GOODBYE TO PHIL?

It looks like Thom Bierdz is on his way out of THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS, if today's episode was any indication. I think that would be a real shame, as a romance between Philip and Rafe seems a no-brainer to me.

I am enjoying seeing Sarah Brown on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL. Am I the only one who remembers how good she was on AS THE WORLD TURNS as Julia, an ordinary woman who nonetheless managed to bed both Jack and Holden and had the whole town gunning for her as a result? While on the subject of Julia, are ATWT viewers ever going to see Julia's son JJ again or is he stuck in the limbo of soap boarding school?

ALL MY CHILDREN continues to annoy and delight in equal doses. I like the Annie/Adam dynamic very much -- the rest, meh, especially Erica/Ryan, who I don't think anyone wants to see together! The Retired Mom called me up all frantic with worry that AMC's upcoming move to Los Angeles meant all her favorites leaving the cast. I hastened to reassure her that she's only losing Thorsten Kaye, but she wasn't having any of it. "What about Kendall?" "She's staying." "But she had a baby!" "She's on maternity leave." "Well, what about Tad? And Cameron?"and so on. I'm actually only checking out AMC lately since I read in SOAP OPERA DIGEST that Nancy Opel has joined the cast as the Chandler cook. This year I saw Nancy in her triple role onstage in THE TOXIC AVENGER and I can not wait to see her inject some levity into this show!

DAYS OF OUR LIVES was amazing. I was utterly gripped by the whole Nicole baby mess and entertained by the lighter storyline involving Carly and Vivian.

I also watched ONE LIFE TO LIVE -- Brian Kerwin was excellent today, but I didn't like how Natalie was going on about Jared keeping mints on his person at all times and how she loved it because that was BULLSHIT. When the frak did Natalie and Jared ever have these conversations? The writers shouldn't make up personal details for characters that weren't established onscreen beforehand.

GENERAL HOSPITAL was intriguing, but I had to cut my viewing short to go to work on my day off for a health benefits meeting. Hooray for job benefits, but universal health care for all can not come soon enough.

DEACON DEBACLE

I caught just a smidge of THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS today, just enough to see that The Return Of Deacon To Another Show just isn't working for me. Maybe because all I remember of Deacon from THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL was that he shagged Bridget on speakerphone so her parents could hear? Yuck!

SIX FEET UNDER

Didn't watch a lot of soaps tonight. I did see a bit of DAYS OF OUR LIVES; just enough to see that Casey Deidrick as Chad is HOT! Good bit of casting there. I wonder if hot young actors really do bring da kidz to da soapz or just older gay guys like me?

The bit I saw of THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS was wild. So Philip was never in his coffin? What is going on here? I love Kay bringing up the possibility that Philip's body was dumped out for illegal organ harvesting. In the real world, that actually makes more sense than dead people turning out to be alive and well after all. It's great to see Nina back to deal with the ramifications of this story but my '80s flashback will not be complete until Cricket turns up as well!

ONE TREE HELL

Starting next week, I will no longer be watching Soap Net with my breakfast on Saturday morning, but will be reading a good book instead.  This is due to the aggressively mediocre ONE TREE HILL, a show so bland and generic I literally can not stand the sight of it anymore.

One show I will be watching more of is THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS.  Friday's twist in the episode's closing moments was so simple, yet brilliant and suggestive, that when The Boyfriend came home I sat him down, rewound the DVR and made him watch it.  I did have to explain it to him afterwards, but there is nothing wrong with a show digging into its history to enrich current storylines.  Bravo to whoever is responsible for digging up that clip of Cane and connecting it to Philip!

Regular readers of this blog will know our travails in trying to keep up with AS THE WORLD TURNS.  We watched the episodes from 4/16 and 17 today from out of the depths of our DVR and holy shit -- is Julie Pinson good or what?!?  For my money, there can not be enough scenes of Janet telling Carly off, nor enough of Jack reminding Carly that she abandoned her children for Simon Fraser.  (The latter is another splendid example of soaps using past history to add layers to present story.)  I wish all of ATWT was as brilliant, but if I see another scene of Paul and Meg together continuing their torturous, sadomasochistic-but-not-in-a-good-way relationship, I'm gonna scream.  Or at least read some more of a good book.

GUIDING LIGHT CANCELLED

It gives me no pleasure to blog about this.  What are the cast and crew going to do?  I don't wish unemployment on anyone, let alone this bunch.  GL should never, ever have gone to all digital video and 80% location shooting.  It makes for a terrible looking show, one which if you happen across  you flip channels away from.

Watching other soaps today was an odd experience, as I wondered what are the chances of other soaps staying on air.  THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS looks like a class act and is the only show shot in High Definition.  It has been top of the ratings for decades, so I think it's safe.  THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL is an international hit and its half hour status makes it automatically cheaper to produce, so that one's a keeper as well.

If you look at the ratings for ONE LIFE TO LIVE, it is actually the show that has lost the least amount of viewers in a decade.  (I swear, I saw it in TV GUIDE when they had an article about Deidre Hall and Drake Hogestyn being fired from DAYS OF OUR LIVES and the resultant death of daytime panic.)  They also know how to spend money wisely -- see the exciting, frequently updated credits that make you WANT to watch the show.  Recently, they pulled off an entire ball on a shoestring.  Plus, their storytelling is superb.  There is always the impression that something is happening in Llanview that is different and unmissable.  By giving each episode an individual title, you are encouraged to think of OLTL as a proper show that you sit down and watch, instead of having on as background.

Unfortunately, I think DOOL will be the next soap on the chopping block.  The show is lacking in energy and buzz and the high profile firings/leavings of popular, mostly long running cast members will not help keep this program on air.

AS THE WORLD TURNS is a difficult case.  While the groundbreaking, chemistry filled Nuke storyline has actually brought new viewers to soaps, the storytelling on ATWT is tired.  Here is my own personal example of the effect ATWT's scripting has had.  I love ATWT enough that I will fly out to New York for the fan club luncheon to meet the wonderful cast.  However, the writing on the show is so lacklustre that I can not keep up with watching ATWT, week in, week out.  I have episodes backed up on my DVR from February.  It is not must see TV for me any longer.  ATWT has to BECOME must see TV or else it will cease to exist.

INFINITE JEST, 90210 STYLE

My breakfast viewing of 90210 reruns on SoapNet entered a strange era of the show I am not familiar with at all.  Dylan is leading a community center for drug addict rehab and fucking up anyone who gets in the way?  When did this happen?!?

My after work viewing of SoapNet's YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS marathon yielded the astonishing scenes where Sharon actually, literally begs Phyllis not to tell Jack about her affair with Billy.  Yikes, Sharon was a frakkin' mess!  I liked how she slipped up and mentioned Brad instead of Billy, indicating how this is all some serious post-Brad trauma.  It may annoy when Y&R kills off beloved characters but at least the show plays out the consequences.

VIVA ALLEY MILLS!

How great was Alley Mills on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL today?  It's tricky to get all dramatic when you're playing a comedic character but Alley pulled it off.  I felt so sorry for Pam!  Plus, Stephanie becomes 100% more likable when defending her sister.

THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS was also very good.  I enjoyed seeing Ely Pouget as Kay's doctor.  She was one of the stars of the short-lived '90s revival of DARK SHADOWS and also appeared in LA TAKEDOWN, Michael Mann's TV movie trial run for HEAT.  Hooray for surviving the '90s!

ALL MY CHILDREN was not so hot.  Despite interesting new characters like Taylor and Brot, Chuck Pratt's take on Pine Valley has amounted to a big heap of nothing.  I don't care about Zach and Kendall nor do I find it believable that Krystal would be so taken in by David.  Don't get me started on the travesty of Bianca and Reese and how daytime's first lesbian marriage was completely undone by having Reese kiss Zach the day before the wedding! 

ONE LIFE TO LIVE continues to thrive.  The way the plots intersect is ingenious and it's nice to see a show that makes room for fun supporting characters like Moe and Noelle while strengthening new characters like Ray and Stacy.  I am starting to see some serious chemistry between Dorian and Ray that I hope they run with!

DAYS OF OUR LIVES continues to be a bit meh.  Now that Sami is back in town and I've got a chance to see her interact with the 3 men in her life, I'm going to say Lucas is the man for her.  Alison Sweeney and Bryan Datillo are doing a very good job of interacting with the SORASed Will, who is certainly better looking than the old Will but hasn't quite convinced me yet that he is Sami and Lucas' offspring.

Speaking of unconvincing offspring, I have the ghastly feeling that Ethan on GENERAL HOSPITAL will be revealed as the son of Holly and/or Robert Scorpio in a blatant attempt to curry audience affection.  I'm not liking this "lovable scoundrel" one bit; he's not attractive or charming despite everyone on screen telling us he is!  He looks like a bad carbon copy of Tom Pelphrey.  In fact, could Ethan have been the role on GH that Tom Pelphrey was rumored to be up for, as hinted in SOAP OPERA DIGEST?  It would explain Ethan's look and bad boy behavior, which would seem tailor made for Tom -- who could actually have pulled this character off.

LOVED Olivia and Natalia on GUIDING LIGHT today!  Their scenes are so full of believable awkwardness and tension.  Curious to see how much Doris' newly exposed lesbianism will impact the rest of the show -- how about some emotional scenes with her daughter Ashlee, played by the fabulous but underused Caitlin Van Zandt?

Inspired by a new book by Jeff Thompson , THE TELEVISION HORRORS OF DAN CURTIS, I watched an episode of DARK SHADOWS for the first time in many, many months.  It was the second episode of the series and the biggest giggles came from Joan Bennett traipsing around her mansion at all hours of the night, in full evening gown and pearls.  She didn't so much project class as daftness, especially with the implication that she cooks everyone's meals and does the household chores in the same outfit!

STATING THE OBVIOUS

It is utterly absurd that 90210 once thought Tori Spelling was the ideal choice for a continuing story about drug addiction.  I defy anyone to watch Donna descend into prescription painkiller dependence without giggling.

Speaking of inappropriate laughter, we found ourselves chuckling at Katherine slipping on the ice in YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS.  Jeanne Cooper is a real trooper -- she's a gazillion years old and is still as game for anything as when she starred in Roger Corman cheapies in the '50s and '60s.  I am loving whoever it was that decided to show the 1989 episode of Y&R on Christmas Day.  It was nostalgic and campy, yet also narratively compelling.  Plus, there was a funny meta-joke that had Marge sitting down to watch THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL!  Please, SoapNet, how about a few vintage Y&R episodes to replace the Sunday Night Movie?  (I do not dare to suggest SoapNet air something in place of 90210 reruns.  The very thought of that causes heads to explode around the SoapNet offices.)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I felt a little like saying "Bah humbug!" hearing Jana blather on about V8 on THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS and I still just can't find myself caring about Devon, Ana, or Ana's mom.  Yet the good gradually pushed out the bad on Y&R, with the Victor flashbacks and Kay regaining her memory being particularly jolting.

THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL was also very good, with Bradley Bell's holiday wishes at the end of the show seeming rightfully earned.  This is a producer who knows when his show is working and when it isn't.  Right now it is working very well.  The sentimentality of the holidays must be getting to me because I didn't even mind Granpa Jack Wagner proposing to his child bride!  Oh wait...

I saw a bit of today's ALL MY CHILDREN rerun.  Not really feeling the tornado drama, unfortunately, since another tornado episode is being rerun Christmas Day.  Still, nice that they brought back Bianca, and I really don't mind that they retconned the story so Zach is the father of her baby.

I saw some of DOOL, OLTL's rerun and the last half of GH's Christmas episode, but you know what?  It's Christmas and I've got some words of cheer.  Last year I was completely unemployed and at a real low.  This year my life has turned around.  I have a great job, a great boyfriend (who has a great new job) and an adorable cat.  I have fabulous friends all over the world!  I have a Ghetto Fabulous Mom who I have to thank for introducing me to soaps at a young age.  The nation as a whole is in state of optimism, and I like riding that wave for once.  I am so happy right now with my life, and I am glad that I've always had soaps for fun and escapism, through good times and bad.

So please,  have a Happy Holiday or at least go out and see a good movie.  And if you can't do that, check out the vintage Y&R episode on CBS and the GH Christmas episode mini-marathon on SoapNet!  I hope everyone's day is joyous and soapy.

OMFG BRIAN NO!!!

I hate to say it, but THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS storyline of Kay living Marge's life is just not going to work because Kay has amnesia. If you look at ONE LIFE TO LIVE approximately one year ago, Viki was living a new life as a waitress by choice and it was terrific seeing her life (and the show) expand because of the choices she made. Kay is not living Marge's life by choice but by circumstance. What we now have on Y&R is a situation with no characterization.

On THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL, we are now getting an unexpected, but welcome, bit of characterization with Bad Rick. I'm enjoying Bad Rick a great deal. You have to admire anyone who thinks they can seduce women while hobbling around on a cane. Otherwhere in the episode, Ridge eating sushi off of Brooke's body was more funny than sexy. It looked delicious but my brain kept on screaming "You need soy sauce and wasabi, people!" Would it have been too messy for Brooke to dribble packets of soy sauce on her arms and put some lumps of green wasabi in her belly button? Probably.

Speaking of messes -- HOLY SHIT is DAYS OF OUR LIVES on a kamikaze mission or what? By now the news of Deidre Hall and Drake Hogestyn being let go overshadows everything, but I was still indignant at today's episode. Is this the last we see of Nick?!? I hope not. Blake Berris did a fantastic acting job as Psycho Stalker Nick, but the change in character is unbelievable and the attempt to make Nick's accidental killing of Willow now semi-intentional is just risible. I will give DOOL kudos for the scene where Chelsea and Steph laid into Melanie for causing Nick to go off the deep end, because that is exactly how the audience feels! I don't think it was smart to introduce a new character, pair her off with an established fan favorite and then have him turn Psycho Stalker on her. Doesn't exactly make you like the newbie...

ONE LIFE TO LIVE is very compelling lately. I love the highly theatrical presentation of Jessica's three personalities. The cage with mirror shards representing her mind is simple and effective, and the large screens showing the outside world are also well-used. Hooray for good set decoration!

GENERAL HOSPITAL generally has good sets, but it was so boring today that I actually spent most of my 2-3PM soap viewing switched over to praqctically set-less GUIDING LIGHT. (!!!!) Here is GH today: mob war, mob war, blah, blah, Zaccarah, blah, Bensonhurst, blah, Claudia, yadda yadda. I do like Olivia a lot, but how much newly invented backstory for Sonny can they cram into his life before he came to Port Charles?

GUIDING LIGHT was a highly schizophrenic viewing experience. On one hand you've got Reva with leaukemia and a pregnancy, and it is a daring, original story. I tell ya, Kim Zimmer and Elizabeth Hubbard will be battling it out with duelling hospital bed scenes come Emmy time next year! On the other hand, soooo much of the show is now revolving around G/Grady/Gillespie, it's ludicrous. Kane Manera is a very limited actor, and he can not hit all the beats expected of him -- charming one moment, scary the next, a bit of both sometime. Plus, pair him with a good actress like Caitlin Van Zandt and his defects are all too apparent. Really, when it became clear that Cassie was not going to be part of the show for much longer, they should have had her kill Grady as revenge for Tammy's death. Then she could have gone on the run and two annoying residents of Springfield would be off our screens.

AS THE WORLD TURNS continued its upward swing today. (Have I mentioned that the show's been so good that I am finally caught up? Woohoo!) Laurence Lau excelled today in his scenes with Elizabeth Hubbard and Van Hansis. He was so good I almost started to think that Luke imagined the drunken kiss as well! I think Brian really does love Lucinda, but he can't help being attracted to Luke (can you really blame him?) and is going to repress that attraction at all costs...until it erupts again. Mistletoe at the Snyder farm in the Kitchen Of Lust, perhaps?

DISAPPOINTMENTS AND GLORIES

We are still incredibly behind in our AS THE WORLD TURNS viewing, with tonight's episode being from October 29!! It was a strong episode, but I was disappointed to see Alison become a victim of Evil Rapey Frat Boys. When they cornered her with evidence of her porn star past and demanded she strip, Alley Cat should have shown her claws, spit in their faces and FUCKED THEIR SHIT UP!!! Sorry, seeing strong women humiliated is not my idea of entertainment. Seeing strong women kick ass is! This storyline can still be redeemed if Alison gets some kind of revenge or justice.

One storyline that I fear can not be redeemed is the character assassination of Nick on DAYS OF OUR LIVES. Now he's a stalker? And if you read the spoilers in this week's SOAP OPERA DIGEST, a killer?? Usually when a dull character has run out of story, they turn psycho (recent examples being AMC's Annie and ATWT's Sofie.) However, Nick has loads of story potential including the possibility of a reunion with Chelsea. Why waste Blake Berris this way?

One actress not being wasted is Tamara Braun. (As seen up and to the left!) From out of the depths of my DVR came last Friday's AMC, in which Reese proposed to Bianca! It was wonderful and romantic, but somewhat bittersweet in the light of Prop 8 banning gay marriage being passed in California this week. It also sucks that GREY'S ANATOMY's Brooke Smith, who plays a lesbian, has been fired from that show. So bravo to AMC for showing two fabulous actresses playing two women who are in a committed relationship and love each other. Extra kudos for advertising Tamara Braun's return and the proposal so heavily and forthrightly -- no shame over lesbian content here, unlike in the production offices of GREY'S ANATOMY.

Another actress not being wasted is Jeanne Cooper, giving a real good show as Kay and Marge on THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS. I like the Paris remote, too, especially in HD. The only thing I take issue with is Noah describing Paris as "sick", meaning really, really cool. No teenager talks like that. The only other time I've heard "sick" as a positive term was in ONE LIFE TO LIVE, uttered by Marco. I think some soap writers' kids are taking the piss. How's that for authentic slang, soap writers?

FROM THE BOARDROOM TO THE BORED ROOM

I really enjoyed the scenes on THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS today where Nikki and Phyllis bitched at each other, and the subsequent scenes of Nikki snarking at Adam. I am afraid that I will be tuning out tomorrow, though, since who cares if Ana isn't going to school?

Crazy Pam was given full reign on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL. I love Alley Mills! She manages to go over the top without losing the core of her character. I am concerned that by pushing her so far over the edge Pam will become unredeemable and will disappear from our screens. Let's hope she's another one of those soap characters who is bad because of a brain tumour that can be easily cured!

I'm a bit bored with ALL MY CHILDREN. I am looking forward to the tornado that will bring back Bianca and David and will lead to Tamara Braun joining the show. I'm just tired of Kendall, Ryan, Greenlee, Annie and Zach (though I have fond feelings for Thorsten Kaye from his PORT CHARLES days.) I actively dislike Petey and Colby. Their performances are waaay too undergrad stagy -- both need to tone it down! However, when I see Taylor and Jake my interest perks up, and the show is also getting good mileage out of Carmen and Amanda. Randi is creepy, though. The Boyfriend pointed out that she seems to be wearing colored contacts, which have the unfortunate effect of making the actress unexpressive and possesive of cold, dead eyes. If they were smart, the writers would work in a reference as to how Randi's days as a whore have killed her soul!

ONE LIFE TO LIVE was fortunately spellbinding. Love, love, love Ilene Kristen letting it all hang out emotionally and otherwise -- look at that mascara run for its life! What a jolt after seeing Ilene 30 years ago as Delia in RYAN'S HOPE! Plus, the return of Adriana was dramatically pleasing. It offers her a chance at redemption and Melissa Fumero has really nailed the part.

GENERAL HOSPITAL was sorta good, sorta bad. All the stuff with Big Pussy was contrived and unfunny, even though GH's roster of character actors (Diane, Max, new arrival Vincent Pastore) were on top form. Really liked the scene where Epiphany put Robin and Patrick in their places, though. How unprofessional of them to take their relationship shit out on their staff!

GUIDING LIGHT was torture today. WAAAAAAAAAY too much Grady/Kane Manera for my liking. He is just too limited a performer (and the character of Grady just too repugnant) to carry so much story. Two scenes that stand out for suckiness today were the scenes where Grady tells Dinah he was hitting on her mom and where he brings Lizzie flowers. His facial expressions were woeful; incapable of conveying anything. He also has a real lack of comic timing. I also hated all the scenes of Mallett giving Marina the house. I like domestic soaps as much as anyone, but that storyline was too banal. What next -- Grady and Daisy go to the supermarket together to pick up snacks for the Peapack Craft Services table?

BILLY ABBOTT AND BREAST MILK

Having Amber's not-so-imaginary boyfriend Liam turn out to be Billy Abbott on THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS is inspired and clever. I sense that whoever on the writing staff (I'm guessing Hogan Sheffer) thought up the reveal that Chloe is Kate thought this one up too. My only qualm is that post-David Tom, I have no memory of what Billy got up to or why anyone would be mad to see him. Let the infodump commence!

I watched most of NIGHT SHIFT tonight and I can not wait for Chad Allen to show up so that Kyle can have stuff to do besides being Comedy Gay. This week we got to see a gay man deal with milking breasts! Larks! Almost as sidesplitting as when Kyle talked to senior citizens about venereal disease! Woohoo! In other NIGHT SHIFT business, I am just not feeling the Antonio Sabato Jr love. I am a child of the '80s, not the '90s, so Jagger means nada por mi. And Jason Thompson is acting Antonio off the screen! If you don't believe me, watch any scene between Patrick and Jagger and tell me, honestly -- who comes off better?

PIMPS, NERDS AND PSYCHOS

ALL MY CHILDREN and THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL competed for my attention when I woke up, and B&B won because you just can not stop watching when Crazy Pam is on the loose. I am happy to see her terrorize and then have her behavior blamed on her medication ad infinitum, as long as we get to keep Alley Mills around!

AMC was not that interesting from what I saw. Kris Eivers' overacting as Randi's pimp irritated me, so I'm glad to read in SOAP OPERA DIGEST that Taylor is going to kill him! I am also irritated by NuPetey Cortland, a ripoff of Spinelli from GENERAL HOSPITAL (mannerisms, storyline) and Nick from DAYS OF OUR LIVES (he is actually very pretty for a nerd!) The Unemployed Boyfriend seemed somewhat taken with Petey, which I will interpret as a compliment to my geeky self.

AS THE WORLD TURNS continues to annoy with any storyline involving Parker and Liberty. I think it is time to ship them off to boarding school so the wonderful pairing of Jack and Janet can really have room to breathe. And I'm saying this even though I LIKE Mick Hazen and Meredith Hagner! It's just their plots that drain the life from the adult characters on the show. The return of James Stenbeck is shaping up to be great fun, though. Has he REALLY come back just to eat Paul's sandwiches and drink his wine?? The shot of him sneaking in to get the rest of his meal while Paul comforted Meg was very, very funny. More of that and less of Brad flying off the handle, please.

This is the first time I've been able to catch GH since Genie Francis returned and while it's great to see Laura again...is her entire story going to have her stuck in a room listening to Lulu whine? On a more positive note, how appropiate that Spinelli will daydream of Leyla kicking ass ala Emma Peel. If there's anything Spinelli and I have in common, it is the Diana Rigg AVENGERS megaset being in our DVD collections!

DOOL featured Blake Berris looking really, really cute in his white jacket. He is also looking very adorable wearing nothing but red Barack Obama underpants(!) in this week's SOD. I like Blake/Nick so much I am not even going to complain that DOOL is ripping off GOSSIP GIRL with Melanie and her potential romance with him, which is a bit reminiscent of GG's Serena and Dan. XOXO

THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS is REALLY good nowadays. It is so good that it is even gripping in the crappy Standard Def broadcasts of SoapNet, so strong is the writing and characterization. I like the pairing of Cane and Chloe a lot. I sense a growing attraction between them that could lead to a more complex pairing than Cane and Lily ever were. Don't Cane and Chloe have more in common than they realize? Both are working their way up from crappy working class backgrounds to the good life, any way they can get it. Let's remember that Cane was as shady as Chloe when first introduced. And whoever thought up the upcoming revelation that Chloe is Esther's daughter is a GENIUS!! I'm going to give Hogan Sheffer credit for that one until proven otherwise.

SCREW YOU CBS 2!

I would love to blog about Tuesday's episode of AS THE WORLD TURNS but just when Lucinda and Brian sat down to eat, my local CBS affiliate decided to interrupt the show in order to show me footage of a fire happening nowhere near me! And they reran GUIDING LIGHT that night but no ATWT! And I can't watch that episode online because my computer is a piece of shit! And Van Hansis was looking obscenely hot in the whole 3 minutes I got of him! AAAAAARGHHH!

As for today's episode, I was amused by the last minute return of James Stenbeck on Paul's computer. Will he step through the screen to assume corporeal form?!? I am finding Parker and his ridiculously girly hair very, very annoying, which is a shame because I used to groove on his authentic sullenness. At least this episode had Juicy Janet being so super cool and sexy that Jack had to hang up on Carly in order to get his freak on. Take that Carly!

THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS was awfully good, from what I saw of it. (My itchy channel surfing finger kept switching over to ALL MY CHILDREN during the commercials.) The only thing I like more than Chloe marrying Cane is Sharon's blase, I've-got-better-things-to-think-about reaction! And the only thing I LOVED more than that is Phyllis telling Sharon to stop worrying about her ex-husband who is now Phyllis' husband, thank you very much. Y&R is really juicing up normally boring couples lately. Cane and Lily, Nick and Phyllis: all they needed was some good writing and interaction with other characters to make then watchable again. And hooray for SORASing Noah. That kid actor who played him as a child always irritated me -- he was so artificial and stagy, like the brat who is in the lead role of the school play that you are forced to sit through in order to see your own kid as a talking tree or something.

AMC also appears to be on an upswing. I like Jake, Amanda and Taylor. I like the interplay between Jesse and Angie. I don't know why Randi is still on the show but I am trusting Chuck Pratt to make her interesting or to get rid of her. And I am looking forward to Vincent Irizarry's return as David Hayward, because every soap needs a good villain.

I am not sure who the villain is on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL. I think it was Pam who poisoned Eric, but I hope that doesn't mean we'll see the last of her. I would like Owen to be more of a rotter; I don't buy him taking the rap for Donna. I would rather see Brandon Beemer work his way through the women of the show than the aging lothario that is Jack Wagner.

THE SORASED AND THE RESTLESS

I was amused to see a SORASed Noah Newman on THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS today and even more amused to see his two hot friends partying around his pool! There have been lots of jokes about Noah being gay floating around the internet and this will just add fuel to the fire!

THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL has managed to lift itself out of the depressing nature of the Eric in a coma (I know, I know, it's serioussssssssss...sorry, gratuitous Smiths reference there!) storyline by adding the soapy twist that he's been poisoned! The episode was very well directed. Love all those closeups of the Forresters demanding Donna be arrested -- very over the top and fun.

AS THE WORLD TURNS had some good stuff in it, but also some bad stuff. I liked Meg baking cookies with Emma to tell Paul she's pregnant, and Kathleen Widdowes was a joy in those scenes. I liked Faith baldly stating to Holden that he slept with Carly. I enjoyed the sight of baby Ethan because nothing affects that kid's giggly smile -- parents divorcing, mom recast, Jean Passanante. However, the bad Dani Andropolous stuff capsized the episode for me. I found Margo's dislike of her to be contrived and Dani's strategy to get back into the police station with Casey's help implausible. Dani seems like a horrid version of what someone on the writing staff thinks is a SEX AND THE CITY-esque fun single girl with a professional career, but she just comes off as a skank. Speaking of skanks, I did like that Emily knows the Mayor because he used to be one of her johns!

ONE LIFE TO LIVE sucked me in with that cute little DavidVickers. (Babies and dogs -- oh crap I'm getting broody! And I'm a guy!!!) Loads of potential in the possibilities they're setting up of Tina vs Todd and Tess. I trust head writer Ron Carlivati to run with it!

I wanted to watch all of GENERAL HOSPITAL today but the double whammy of Zaccharahing and Whiny Lulu drove me to the fast-forward button so I could just enjoy Spinelli and Maxie. The look on Spinelli's face when Maxie figured out that the stakeout was just so he could show Stone Cold that he could do a stakeout without passing out from dehydration was very funny.

My viewing for today finished up with a rewatch of the astonishing DOCTOR WHO episode MIDNIGHT. Mostly taking place on a single set, this story boasts an amazingly tight ensemble that makes you feel like you've just seen a brilliant piece of theatre. Part of this cast is the underrated Lindsay Coulson, who electrified EASTENDERS in the '90s as Carol Jackson, arguably the best acted female part in Albert Square of that period. She is soooo good in MIDNIGHT; Lindsay goes from chatty, congenial tourist to panicked freaking woman to deadly harridan in about 40 minutes, and her final line to the Doctor says volumes. A great performance that might be overlooked in the light of main guest star's Lesley Sharp's really, really scary, showstopping Sky Sylvestry.

VAGUELY SOAPY EMPLOYMENT!

I am thrilled to announce that tomorrow I begin full time employment with full benefits at a local art museum! Appropiately, it is the same museum that Victor and Sabrina went to in THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS in March, IIRC -- think "street lamp installation" if you have a hard time remembering!

Speaking of Y&R, I caught the last half of the show this morning and had "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" stuck in my head all day even though I hate Devon and am confused by his InstaFamily. Does it make any dramatic difference that Ana is Yolanda's daughter and not Tyra's? What concerns me more is the question of whether Jana still works at Sabrina's art museum. Am I now Jana?!?

I was pleased to Beth Ehlers in uniform on ALL MY CHILDREN today and happy at the potential of scenes between her, Jesse and Angie. As Beth is ushered in, I hope AMC continues to cut the dead weight that make me switch channels to THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL. Very glad to read in SOAP OPERA DIGEST that Cassandra and Samuel are gone, baby, gone!

I would love to write all night about today's viewing but I watched loads o'soap today and have got to get to bed soon! So here's a quick rundown:

I like Marcus and Steffy on B&B a lot, so you see? New characters or recasts can be good! Just usually not on AMC! ONE LIFE TO LIVE amuses me with their DONNIE DARKO-esque time travel storyline, while any scene between Ilene Kristen and Brian Kerwin is just pure gold. DAYS OF OUR LIVES had Stefano terrorizing everybody, and it made for some good viewing. Scream Anna DiMera scream! GENERAL HOSPITAL had some good Maxie/Spinelli scenes, but too much Zaccharing and Lulu whining led me back to Springfield, which had some really good Reva/Alan/Lizzie material. Caught up with the last two episodes of GOSSIP GIRL reruns, which were the best I've seen yet -- Jake Silbermann had a nice walk-on and Eric was memorably outed by uber-bitch Georgina. Also caught up with Tuesday's and Wednesday's AS THE WORLD TURNS. Tuesday's was a small masterpiece. I think other shows should look at that episode to see domestic soap at its best. Wednesday's was unintentionally hilarious becasue The Unemployed Boyfriend and I feel so sorry for Neal because Carly keeps giving him the runaround, but we think the actor is AWFUL. This leads to us screeching 'CAAAAAARRLLLLYYYY' at each other for about an hour. Sorry, Michael E. Rodgers, we know you're trying your best as Neal!

You know you love me.
xoxo

CARLY MUST DIE

As much as I enjoyed my mini-marathon of the latest two episodes of AS THE WORLD TURNS today, I have to admit that Carly needs to be bitch-slapped into oblivion. The writers are doing a good job of keeping Luke involved in the action; I would really like to see a scene where he tears Carly apart for ruining his parents' marriage. Even if he only tears her apart verbally! Van Hansis does bitchy anger very well -- let's see some of that directed against the contemptible Carly!

I woke up this morning to find out that THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS has apparently gotten good again while I wasn't looking. I detect the firm hand of Hogan Sheffer in this. Chloe is being revved up to engage in the kind of gleeful bad girl behavior that is a Hogan Sheffer trademark. Sheffer really saw the potential of Chelsea in DAYS OF OUR LIVES during his tenure there and I still remember how he thrust Katie into ATWT's spotlight way back in 2000. Every soap needs a good bad girl!

If Y&R is improving, THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL is starting to take a nose dive. Today's episode was dreary. Eric's in a coma and his family have to decide whether to pull the plug. Katie is somehow pregnant with Nick's kid even though we never saw them do it. Where's the fun? Where are the campy women and the hot guys? B&B has always been the most glam of the soaps. They should play to that strength instead of trying to get some Serious Drama going. Leave that to domestic soaps like ATWT and DOOL, which excel at family dynamics. The Forrester, Logan and Marone families' dynamics are so twistedly near incestual, any attempt to base a story in B&B around family integrity is ludicrous.

Speaking of ludicrous, I am glad to see that ONE LIFE TO LIVE has gotten Andrea Evans out of Mendorra. Seeing her involved in fake country shenanigans, I started to see Andrea slip into PASSIONS mode, which involves a lot of fake, crummy acting. PASSIONS ended today, BTW. RIP PASSIONS. I liked that show enough at one point to name The Adorable Cat after its most inspired character, Timmy!

DOOL was also inspired today. I LOVED the vintage clips of Bo and Hope getting married!!! I think Kristian Alfonso has improved with age, like a fine wine. Peter Reckell always looks the same to me; only the length and landscape of his hair changes. And even though Belle and Shawn are not currently a part of the show, kudos to DOOL's writers for having a letter from them read during the wedding ceremony.

I saw some of ALL MY CHILDREN as well, but it was soooo bad I have trouble remembering it. I vaguely remember Randi and Frankie annoying me, and Annie annoying me. The show has hit an absolute nadir of late, as if to show us how rubbish it can be before Chuck Pratt (hopefully) works New Head Writer Magic on it. I don't wish unemployment on anyone (it really, really sucks) but I don't see how AMC can be fixed unless MAJOR axing occurs. Randi, Petey, Frankie, Dre, Annie, NuColby, Samuel, Babe -- these characters have all reached dead ends. Maybe Janet From Another Planet can go on a killing spree and do Pine Valley a favor? Then with the cast payroll that's been freed up, they can bring Cady McClain back as Dixie!

ZACH ROERIG SIGHTING!

Walking back to our car after a disappointing dinner at El Coyote, The Unemployed Boyfriend and I were startled to see Zach Roerig in his car, on his phone, waiting for the light to change! We unashamedly gawked and screamed ZACH ROERIG! at each other (TBH, I was flying from just one margarita.) He is still gorgeous! I have to wonder -- what is the ex-Casey Hughes from AS THE WORLD TURNS doing in Los Angeles? His last soap role was on ONE LIFE TO LIVE, which is an East Coast soap like ATWT. Can we possibly have Zach returning to daytime on an West Coast soap? Did he try out to play Billy Abbott on THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS and not get it? I think his natural role would be as a pot-smoking buddy of Spinelli on GENERAL HOSPITAL but that is just pure fanwank on my part.

LUCINDA LEADS THE ANTI-COCKBLOCKING BRIGADE!

Was ANYTHING as good today as AS THE WORLD TURNS? When Lucinda screamed at Emma "...you who don't allow the boys to cohabit in this silly farm!..." the Semi-Employed Boyfriend and myself pretty much fell off the couch, jaws agape. That was the highlight for me of an outstanding episode. Everyone was GREAT today. I finally feel the writers are writing to Noelle Beck's strengths. She is so hard and tough I fully believe Lily would try to kill Carly! While no one can replace Martha Byrne, Noelle Beck's Lily is shaping up to be a force to be reckoned with.

I also saw the first half of THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS before reporting to my whopping two hour work shift. It was very dull. I think Y&R need to take a page out of today's ATWT and realize that nothing is more entertaining than two grande dames yelling at each other and given full reign. Let's have more Jill and Kay and less Adam and Heather!

I DVRed NIGHT SHIFT but couldn't be bothered to watch it because I honestly didn't think any other soap could measure up to the fabulous theatricality of ATWT today. In NIGHT SHIFT's favor, I'm looking forward to possible gay doc, Billy Dee Williams, and Sonya Eddy. In NS' debit column is the fact that only Patrick, Robin, and Epiphany are spinning off from GH (No Spinelli? Maxie?? Stone Cold???), the stand alone episodes (how will it distinguish itself from real hospital dramas like GREY'S ANATOMY?) and the heavy focus on Jagger, a character I have no knowledge of. Time will tell, I suppose.