WHEN BAD STORYLINES HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE

Fastforwarding through AS THE WORLD TURNS from 6/23-29, we only stopped to watch the 6/29 episode in its' entirety -- it featured Nuke, Margo, Casey, Colonel Mayer, Tom, Riley, Damien and some day players. With the exception of Riley, these are some of my favorite characters, played by actors who are always worth watching, even in bad stories. What do we have to do to actually get these talented thespians in a well written plot that actually makes sense? When we watched the Pisces Twins story, I made excuses -- 'Oh this is stupid but I enjoy it anyway because it features actors I like." I'm sick of making excuses. ATWT has recently added a couple of new writers to their team. Let's hope the coming months will bring a rejuvenated ATWT that doesn't feel like a guilty pleasure at best, a lame duck at worst.

WHY CRYSTAL HUNT IS BETTER THAN MOLLY BURNETT

Because she can act!

Seriously, ONE LIFE TO LIVE's Stacy and DAYS OF OUR LIVES' Melanie are both bad to the bone but I enjoy watching Stacy because Crystal Hunt is one stone cold bitch.  DOOL's Melanie, on the other hand, keeps trying to play the "I'm really vulnerable and sympathetic!  Enjoy my mischief!" card that becomes extremely tiresome in the hands of Molly Burnett, who overdoes the infantile pout something fierce.  I also enjoyed seeing Vanessa booted out of Llanview.  She was such an odd, bland character whose motivations were never clear.

GUIDING LIGHT continues to be on an upswing, despite being bookended with Kane Manera scenes.   Any time there are scenes with Reva, Jeffrey, Philip, Buzz and Alan I am glued to the screen.  If there's one thing GL does well, it is grief and its consequences -- remember, GL only started to get good about 5 years ago when it appeared Philip had been killed.    Now, if this absurd Lizzie kidnapping plot comes to a conclusion and Ellen Wheeler takes a leap and makes Natalia and Olivia lovers, GL might just become my new favorite show.  Though I am starting to wonder about Ashlee.  Shouldn't we be seeing her reaction to Coop's death?  (Full disclaimer: I haven't been watching every episode, so apologies if I missed some prime Caitlin Van Zandt emoting.)  

I haven't written about AS THE WORLD TURNS in ages.  That's because our DVR is insanely backed up and we only watched the episode from 1/23/09 tonight!  It is hard to get motivated to watch this show when there isn't a Nuke storyline running.  It is even harder when a boxset of BATTLESTAR GALACTICA is competing for your viewing!  Hopefully we will get caught up in time for the ATWT fan club luncheon in April. Onwards!

xoxo I HATE MY DVR

My DVR decided not to record GOSSIP GIRL(pictured left) tonight, leaving me in a pissy mood at the end of an irksome day.  Was DAYS OF OUR LIVES entertaining enough to make me not regret missing GG? No.

Regular readers of this blog will know of my unfortunate habit of letting AS THE WORLD TURNS pile up on my DVR.  Tonight I finally watched the episode from Monday, January 19!  This must be a new low for me.  At this rate, I won't see Eric William Morris' return until 2010.  If ATWT featured Nuke more often, though, I'd be gleefully sitting down to nightly marathons instead of treating the show as a chore.  

COCKS UNBLOCKED

I don't have time for a full blog entry tonight (it's a work night and how fun is it to say that with unemployment now a distant memory?) but I just have to congratulate AS THE WORLD TURNS for a wonderful episode.  Not only did Luke and Noah FINALLY have sex, but it was hot as hell!  Plus, Nuke getting back together drove story for Lucinda, Casey, Alleycat and Jade as well.  Kudos to all involved.  And special props to Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann for creating the best couple on daytime, gay or straight.   I don't think I've ever rooted for a duo so much, ever.

100 POSTS! and BONE MARROW BLUES

Wow!  This is my hundredth blog entry!  By pure coincidence, I watched the New Year's Eve episode of AS THE WORLD TURNS tonight, which was a kind of celebration of why I watch soaps through its sheer excellence.  It was just one great scene after another -- Lucinda yells at Jade, Billy Magnussen gets naked except for his wristwatch and Luke drunkenly kisses Brian, ruining his chances of a New Year's Eve virginity losing fuckfest with Noah.  Whew!  My New Year's Eve sucked royally but watching this episode actually made me realize it could have been much, much worse.  I did not kiss my step-grandfather nor did I have the chance of sex with Billy Magnussen and turn it down.   The only couple on ATWT enjoying the New Year were Bonnie and Derek, who are fast growing on me because Chauntee Schuler is too pretty not to have a storyline and Benton Greene is supercool when he yells at Jade.  Actually, everyone is cool when they yell at Jade and her scenes with Luke and Lucinda in this episode were gems. And it goes without saying that Van/Jake and Billy/Marnie broke my heart.

This episode was sandwiched in my viewing today between bone marrow melodramas.  The vintage  episode of 90210 I caught half of this morning was ridiculously tawdry, as Valerie contemplated if it was the right thing to donate her bone marrow to a dying child molester.  Last Friday's ATWT was also full of the marrow o'bone, relieved somewhat by snarky Craig.  This week looks unmissable if the trailer is anything to go by -- "your gay husband", indeed.  I love that Casey and Alleycat will be bringing Nuke back together.  Having the cutest couples on the show interact can only be a good thing.

FRUSTRATIONS

I was watching last Friday's DAYS OF OUR LIVES on SoapNet this morning and wondering just how long can Nicole possibly bar EJ from her bedroom to hide her fake pregnancy bump?  And doesn't that defeat her purpose since she is only pretending to be pregnant so she won't lose EJ?

I saw a little bit of GENERAL HOSPITAL.  I like Claudia with Ric, mainly because I dig Sarah Brown and Rick Hearst.  Yet there is really no good reason why Claudia isn't sleeping with the fishes as yet.  I know the show is playing on the tension between Claudia and Sonny, with the constant threat that Sonny will find her out and kill her, but since we know Sarah Brown is on contract we also know Claudia will not be shot full of lead.  Pity.

After a run of great episodes (remember, I am a week behind in my DVR catchup) AS THE WORLD TURNS stumbled with last Wednesday's episode.  The jury is out on the new actress playing Jade, but her introduction was horrendously clunky.  We are asked to suspend our disbelief twice in one scene, with the consequence that the whole story feels forced and artificial.  First, Derek recognizes Rose when he sees Lily, but Noelle Beck has never played Rose and is frankly unimaginable as a working class showgirl from New Jersey.  Second, when Lily pulls out the picture of Jade any viewer with a memory of the last 2 years will have to make the mental leap to accept the recast.  So Derek is recognizing a character who we can't visualize and then being shown a photo of another character we can't recognize.  It's like something out of SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK!!  I could forgive all this if it meant Martha Byrne was going to return as Lily and expose Noelle Beck's Lily as really being Rose but that is only going to happen in my fevered imagination.  And I will miss the original Jade, Elena Goode, who had an easy rapport with Van Hansis.

OMFG BRIAN NO!!!

I hate to say it, but THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS storyline of Kay living Marge's life is just not going to work because Kay has amnesia. If you look at ONE LIFE TO LIVE approximately one year ago, Viki was living a new life as a waitress by choice and it was terrific seeing her life (and the show) expand because of the choices she made. Kay is not living Marge's life by choice but by circumstance. What we now have on Y&R is a situation with no characterization.

On THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL, we are now getting an unexpected, but welcome, bit of characterization with Bad Rick. I'm enjoying Bad Rick a great deal. You have to admire anyone who thinks they can seduce women while hobbling around on a cane. Otherwhere in the episode, Ridge eating sushi off of Brooke's body was more funny than sexy. It looked delicious but my brain kept on screaming "You need soy sauce and wasabi, people!" Would it have been too messy for Brooke to dribble packets of soy sauce on her arms and put some lumps of green wasabi in her belly button? Probably.

Speaking of messes -- HOLY SHIT is DAYS OF OUR LIVES on a kamikaze mission or what? By now the news of Deidre Hall and Drake Hogestyn being let go overshadows everything, but I was still indignant at today's episode. Is this the last we see of Nick?!? I hope not. Blake Berris did a fantastic acting job as Psycho Stalker Nick, but the change in character is unbelievable and the attempt to make Nick's accidental killing of Willow now semi-intentional is just risible. I will give DOOL kudos for the scene where Chelsea and Steph laid into Melanie for causing Nick to go off the deep end, because that is exactly how the audience feels! I don't think it was smart to introduce a new character, pair her off with an established fan favorite and then have him turn Psycho Stalker on her. Doesn't exactly make you like the newbie...

ONE LIFE TO LIVE is very compelling lately. I love the highly theatrical presentation of Jessica's three personalities. The cage with mirror shards representing her mind is simple and effective, and the large screens showing the outside world are also well-used. Hooray for good set decoration!

GENERAL HOSPITAL generally has good sets, but it was so boring today that I actually spent most of my 2-3PM soap viewing switched over to praqctically set-less GUIDING LIGHT. (!!!!) Here is GH today: mob war, mob war, blah, blah, Zaccarah, blah, Bensonhurst, blah, Claudia, yadda yadda. I do like Olivia a lot, but how much newly invented backstory for Sonny can they cram into his life before he came to Port Charles?

GUIDING LIGHT was a highly schizophrenic viewing experience. On one hand you've got Reva with leaukemia and a pregnancy, and it is a daring, original story. I tell ya, Kim Zimmer and Elizabeth Hubbard will be battling it out with duelling hospital bed scenes come Emmy time next year! On the other hand, soooo much of the show is now revolving around G/Grady/Gillespie, it's ludicrous. Kane Manera is a very limited actor, and he can not hit all the beats expected of him -- charming one moment, scary the next, a bit of both sometime. Plus, pair him with a good actress like Caitlin Van Zandt and his defects are all too apparent. Really, when it became clear that Cassie was not going to be part of the show for much longer, they should have had her kill Grady as revenge for Tammy's death. Then she could have gone on the run and two annoying residents of Springfield would be off our screens.

AS THE WORLD TURNS continued its upward swing today. (Have I mentioned that the show's been so good that I am finally caught up? Woohoo!) Laurence Lau excelled today in his scenes with Elizabeth Hubbard and Van Hansis. He was so good I almost started to think that Luke imagined the drunken kiss as well! I think Brian really does love Lucinda, but he can't help being attracted to Luke (can you really blame him?) and is going to repress that attraction at all costs...until it erupts again. Mistletoe at the Snyder farm in the Kitchen Of Lust, perhaps?

GOODBYE DYLAN BRUCE

My first episode to watch in my sizable AS THE WORLD TURNS backlog was the one from the 15th, which was Dylan Bruce's last episode. He seemed so sad throughout; it made for heartbreaking viewing. What are the producers thinking? Dylan is gorgeous, charismatic and can act. He has great rapport with Bob Hastings and Kathryn Hays. He is the first Chris Hughes I have seen that works for me. Chris is an integral part of Oakdale, and a Chris/Emily/Alison/Casey/Dani plot practically writes itself. If someone has to be let go to pay for Grayson McCouch's return, I think Agim Kaba would be a better choice. Aaron has become increasingly unlikable and strident, with few storyline prospects. While I have enjoyed Agim's performance in the past, especially his scenes with Van Hansis, the current writing team is not playing to his strengths. I think Chris Goutman and Jean Passanante have made a huge mistake in getting rid of Dylan Bruce and his character of Chris Hughes.

On a lighter note, GOSSIP GIRL was positively crackling tonight, which was a relief after last week's lumpy episode. I will even forgive the completely horrendous cover of The Smiths' HOW SOON IS NOW that played, as I hope its inclusion was a sign of Agnes' evil nature. Anyone who loves that version of a classic song is clearly a minion of Satan.

I saw some of GENERAL HOSPITAL tonight. Having not watched the show for a couple of weeks, I was struck by how the tone of the show is all over the place. The scenes I saw, one after the other, were:
1) Nadine and Nicolas engage in romantic comedy banter
2) Lulu nutty in a straitjacket
3) Laura and Scott rehashing their complicated backstory in a plane
4) Luke and Tracy shooting at people in Mexico
NONE of these story threads felt connected to the other. (And I haven't even mentioned everything going on with Patrick and Robin!) GH has ceased to be about anything. Compare this to the GH spinoff, NIGHT SHIFT, which works because it is entirely concentrated in the hospital, which allows the cast and plots to be tighter. The sprawling GH currently seems to be functioning on the principle of throwing everything at a wall and seeing what sticks.

SCREW YOU CBS 2!

I would love to blog about Tuesday's episode of AS THE WORLD TURNS but just when Lucinda and Brian sat down to eat, my local CBS affiliate decided to interrupt the show in order to show me footage of a fire happening nowhere near me! And they reran GUIDING LIGHT that night but no ATWT! And I can't watch that episode online because my computer is a piece of shit! And Van Hansis was looking obscenely hot in the whole 3 minutes I got of him! AAAAAARGHHH!

As for today's episode, I was amused by the last minute return of James Stenbeck on Paul's computer. Will he step through the screen to assume corporeal form?!? I am finding Parker and his ridiculously girly hair very, very annoying, which is a shame because I used to groove on his authentic sullenness. At least this episode had Juicy Janet being so super cool and sexy that Jack had to hang up on Carly in order to get his freak on. Take that Carly!

THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS was awfully good, from what I saw of it. (My itchy channel surfing finger kept switching over to ALL MY CHILDREN during the commercials.) The only thing I like more than Chloe marrying Cane is Sharon's blase, I've-got-better-things-to-think-about reaction! And the only thing I LOVED more than that is Phyllis telling Sharon to stop worrying about her ex-husband who is now Phyllis' husband, thank you very much. Y&R is really juicing up normally boring couples lately. Cane and Lily, Nick and Phyllis: all they needed was some good writing and interaction with other characters to make then watchable again. And hooray for SORASing Noah. That kid actor who played him as a child always irritated me -- he was so artificial and stagy, like the brat who is in the lead role of the school play that you are forced to sit through in order to see your own kid as a talking tree or something.

AMC also appears to be on an upswing. I like Jake, Amanda and Taylor. I like the interplay between Jesse and Angie. I don't know why Randi is still on the show but I am trusting Chuck Pratt to make her interesting or to get rid of her. And I am looking forward to Vincent Irizarry's return as David Hayward, because every soap needs a good villain.

I am not sure who the villain is on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL. I think it was Pam who poisoned Eric, but I hope that doesn't mean we'll see the last of her. I would like Owen to be more of a rotter; I don't buy him taking the rap for Donna. I would rather see Brandon Beemer work his way through the women of the show than the aging lothario that is Jack Wagner.

HAPPY NUKE-IVERSARY!

While there was no explicit acknowledgement in the August 18, 2008 episode of AS THE WORLD TURNS that it has been one year (well, sorta -- the exact date was August 17, 2007) since Luke and Noah first kissed, I still felt a wave of anniversary goodness from the show. We got another kiss, suggestive arm rubbing and a feeling that Luke and Noah had to get dressed up to celebrate something special. All of this was just lovely, and it is a pleasure to welcome Laurence Lau to Oakdale. Finally a love interest for Lucinda!

On a less essential note, DAYS OF OUR LIVES' throwaway film noir fantasy week (designed so as not to disrupt the continuing storylines while NBC is showing the Olympics) is damn good for disposable entertainment. Everybody seems to be playing it straight and the cinematography is excellent. What could have been an embarassing homage (am I the only one who remembers Dillon's wince-inducing silent movie fantasy on GENERAL HOSPITAL?) is instead a nostalgic bonbon that pays loving tribute to classic Hollywood.

I am sad to report that NIGHT SHIFT has failed to pass the DVR test. Last week, as I was running out of room on my DVR I had to delete something in order to record ATWT. NS disappeared from the grid, and after seeing a little bit of that episode on SoapNet tonight, I don't think I missed much. Unless you count a scene of an old woman talking to a gay doctor about her vagina. I honestly wish this was must see TV that I would be DVRing like mad, but it just isn't. The episodic plots are just so daft. Take the episode where Gay Doc deduced that a woman suffering from Irritable Bowel Syndrome was still depressed about her dead husband because she was doing a crossword puzzle from a 2 year old newspaper. If I was Gay Doc, I would have looked at her paper, chirpily remarked "My, you sure stockpile those puzzles!" and gone on my merry way. That kind of thing makes me yearn for Season 1 of NS, where IBS lady would either be murdered by Killer Nurse Jolene or riddled with bullets as a casualty of whatever gang war was hitting the General Hospital NIGHT SHIFT that week! Am I the only one who preferred NS when it was a bit more trashy?

HANNIBAL LECTER EATS OAKDALE

Well, not really. But in Friday's cracking good episode of AS THE WORLD TURNS Oakdale's famous serial killer Rick Decker made a welcome reappearance in order to solve The Mystery Of The Poisoned Accessories. I think he's a big red herring and the soon-to-return James Stenbeck is the real culprit. When that scene started where Carly dared to knock on Lily's door, I was hoping that Luke would rip Carly a new one. No such luck, but Van Hansis conveyed volumes with just a few lines and a few looks. Speaking of characters with few lines, I was pleased to see Wole Parks' Dallas make an appearance. Now that it looks like Bonnie is finally getting a storyline, can't Dallas get one too? Wole is charismatic and his body is TIGHT!

We started our rewatching of the brilliant 4th series of DOCTOR WHO tonight, since I finally gave in and ordered the uncut UK DVDs after suffering at the hands of Sci-Fi Channel's butchers for the last 13 weeks. The guest casting this series has been really top notch, with several ex-soap stars making an appearance. Episode 1, PARTNERS IN CRIME, has ex-CORONATION STREET star Sarah Lancashire doing a funny takeoff on Supernanny Jo Frost and it's even funnier because she plays it dead serious. Sarah took a similar gambit in CORRIE; Raquel was a typically comedic Rover's Return barmaid, but Sarah never descended to caricature in her portrayal.

Episode 2, THE FIRES OF POMPEII, featured a soap actor less well-known than Sarah but still remembered by me -- Francois Pandolfo, who was briefly in EASTENDERS as Enrico, a foreign exchange student with funny spiked hair and a weak grasp of English. Sonia and Nicki fought over him and he chose Sonia over the DeMarco chick because of her passion for the trumpet. (Yes really!!) Then he went back to Italy and didn't answer Sonia's letters or Valentine Day's card, causing her to get really, really upset and to sleep with Martin Fowler. That one night of foolishness on Sonia's part led to at least seven years worth of story for Sonia and Martin! So Enrico may be a footnote in Albert Square history, but a notable footnote nonetheless. His portrayer Francois has grown up to be rather hunky, with a good pair of legs noticeable beneath his short tunic in POMPEII. (Wole's tight body, Francois' fit legs -- WHAT is on my mind tonight???)

CARLY MUST DIE

As much as I enjoyed my mini-marathon of the latest two episodes of AS THE WORLD TURNS today, I have to admit that Carly needs to be bitch-slapped into oblivion. The writers are doing a good job of keeping Luke involved in the action; I would really like to see a scene where he tears Carly apart for ruining his parents' marriage. Even if he only tears her apart verbally! Van Hansis does bitchy anger very well -- let's see some of that directed against the contemptible Carly!

I woke up this morning to find out that THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS has apparently gotten good again while I wasn't looking. I detect the firm hand of Hogan Sheffer in this. Chloe is being revved up to engage in the kind of gleeful bad girl behavior that is a Hogan Sheffer trademark. Sheffer really saw the potential of Chelsea in DAYS OF OUR LIVES during his tenure there and I still remember how he thrust Katie into ATWT's spotlight way back in 2000. Every soap needs a good bad girl!

If Y&R is improving, THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL is starting to take a nose dive. Today's episode was dreary. Eric's in a coma and his family have to decide whether to pull the plug. Katie is somehow pregnant with Nick's kid even though we never saw them do it. Where's the fun? Where are the campy women and the hot guys? B&B has always been the most glam of the soaps. They should play to that strength instead of trying to get some Serious Drama going. Leave that to domestic soaps like ATWT and DOOL, which excel at family dynamics. The Forrester, Logan and Marone families' dynamics are so twistedly near incestual, any attempt to base a story in B&B around family integrity is ludicrous.

Speaking of ludicrous, I am glad to see that ONE LIFE TO LIVE has gotten Andrea Evans out of Mendorra. Seeing her involved in fake country shenanigans, I started to see Andrea slip into PASSIONS mode, which involves a lot of fake, crummy acting. PASSIONS ended today, BTW. RIP PASSIONS. I liked that show enough at one point to name The Adorable Cat after its most inspired character, Timmy!

DOOL was also inspired today. I LOVED the vintage clips of Bo and Hope getting married!!! I think Kristian Alfonso has improved with age, like a fine wine. Peter Reckell always looks the same to me; only the length and landscape of his hair changes. And even though Belle and Shawn are not currently a part of the show, kudos to DOOL's writers for having a letter from them read during the wedding ceremony.

I saw some of ALL MY CHILDREN as well, but it was soooo bad I have trouble remembering it. I vaguely remember Randi and Frankie annoying me, and Annie annoying me. The show has hit an absolute nadir of late, as if to show us how rubbish it can be before Chuck Pratt (hopefully) works New Head Writer Magic on it. I don't wish unemployment on anyone (it really, really sucks) but I don't see how AMC can be fixed unless MAJOR axing occurs. Randi, Petey, Frankie, Dre, Annie, NuColby, Samuel, Babe -- these characters have all reached dead ends. Maybe Janet From Another Planet can go on a killing spree and do Pine Valley a favor? Then with the cast payroll that's been freed up, they can bring Cady McClain back as Dixie!

COCKBLOCKING IS BETTER THAN CROTCH SCRATCHING

Thursday's episode of AS THE WORLD TURNS was surprisingly credible, even though my brain will not stop saying WHY ARE NUKE NOT HAVING SEX??!! I think it helped things to have Luke and Noah actually talk about it instead of dodging the issue. Van and Jake worked hard to sell it. Hopefully when they DO have sex it'll be romantic and special, and not the trauma-induced grief sex Noah fears it will be.

On NIGHT SHIFT our new gay character Dr Kyle Julian was introduced explaining to instant BFF Dr. Claire that he hasn't scratched his crotch once all day! And she couldn't figure out from that he's gay?!? I admit that I am so hungry for gay representation on soaps that I will watch NIGHT SHIFT every week, even though Dr Kyle looks like he's going to be celibate -- see SOAP OPERA DIGEST 8/5/08 p.62 "...dealing with his nonexistent love life..." Man, I thought the sexless gay best friend was out of fashion, with the recentish end of WILL AND GRACE being the final nail in that particular coffin. Oh, and NS without Stone Cold, Spinelli and Maxie is not enough to keep the Semi-Employed Boyfriend rooted to the couch. I think he lasted 25 minutes and came back on my insistence to see Dr Kyle come out. Lesson to be learned here? Don't downplay the regulars in favor of newbies unless the newbies are damn interesting.

I much prefer GENERAL HOSPITAL's previous spin-off, PORT CHARLES. In fact watching an episode today featuring Kent Masters King as sexy werewolf Imani, I was reminded how one of the pleasures of the first season of NS was seeing a greater role for King's GH character, Lainey. The stuff with her dying dad and her unusual realtionship with psycho vet Cody really gave Kent strong material that she has never got on GH. Wouldn't NS be more fun if it took minor GH characters and fleshed them out? Doesn't every GH viewer want to see more Diane, Max or Milo? NS could also have taken GH characters like Monica and Bobbie who don't have storyline on GH and given them something to do at night -- they could do anything since they have no daytime continuity to conflict with! Instead of bringing back Robert and Jagger, why not work with what you already have?

THE END OF COCKBLOCKING?

Finally caught up tonight with Friday's episode of AS THE WORLD TURNS and was thrillled to see that next week Luke will actually attempt to have sex with Noah. Also loved the scene with Janet and Nuke -- I'm starting to think Julie Pinson is the best thing to hit Oakdale this year. For those who wish to keep score of the cockblocking, this episode cocks were blocked by a) Granma Emma's house "rules" and b) OMG! Mom's in the hospital! I think b) is a perfectly valid reason for sex not happening, but the continued adherence to a) is just daft -- even Janet pointed out that rules are meant to be broken!

COCKBLOCKER BLUES

AS THE WORLD TURNS was unbelievable today in regard to Luke and Noah's sex life (or lack thereof.) I can't believe these two would be willing to wait to have sex for the most flimsy of reasons -- they are living in the house of Luke's aunt, and she doesn't want hot, nasty gay teenage sex under her roof. Umm...don't they realize Emma is away? Jack and Janet did! And to overshare for a moment from my relevant experience -- during my college years my boyfriend and I let NOTHING stand in the way of having sex. We pushed dorm beds together. Oblivious straight dormmates of ours would knock on our door and we would lie there, giggling, pretending not to be there while we were really in bed together! It is just not realistic that Luke and Noah could be a couple for 3/4 of a year and not have had sex already!!!! Van Hansis has been very good at showing desire for Noah even with no dialogue. Let's see that desire fulfilled!

Rant over.

I only managed to put up with THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL for its first segment today, as Friday's promising cliffhanger was dully resolved. Nope, Katie's not stopping the wedding. She's just not reading the written vows and is improvising instead. Ah well at least Brandon Beemer is interacting with Felicia. I am feeling the chemistry!

I am finding it hard to fully concentrate on DAYS OF OUR LIVES lately. I liked the food fight between Nicole, Sami and Chloe. I like the streaks in Chelsea's hair. Ummmm....maybe I just need some more John Black and some kind of story for Nick, who is too cute to be relegated to friend-on-the-sideline status. I also don't want Nicole's alcoholism to be cured. I like Nicole drunk and crazy and quipping. And I'm not feeling any Doctor Daniel/Chelsea love. He is too old for her -- remember, he has now been established as having slept with her GRANDMOTHER! Maybe he should sleep with Chelsea's paternal granma too, and give Caroline some action now that Victor's bedridden!

GENERAL HOSPITAL and GUIDING LIGHT both had good stuff in them today, but were also plagued by recurring problems. Yep, there was more zaccharahing in GH. You can tell something is wrong when I have Maxie and Spinelli and I still change the channel!

GUIDING LIGHT had some terrific scenes with Reva, Josh and Jeffrey. I loved how Reva told Jeffrey immediately about kissing Josh. They are such a strong couple, even though Jeffrey must know Reva will always consider Josh the love of her life. On the down side, there were awful scenes concerning Ava and Bill. That bit with the pizza where Remy knows what Ava orders and Bill doesn't so Remy is the one for her -- give me a break! Pepperoni is so much better than a veggie special! I ate 4 slices of pepperoni pizza today! Bill, I will be happy to eat pizza with you anytime.

Tonight I actually left the house to see a revival screening of XANADU, which sadly does not live up to its reputation as a camp classic. What was really fun were the trailers shown to accompany the film, organized thematically to fit the movie. In the trailer for the 2000 film CENTER STAGE I saw Elizabeth Hubbard! I elbowed the Semi-Employed Boyfriend and freaked out! I've since looked our Lucinda Walsh up on IMDB and am thrilled to see that she's had a bit of a film career. I've seen her in I NEVER SANG FOR MY FATHER but I can't remember her in ORDINARY PEOPLE. She's also been in an episode of LAW & ORDER that I'm dying to see! Elizabeth Hubbard film festival, anyone?

"That's soooooo our song now."

I tell ya, if AS THE WORLD TURNS had ended the final Nuke scene today with a reprise of "True Colors" there wouldn't have been a dry eye in the house. Instead, there was a huge sigh of relief that Noah did not join the army. The last three episodes of ATWT have been spectacular for Nuke fans. Thursday's Cyndi Lauper-fest was fantastic. Kudos to Van Hansis for his acting all around but especially for his emoting while Cyndi sang. I'm going to chalk that up to Van's theatre experience, where he has to be seen in character even when he has no dialogue because he's on stage. Plus we got two (!) Nuke kisses! Friday's scenes of Holden and Luke just talking were unexpected and welcome. I have also enjoyed Jack getting his freak on with Janet, who is so much more fun than Carly. And I am surprised how much I've been rooting for Paul and Meg -- I really want them to be happy! ATWT isn't perfect -- Carly/Holden continued to be a dud and what was up with that poorly realized Hugh Grant wannabe today? -- but there is so much going on that is good I easily overlook the bad. Plus, this show knows how to use the long-term cast members. Barbara, Lisa, the Hughes and the Stewarts have all been getting juicy scenes. Now if Jean Passanante and Chris Goutman can give Elizabeth Hubbard something to do I'd be over the moon!

I wish I could be as positive about ATWT's lead-in, THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL. Katie and Bridget both being in love with Nick fails to convince. Even worse, I read in this week's SOAP OPERA DIGEST that B&B is being "revamped...in the name of appealing to a younger audience..." which I guess accounts for the plethora of establishing location shots today. Hey, Bell family -- you want to appeal to a younger audience? Stop the Nick/Bridget/Katie story NOW and concentrate on the fun characters -- Stephanie, Pam, Felicia! How about pairing all three of these mature ladies with Owen, who looks like he'd be all too happy to fleece a bunch of rich Forrester women? If you're going to introduce new, younger characters, pair them with veterans to keep the show recognizable, instead of pushing all your newbies to the forefront of the show.

Which is what I fear ALL MY CHILDREN is doing. I'm still seeing drunk NuColby, Dre and Cassandra. What I'm not seeing is any reason to care for them. (Though I care slightly for Cassandra, since I don't want her parents, Jesse and Angie, to be worried about her. Remember, when Darnell Williams cries, the world cries with him.) I am concerned about another upcoming newbie, a recast and maybe SORASed Petey Cortlandt. SOD mentions that Colby will not be glad to see him. Ummmm....why? WARNING: artificial backstory alert! If this turns out to be the summer of NuColby, Dre, Frankie, Cassandra, NuPetey and Randi I might just stick to CBS the hour of 12PM - 1PM.

This summer, I don't think I'll be switching off ONE LIFE TO LIVE. The show continues to be insanely exciting. Nora denouncing Lindsay had an unexpected payoff. Lindsay seemed sympathetic, while Nora became an unlikable, vengeful harpy in the eyes of her boyfriend, ex-husband and son. What an intriguing way to wrap up this story. I am also loving the twists and turns with Starr's baby, even though The Unemployed Boyfriend found it unconvincing that Cole would go to Todd, The Face Of Evil, for help. I think it's perfectly in character for Cole, who I think of as a total dipshit for not wearing a condom in the first place!!!

I still check into DAYS OF OUR LIVES as well. James Scott can have sex with me in the elevators of my broken down apartment building anytime, and not just because he looks good with his shirt off. Unlike Neil on ATWT today, EJ is totally believable as someone raised in the UK. Notice the way he pronounces garage and, again, I will point out the scene where EJ eats fish'n'chips the authentic way with salt and vinegar. I have been to the UK 5 times and, overall, the guys there are hot metrosexuals like EJ and not poncey weeds like the stereotype on today's ATWT. So hooray for James Scott and whoever steers EJ away from cultural stereotyping!

GENERAL HOSPITAL amused the hell out of me with the elaborate shenanigans that resulted in photos of Jax and Kate being taken that look like she's giving him a hummer! How on earth is GH going to refer to this storyline in the show? Can you even say "blowjob" on daytime TV? In a more serious storyline, The Unemployed Boyfriend and I were glued to our seats waiting for Lulu to kill Logan, who deserves death for hurting Maxie. Nor have I forgotten the episode where he beat up Spinelli and referred to him as a "little bitch." No, Logan, it is karma that is a bitch and right now that bitch is biting you in the ass.
Speaking of bitches, shouldn't Livia Soprano have popped up in today's episode to snark "Poor you!" at Claudia Zaccarah? God, what a whinger.

Despite poor directing, I was amused to see Reva's (apparently low, low, low budget) movie on GUIDING LIGHT with the changed ending so Josh chooses Reva over Cassie. I chortled at the lookalike playing Cassie in the movie, too. I still feel sorry for Caitlin Van Zandt as she is forced to enact idiotic stories for her character. Caitlin, please contact HBO. They had a hit with JOHN ADAMS and a GEORGE WASHINGTON miniseries must be in the works. You will be perfect as George's epileptic stepdaughter, Patsy. I do not mean that in a pejorative way. You are a real talent and you are wasted on Ellen Wheeler's Cameraphone (TM) when you should be seen in High Definition. Get out of Peapack, Caitlin!

NO NUKE FOR ME

This picture of Van Hansis is the closest I'm gonna get to seeing Luke Snyder since I am now semi-employed and it sure is wrecking havoc with my soap viewing! 4 episodes of ATWT languish in my DVR. Beth Ehlers' last GUIDING LIGHT is also there, unwatched and unloved. I did manage to see the last bit of DAYS OF OUR LIVES today. While I am happy to see Chelsea's hair back to its normal fierce cut, her romance with the older Dr. Daniel is icky. I dig Dr.Daniel, but just not with Chelsea...plus, I think the writers have underestimated the viewers, who prefer Chelsea with Nick.

There were many charming Maxie/Spinelli scenes on GENERAL HOSPITAL today. I appreciated Maxie bringing Spinelli flowers, since I now work in a flower shop. It was like GH was acknowledging my new job! I enjoyed the notion of Leyla as Spinelli's new confidante. It would be fun to see her actually date him, as a way to give Spinelli the confidence to really go after Maxie.

I do find myself switching the channel over to GL, however, whenever Claudia or another Zaccharah besides Johnny makes an appearance. I just feel the fun being sucked out of the screen. While Sarah Brown is a good actress, Claudia doesn't work with any character -- except Spinelli, who disarms her creepiness with goofiness. I think the plan for Claudia was to pair her up with Sonny and when that didn't really take off (despite shoe fetish sex) the writers were at a loss as to what to do with her. Therefore, this sudden one-sided relationship with Stone Cold. I don't think there's room for another scheming woman in Port Charles; we already have Carly, Sam and Maxie. I dunno -- maybe Claudia can start a fashion mag for mob women called CEMENT SHOES.

So I switched over to GL to escape the Zaccarah woman and found myself watching the ridiculous scene where Lizzie slipped into Bill and Ava's wedding while crouching down behind other people entering, even though she was in full sight of the security guard. I am also annoyed at how GL continually refers to Jonathan and baby Sarah; all that does is remind me of how good the show used to be. Ellen Wheeler is probably hoping if she mentions Jonathan enough, Tom Pelphrey will come back. Don't hold your breath, Cameraphone (TM) girl!

BOOB SWEAT AND TEARS

Apart from the sight of Melissa Clare Egan from ALL MY CHILDREN wiping the perspiration out of her cleavage, the Soapnet Preshow was a disaster. Mikes went out, MVP got more airtime than any other interview segment and Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann were asked the same boring ass questions they are always asked, about kissing and the supposed awkwardness thereof. Hey, how about asking the only two actors in daytime playing gay characters how they feel about being in California, which has now legalized gay marriage? Or getting a real life lesbian couple -- Ellen Degeneres and Portia DeRossi-- to interview soap's only gay couple?
There were brief glimmers of fun, though. Roger Howarth and his little girl were ultra cute, Trent Dawson was refreshingly frank about how miserable he was on the red carpet and Sonya Eddy rocked this ex-retail worker's world by proudly stating she bought her dress from Nordstrom's and she thanked the salesgirl, Vanessa! Hooray for retail sales clerks!

The Emmys themseves were slightly better, but still disappointing. While Tom Pelphrey is a fantastic actor, I think Van really deserved the Emmy instead because he actually drove story for the second half of last year, while Tom's last appearance was in January. Jennifer Landon deservedly won, and I love she beat those twits from THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS. (How on earth did those three newbies score noms?!?) Gina Tognoni is OK as Dinah, but is not as Emmy-worthy as Kelley Menighan Hensley, who stunned ATWT last year with a bold and shocking story. Like Gina, Kristoff St. John is also a sturdy, but unspectacular performer. His Emmy really belongs with Trent Dawson, who truly supports ATWT with liveliness and charm even when he doesn't have a story of his own. Jeanne Cooper's win was deserved and so was Tony Geary's. GENERAL HOSPITAL did have a good 2007, but the Emmy for Drama Series really should have gone to ONE LIFE TO LIVE, which actually scored Directing and Writing Emmys. If your show is the best writen and directed, shouldn't it be the Best Drama?
Van and Jake presenting an Emmy to Ellen DeGeneres could have been the Gayest Thing Ever but no connection was attempted or made. C'mon, Ellen, you couldn't crack a Nuke joke?!? Plus, Van looked exhausted, from heat and not winning. And he didn't even get a clip shown during the nominee list for his category! Oh well, at least Bryton didn't win.

As for who should have won but wasn't even nominated? Kirsten Storms. Kristen Alderson and Kathy Brier (who should submit their scenes together from today's OLTL for Emmys next year!) I cheer myself up with the sight of Beth Ehlers and Ricky Paull Goldin at the AMC table happily enjoying being filmed with proper lighting and cameras as Ellen Wheeler looks on with the evil eye. I am really glad GUIDING LIGHT did not win Best Drama, because Elllen Wheeler was pretty damn insufferable last year, babbling on about her stupid contest to have the Emmy visit your home. (!!!) And why were scenes from GL this year included in the clip reel shown tonight, which is supposed to be footage from last year? So we all don't realize how good GL used to look before being shot through Ellen Wheeler's Cameraphone (TM)?
(The Unemployed Boyfriend is worried that Ellen Wheeler will be stealing all those digital cameras from the Emmy tables to shoot GL with. I am afraid I have no words of false comfort to soothe his troubled brow.)

EVERYONE IS UNEMPLOYED

Don't worry, Van Hansis still has a job. My unemployed ass just needed a random photo of Van to cheer myself up!

First The Adorable Cat (well, he never had a job in the first place), then me, and now The Employed Boyfriend is The Unemployed Boyfriend. So our house is now a hot mess of Unemployed Soap Viewers! The only soap he really watches with me is AS THE WORLD TURNS, but he'll pop in and comment on whatever I'm watching. The Unemployed Boyfriend seemed impressed with the Catalina Island set of THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL and queried why does ATWT look so cheap? I guess he's forgotten that ATWT looks like a Cecil B DeMille production compared to the The Ellen Wheeler Cameraphone (TM) show that is GUIDING LIGHT.

ONE LIFE TO LIVE was -- well, if it was a book I'd say it was unputdownable. When The Unemployed Boyfriend saw Dorian being strangled by Clint he knew I was in for the whole show. Nash's fall throught he skylight was shocking and probably heart attack inducing in those who didn't see it coming. And full marks to titling the episode THROUGH A GLASS, DARKLY. Funny and rather wonderful to come across a random Ingmar Bergman reference. I also loved David trying to talk ghetto with Sean.

Sean: Dorian, you're a doctor, right, like a MD?

David : She's not Dr.Dre, yo.

GENERAL HOSPITAL was not as gripping, but still inspired enough to keep me from Ellen Wheeler's Cameraphone on the other channel. The scenes with Spinelli and Maxie were faaaaaaabulous. I liked seeing some lesbians in Port Charles, too, which bodes well for the rumoured gay doctor in the second season of NIGHT SHIFT. The Unemployed Boyfriend is a bit out of touch when it comes to GH; he saw Kate and was all like "Oh she's back?" since he hasn't seen the show since she went to Manhattan. In fact, the last time he did any attentive viewing of GH was during the Text Message Killer story, which had him yelling "TEXT MESSAGE!" at the screen.

I loved the cliffhanger because I had to evaluate what I thought of these three loathsome women -- Lulu, Carly and Claudia all facing off. My gut reaction? Time for Carly to give you a smackdown, Claudia. And how dare you threaten Lulu!

ATWT was DVRed so I could watch other shows. I'm not in a hurry to watch it because I know yesterday's cliffhanger will not be resolved today. I really hope this story gets a proper resolution, and doesn't get forgoten about like the Ji Min murder story of THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS.