LIVE, thanks to the casting of Kim Zimmer and Jessica Leccia from GUIDING LIGHT and Terri Columbino from AS THE WORLD TURNS. However, the hand of ex-ATWT writer Jean Passanante can be felt now that she writes for OLTL. This woman's credo? When in doubt on how to use a character, turn 'em psycho and get them out of town! Sigh.

That being said, I am really enjoying the Psycho Lisa storyline on GENERAL HOSPITAL. It is fascinating that Lisa wasn't killed off or sent to an asylum, as she continues to work at the hospital and everyone just has to deal with it. Today, when Sonny asked Robin if she wanted him to kill Lisa -- how many of us were screaming at the TV "SAY YES!!!" But it is in keeping with Robin's character that she wouldn't do that. Also good viewing was any scene with Adrienne Barbeau and/or Spinelli. I still want Suzanne to mix it up with more people, but her dumbfounded "Is that a kind of code?" response to Spinelli's babblings was very funny. I'm still hoping for Spinelli to get back with Maxie. They just don't sparkle with anyone else the same way.

THE BRUISED, BROKEN BEAUTY OF TOM PELPHREY

Regular readers of this blog will be aware of the DVR issues surrounding our AS THE WORLD TURNS viewing -- namely, I'm still catching up on episodes from November of last year! Tonight we got back in the game with the 11/17 and 18 episodes, featuring Tom Pelphrey (pictured left) with a tremendous nosebleed, the return of Lesli Kay's fabulous Molly, and the erection killer of Luke's parents adopting his boyfriend Noah, thus making them brothers. Yuck! (Yuck not directed at the aforementioned Lesli Kay!)

JET LAGGED DAYTIME EMMYS

Hey, I've been in London so I wasn't able to watch the Daytime Emmys until tonight. Very glad I successfully avoided all spoilers and even happier that AS THE WORLD TURN's Maura West, Julie Pinson and, most especially, Michael Park were all deservedly awarded. The show itself was a mess but I'll forgive it anything for giving my soap some love! (West and Park are pictured left.)

JUDI, DREW AND A CRAPPY SHOW OR TWO

I only saw a bit of DAYS OF OUR LIVES today but was pleased to see Judi Evans back as Adrienne Kiriakis. I loved her recent stint as Maeve on AS THE WORLD TURNS and thought they could have done more with her and Holden.

GENERAL HOSPITAL was excellent today, even as I fear the dark storylines might be driving viewers away, judging by the low ratings. I don't know what has led to the recasting of Michael. Drew Garrett (pictured) is a powerhouse; if for some reason he can't do the show anymore I say throw Michael in jail and don't let him out until Drew can play him again. Aside from that, the scenes where Ethan and Luke talk about Luke's rape of Laura were powerful and well-written. I'm glad GH doesn't just sweep that under the carpet.

Because my DVR is full and I must tape CAPRICA tomorrow, I watched last week's GOSSIP GIRL, which was lukewarm. Who cares about Chuck's mother (even if she is played by MULHOLLAND DRIVE's Laura Harring) or Serena's father? This show should exist in a parentless vacuum. Let's hope the last episode is (was?) better.

WHY AS THE WORLD TURNS WILL NEVER DIE FOR ME

Because we have episodes going back to November 11 2009 clogging up our DVR, that's why! Tonight we watched Tom Pelphrey's first episode, where he brought a theatrical intensity to even this loopy story of youth serums, James Stenbeck and ingenue grabbing on stairwells.

NO GAY LIVES TO LIVE

TV GUIDE's website has broke the news that ONE LIFE TO LIVE's Kyle and Fish (Scott Evans, pictured) are out of the show. This is just appalling; OLTL should not get rid of a story generating, front burner couple with a fanbase, regardless of sexual orientation. I have never appreciated AS THE WORLD TURNS more for Luke, Noah, Doctor Reid and a host of other gay supporting characters.

So ATWT, OLTL and DOOL all air at the same time in Los Angeles. I will be taping ATWT, watching DOOL and ignoring OLTL unless they get their shit together. DOOL is very good right now. I used to be the biggest EJ/Sami supporter until recently, as EJ has gone past the point of no return with his babyknapping activities. Is the only person who can be paired with EJ now the equally dastardly Nicole?

GENERAL HOSPITAL was great today, with special mention having to be made of the way minor characters like Bernie's secretary and Alexis' receptionist are written and performed. They are given just enough twists of personality to make them interesting and fun so there is no filler in the show. Hooray for good writing and acting!

GOODBYE TO PHIL?

It looks like Thom Bierdz is on his way out of THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS, if today's episode was any indication. I think that would be a real shame, as a romance between Philip and Rafe seems a no-brainer to me.

I am enjoying seeing Sarah Brown on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL. Am I the only one who remembers how good she was on AS THE WORLD TURNS as Julia, an ordinary woman who nonetheless managed to bed both Jack and Holden and had the whole town gunning for her as a result? While on the subject of Julia, are ATWT viewers ever going to see Julia's son JJ again or is he stuck in the limbo of soap boarding school?

ALL MY CHILDREN continues to annoy and delight in equal doses. I like the Annie/Adam dynamic very much -- the rest, meh, especially Erica/Ryan, who I don't think anyone wants to see together! The Retired Mom called me up all frantic with worry that AMC's upcoming move to Los Angeles meant all her favorites leaving the cast. I hastened to reassure her that she's only losing Thorsten Kaye, but she wasn't having any of it. "What about Kendall?" "She's staying." "But she had a baby!" "She's on maternity leave." "Well, what about Tad? And Cameron?"and so on. I'm actually only checking out AMC lately since I read in SOAP OPERA DIGEST that Nancy Opel has joined the cast as the Chandler cook. This year I saw Nancy in her triple role onstage in THE TOXIC AVENGER and I can not wait to see her inject some levity into this show!

DAYS OF OUR LIVES was amazing. I was utterly gripped by the whole Nicole baby mess and entertained by the lighter storyline involving Carly and Vivian.

I also watched ONE LIFE TO LIVE -- Brian Kerwin was excellent today, but I didn't like how Natalie was going on about Jared keeping mints on his person at all times and how she loved it because that was BULLSHIT. When the frak did Natalie and Jared ever have these conversations? The writers shouldn't make up personal details for characters that weren't established onscreen beforehand.

GENERAL HOSPITAL was intriguing, but I had to cut my viewing short to go to work on my day off for a health benefits meeting. Hooray for job benefits, but universal health care for all can not come soon enough.

WHEN BAD STORYLINES HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE

Fastforwarding through AS THE WORLD TURNS from 6/23-29, we only stopped to watch the 6/29 episode in its' entirety -- it featured Nuke, Margo, Casey, Colonel Mayer, Tom, Riley, Damien and some day players. With the exception of Riley, these are some of my favorite characters, played by actors who are always worth watching, even in bad stories. What do we have to do to actually get these talented thespians in a well written plot that actually makes sense? When we watched the Pisces Twins story, I made excuses -- 'Oh this is stupid but I enjoy it anyway because it features actors I like." I'm sick of making excuses. ATWT has recently added a couple of new writers to their team. Let's hope the coming months will bring a rejuvenated ATWT that doesn't feel like a guilty pleasure at best, a lame duck at worst.

JOHN HUGHES AND ATWT

John Hughes, the legendary director of THE BREAKFAST CLUB and HOME ALONE (among many others) died August 6. While every youth oriented soap from the '80s on lives in Hughes' shadow, to me it was the character of Gwen on AS THE WORLD TURNS who felt truly plucked from the Hughes canon. Not only a dead ringer for Mary Stuart Masterson in SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL, Jennifer Landon's Gwen was also an aspiring low class rocker and in love with the upper class boy who doesn't think of her romantically. Arguably, straying far from this template in successive stories for Gwen weakened the character, perhaps leading to Jennifer Landon's decision to eventually leave the show. But for a while there, watching Gwen and Will on ATWT was like being in a wonderful John Hughes movie that had the potential to never end.

THESE CHARMING MEN

I'm enjoying DAYS OF OUR LIVES very much nowadays, and am pleased to see Wally Kurth back on the show. He was very good as Sam on AS THE WORLD TURNS last year and I felt ATWT shortchanged his character somewhat by turning him psycho and rapey since Wally just seems like such a nice guy! Here's hoping DOOL gives Justin Kiriakis more to do than defend people on trial.

You know who also seems like a nice guy? GENERAL HOSPITAL's Dominic Zamprogna, who plays Dominic/Dante. There is just something so likable and appealing about him; he has a sense of humor and he's cute! I've just finished watching Dominic's run on BATTLESTAR GALACTICA and he was terrific in a recurring role. Oddly enough, his GALACTICA character was also an undercover cop -- what is it about Dom that screams UNDERCOVER COP at casting people?!? Oh, and his relationship with his MILFtastic mama Olivia is a hoot. She slaps him alongside the head! And he lets her!

This run of charm came to an end with today's viewing of GUIDING LIGHT. I sat there hoping Tom Pelphrey would be in today's show, to no avail. He wasn't in yesterday's show either. I watched the first two episodes of his return and was disappointed at the scarcity of air time and lack of interaction with the other players. I didn't bother to tape Monday or Tuesday's episodes but caught the last two live. If I see that damn convenience store one more time used as a way for characters to interact I'm gonna send Ellen Wheeler CORONATION STREET so she can see that corner shop drama doesn't have to be crap. Oh wait -- there's no point because GL is over! How weird is it to know that no matter how you feel about the current state of GL there is nothing you can do about it because the show has just stopped?!

SWEET LIBERTY

Briefly watching DAYS OF OUR LIVES' Chad, Will and Mia before watching the 5/28 episode of AS THE WORLD TURNS, (my DVR will never, ever, ever be empty) I realized that Liberty needs another love interest besides Parker, pronto. With Parker the only teenage male on the show there is absolutely no one else for Liberty to gravitate towards and the writers will keep on sticking them together no matter how much Liberty tells Parker to back off as he gets creepier and nastier. Parker's brother JJ needs to be brought back on the show, suitably SORASed and then I can stop worrying about Janet Ciccone's pride and joy spending the rest of her life with the runt of the Snyder litter.

NOAH FUCKS SOME SHIT UP

My bloodthirst was appeased by the 5/11 episode of AS THE WORLD TURNS, wherein Noah revealed previously unknown skills at shooting down day players. The look on Luke's face was priceless: "My boyfriend just shot someone! THAT'S HOT!!!"

The following Hunter-centric episode was also fun, but then we saw the preview for the next episode contained the toxic pairing of Paul and Meg, and the ATWT train screeched to a halt. I like Paul with Emily and no one else. I like Meg when she interacts with the rest of the Snyder family. Unfortunately, Paul and Meg together are a recipe for long, barely audible, illogical scenes of game playing, taunting and tedium.

DILF DAY

In honor of Father's Day, I'd like to raise a pint to AS THE WORLD TURNS' Damian Grimaldi, Paolo Seganti, surely one of the sexiest older men on soaps today. No wonder Noah is always defending and praising Damian -- that's what his boyfriend Luke is going to look like in 20 years' time!

MASONRY

Watching ONE LIFE TO LIVE recently has brought back many happy memories of Forbes March (pictured) as Nash, since Jessica was staying with Nash's parents and flashing back to the birth of their child.  I am thrilled that he is joining AS THE WORLD TURNS as Mason, Noah's gay college advisor.  I hope the show makes good use of him!

In theory, I should be loving Rafe and Sami on DAYS OF OUR LIVES as much as the fans and critics do, but I'm just not feeling it.  I think I resent the way that their scenes together scream LOVE THIS NEW SUPERCOUPLE!  Or I might just like Sami better with EJ or Lucas.

I do like Drew Garrett as the SORASed Michael on GENERAL HOSPITAL.  He might just be neck-and-neck with Mick Hazen as Parker on ATWT for the coveted title of Angriest Teen On Daytime With A Woman Named Carly As Their Mother.  Today's episode was also good for giving Alexis something to do and giving her a flirtation with Mark Pinter's character.  Have I mentioned as yet the gorgeousness of the new sets in eye popping High Definition?  The new nurse's station looks like it goes on for miles and miles.  I look forward to the next ball or party in Port Charles!

It is hard for me to summon up any enthusiasm for the dying, camera-phoned GUIDING LIGHT.  From scene to scene it is choppy, verging on the unwatchable.  The bits of it I saw today were only viewed during the commercials for GH.  I wonder if there's any chance that for its last week or so, GL could go back to full studio filming?

FASTER NOAH KILL KILL

The 4/28/09 episode of AS THE WORLD TURNS has one gobsmacking scene where Noah grabs Zoe's head BETWEEN HIS LEGS in order to prevent her from raping his boyfriend. (!!!!)  The violent side of my nature also enjoyed Damien threatening Zoe and Zac with a gun, and wishing he had shot up those fun lovin' criminals so they resembled swiss cheese.

NOT EXACTLY TARANTINO

In the midst of the luridly entertaining AS THE WORLD TURNS episode of 4/27/09, Luke tries to keep Noah conscious by getting Noah to tell him about what sounds suspiciously like Andy Warhol's EMPIRE, even though Luke refers to the Sears building.  What utter rubbish.  Noah would not bring this home to show Luke; it has been clearly established that Noah is a fan of classic Hollywood movies and that his favorite film is THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES.  If my film major boyfriend was about to pass out and I needed to keep him awake, making him recount the story of William Wyler's enthralling masterpiece is a much healthier choice than reciting twaddle about Warhol.  But what do I expect from a plot in which absolutely no character is using common sense?  Instead of all this running around aimlessly, what is surely needed is an angry Lily with a gun -- shooting her son's kidnappers and FUCKING SOME SHIT UP.

ONE TREE HELL

Starting next week, I will no longer be watching Soap Net with my breakfast on Saturday morning, but will be reading a good book instead.  This is due to the aggressively mediocre ONE TREE HILL, a show so bland and generic I literally can not stand the sight of it anymore.

One show I will be watching more of is THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS.  Friday's twist in the episode's closing moments was so simple, yet brilliant and suggestive, that when The Boyfriend came home I sat him down, rewound the DVR and made him watch it.  I did have to explain it to him afterwards, but there is nothing wrong with a show digging into its history to enrich current storylines.  Bravo to whoever is responsible for digging up that clip of Cane and connecting it to Philip!

Regular readers of this blog will know our travails in trying to keep up with AS THE WORLD TURNS.  We watched the episodes from 4/16 and 17 today from out of the depths of our DVR and holy shit -- is Julie Pinson good or what?!?  For my money, there can not be enough scenes of Janet telling Carly off, nor enough of Jack reminding Carly that she abandoned her children for Simon Fraser.  (The latter is another splendid example of soaps using past history to add layers to present story.)  I wish all of ATWT was as brilliant, but if I see another scene of Paul and Meg together continuing their torturous, sadomasochistic-but-not-in-a-good-way relationship, I'm gonna scream.  Or at least read some more of a good book.

GUIDING LIGHT CANCELLED

It gives me no pleasure to blog about this.  What are the cast and crew going to do?  I don't wish unemployment on anyone, let alone this bunch.  GL should never, ever have gone to all digital video and 80% location shooting.  It makes for a terrible looking show, one which if you happen across  you flip channels away from.

Watching other soaps today was an odd experience, as I wondered what are the chances of other soaps staying on air.  THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS looks like a class act and is the only show shot in High Definition.  It has been top of the ratings for decades, so I think it's safe.  THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL is an international hit and its half hour status makes it automatically cheaper to produce, so that one's a keeper as well.

If you look at the ratings for ONE LIFE TO LIVE, it is actually the show that has lost the least amount of viewers in a decade.  (I swear, I saw it in TV GUIDE when they had an article about Deidre Hall and Drake Hogestyn being fired from DAYS OF OUR LIVES and the resultant death of daytime panic.)  They also know how to spend money wisely -- see the exciting, frequently updated credits that make you WANT to watch the show.  Recently, they pulled off an entire ball on a shoestring.  Plus, their storytelling is superb.  There is always the impression that something is happening in Llanview that is different and unmissable.  By giving each episode an individual title, you are encouraged to think of OLTL as a proper show that you sit down and watch, instead of having on as background.

Unfortunately, I think DOOL will be the next soap on the chopping block.  The show is lacking in energy and buzz and the high profile firings/leavings of popular, mostly long running cast members will not help keep this program on air.

AS THE WORLD TURNS is a difficult case.  While the groundbreaking, chemistry filled Nuke storyline has actually brought new viewers to soaps, the storytelling on ATWT is tired.  Here is my own personal example of the effect ATWT's scripting has had.  I love ATWT enough that I will fly out to New York for the fan club luncheon to meet the wonderful cast.  However, the writing on the show is so lacklustre that I can not keep up with watching ATWT, week in, week out.  I have episodes backed up on my DVR from February.  It is not must see TV for me any longer.  ATWT has to BECOME must see TV or else it will cease to exist.

WHY CAN'T RON CARLIVATI BE HEAD WRITER FOR AS THE WORLD TURNS?

As I watched yesterday and today's episodes of ONE LIFE TO LIVE, I was struck by how much more involving Llanview is than Oakdale.  Plots intersect, scenes end on hooks that keep you watching through the commercials, and characters interact in believable ways even when the stories are a trifle far-fetched.  Meanwhile, ATWT episodes from the beginning of February languish in my DVR.  Que lastima.

GENERAL HOSPITAL has been hit-and-miss lately, but today's episode was mostly hit.  I enjoyed Alexis covering for a hiding Winifred by claiming Winifred's muffled intake of breath was a fart.  I like the interplay between Olivia and Sonny, and the quietly shocking story of Robin running away to flirt with bartenders who have opera tickets.  (Unlike Robin, I would have gone to the opera, but hey, I'm easy that way.)

I watched a little bit of DAYS OF OUR LIVES and was pleased to see more Mya.  She underplays everything and I think she'll be a good match with Will.  Plus, I am a sentimental sucker for performers that were only supposed to be short-term but wind up with contracts.  More Mya and less Molly Burnett please!  I especially hated how Melanie played the "I'm only 18!" card today.  You can't expect to be taken seriously as a business woman only to blame your missteps on youthful folly!  (That is the most ridiculously Victorian phrase I have ever used in my writing, ever.)  Mya revealing all to Tony DiMera is potentially a good twist, but ruined for me by the knowledge that Tony will not be in the show for much longer.

Watched the scene on You Tube where GUIDING LIGHT's Grady gets pushed off a cliff.  Well, at least a dummy of Kane Manera did, anyway.  Hooray!  I can't believe we're supposed to feel sorry for Daisy!  To paraphrase Joy Behar, "Who cares?  So what?"

To return to OLTL, wasn't it fun to see Dan Gauthier show up on LOST as Jeff Fahey's co-pilot?  I always melodramatically overreact to surprise appearances of ex-soap stars in my favorite shows.  When his name appeared in the credits, I murmured under my breath "Oh my God..." but did not tell The Boyfriend why until the first commercial.  I am sure it is my air of mystery that keeps him enthralled.

Speaking of The Boyfriend, he gave me the ATWT tie-in novel THE MAN FROM OAKDALE as a birthday gift Monday.  It is hugely enjoyable so far, with a fanwanky plot that takes in appearances from Sierra, Frannie and Sabrina, and Will and Gwen!  Henry and Vienna are characterized very well, with their written escapades being preferable to all the baby nonsense they are going through on the television show.  I wish there was a book such as this for ALL MY CHILDREN's Reese and Bianca, an engaging couple given short shrift on TV who might be a great pair to write a novel about.  I would love to read about their courtship and shacking up together, rather than see Reese fall through glass and get blinded by her heterosexual crush.

WHY CRYSTAL HUNT IS BETTER THAN MOLLY BURNETT

Because she can act!

Seriously, ONE LIFE TO LIVE's Stacy and DAYS OF OUR LIVES' Melanie are both bad to the bone but I enjoy watching Stacy because Crystal Hunt is one stone cold bitch.  DOOL's Melanie, on the other hand, keeps trying to play the "I'm really vulnerable and sympathetic!  Enjoy my mischief!" card that becomes extremely tiresome in the hands of Molly Burnett, who overdoes the infantile pout something fierce.  I also enjoyed seeing Vanessa booted out of Llanview.  She was such an odd, bland character whose motivations were never clear.

GUIDING LIGHT continues to be on an upswing, despite being bookended with Kane Manera scenes.   Any time there are scenes with Reva, Jeffrey, Philip, Buzz and Alan I am glued to the screen.  If there's one thing GL does well, it is grief and its consequences -- remember, GL only started to get good about 5 years ago when it appeared Philip had been killed.    Now, if this absurd Lizzie kidnapping plot comes to a conclusion and Ellen Wheeler takes a leap and makes Natalia and Olivia lovers, GL might just become my new favorite show.  Though I am starting to wonder about Ashlee.  Shouldn't we be seeing her reaction to Coop's death?  (Full disclaimer: I haven't been watching every episode, so apologies if I missed some prime Caitlin Van Zandt emoting.)  

I haven't written about AS THE WORLD TURNS in ages.  That's because our DVR is insanely backed up and we only watched the episode from 1/23/09 tonight!  It is hard to get motivated to watch this show when there isn't a Nuke storyline running.  It is even harder when a boxset of BATTLESTAR GALACTICA is competing for your viewing!  Hopefully we will get caught up in time for the ATWT fan club luncheon in April. Onwards!