VIVIAN IS STILL IN THE COFFIN

..so I'm not really watching DAYS OF OUR LIVES right now, sorry! I love Louise Sorel (pictured) but this story should have lasted 2 days tops! This is the kind of crap that sunk PASSIONS.

I have been watching more of ONE LIFE TO LIVE, thanks to the casting of Kim Zimmer and Jessica Leccia from GUIDING LIGHT and Terri Columbino from AS THE WORLD TURNS. However, the hand of ex-ATWT writer Jean Passanante can be felt now that she writes for OLTL. This woman's credo? When in doubt on how to use a character, turn 'em psycho and get them out of town! Sigh.

That being said, I am really enjoying the Psycho Lisa storyline on GENERAL HOSPITAL. It is fascinating that Lisa wasn't killed off or sent to an asylum, as she continues to work at the hospital and everyone just has to deal with it. Today, when Sonny asked Robin if she wanted him to kill Lisa -- how many of us were screaming at the TV "SAY YES!!!" But it is in keeping with Robin's character that she wouldn't do that. Also good viewing was any scene with Adrienne Barbeau and/or Spinelli. I still want Suzanne to mix it up with more people, but her dumbfounded "Is that a kind of code?" response to Spinelli's babblings was very funny. I'm still hoping for Spinelli to get back with Maxie. They just don't sparkle with anyone else the same way.

THESE CHARMING MEN

I'm enjoying DAYS OF OUR LIVES very much nowadays, and am pleased to see Wally Kurth back on the show. He was very good as Sam on AS THE WORLD TURNS last year and I felt ATWT shortchanged his character somewhat by turning him psycho and rapey since Wally just seems like such a nice guy! Here's hoping DOOL gives Justin Kiriakis more to do than defend people on trial.

You know who also seems like a nice guy? GENERAL HOSPITAL's Dominic Zamprogna, who plays Dominic/Dante. There is just something so likable and appealing about him; he has a sense of humor and he's cute! I've just finished watching Dominic's run on BATTLESTAR GALACTICA and he was terrific in a recurring role. Oddly enough, his GALACTICA character was also an undercover cop -- what is it about Dom that screams UNDERCOVER COP at casting people?!? Oh, and his relationship with his MILFtastic mama Olivia is a hoot. She slaps him alongside the head! And he lets her!

This run of charm came to an end with today's viewing of GUIDING LIGHT. I sat there hoping Tom Pelphrey would be in today's show, to no avail. He wasn't in yesterday's show either. I watched the first two episodes of his return and was disappointed at the scarcity of air time and lack of interaction with the other players. I didn't bother to tape Monday or Tuesday's episodes but caught the last two live. If I see that damn convenience store one more time used as a way for characters to interact I'm gonna send Ellen Wheeler CORONATION STREET so she can see that corner shop drama doesn't have to be crap. Oh wait -- there's no point because GL is over! How weird is it to know that no matter how you feel about the current state of GL there is nothing you can do about it because the show has just stopped?!

OW

My head is starting to hurt keeping DAYS OF OUR LIVES' baby drama straight  -- whose baby is whose and who has whose baby?  I saw a spoiler on the new cover of SOAP OPERA DIGEST that promises to either simplify matters or make things even more convoluted!

Speaking of plot twists, I am loving the return of Constance Towers as Helena to GENERAL HOSPITAL.  I love even more that Rebecca is NOT in cahoots with her!  My SOD INSIDER revealed who she is in cahoots with, leading me to utter a melodramatic, queeny shriek that startled The Boyfriend.  Also of note is the relationship between Claudia and Michael.  Even though she is an evil, manipulative cow I actually found myself warming up to Claudia for the first time as she grew closer to Sonny's son.  Is Sarah Brown playing the subtext that as Claudia loses her relationship with her brother Johnny she is gaining a kind of brother in Michael?  I think she is.

GUIDING LIGHT continues to be viewed only in GH's commercials, because I can't take a whole hour in Springfield nowadays.  The way of filming everything is so flat that a potentially exciting scene like Bill's arrest at the climax of today's episode only looks stagy and fake.  I will be watching this show more closely when Tom Pelphrey returns but even then I might just fast-forward to his scenes.  And if I feel this way and I like, often have loved, GL, how does the casual viewer feel when presented with this poor looking show as they flip channels?  GL could have the best story in the world but if the surface is so uninviting viewers are not going to make an effort to get involved in this world.  I genuinely hope other soaps learn lessons from the fatal cost cutting measures GL undertook to save their show, which only ended up destroying it.

MASONRY

Watching ONE LIFE TO LIVE recently has brought back many happy memories of Forbes March (pictured) as Nash, since Jessica was staying with Nash's parents and flashing back to the birth of their child.  I am thrilled that he is joining AS THE WORLD TURNS as Mason, Noah's gay college advisor.  I hope the show makes good use of him!

In theory, I should be loving Rafe and Sami on DAYS OF OUR LIVES as much as the fans and critics do, but I'm just not feeling it.  I think I resent the way that their scenes together scream LOVE THIS NEW SUPERCOUPLE!  Or I might just like Sami better with EJ or Lucas.

I do like Drew Garrett as the SORASed Michael on GENERAL HOSPITAL.  He might just be neck-and-neck with Mick Hazen as Parker on ATWT for the coveted title of Angriest Teen On Daytime With A Woman Named Carly As Their Mother.  Today's episode was also good for giving Alexis something to do and giving her a flirtation with Mark Pinter's character.  Have I mentioned as yet the gorgeousness of the new sets in eye popping High Definition?  The new nurse's station looks like it goes on for miles and miles.  I look forward to the next ball or party in Port Charles!

It is hard for me to summon up any enthusiasm for the dying, camera-phoned GUIDING LIGHT.  From scene to scene it is choppy, verging on the unwatchable.  The bits of it I saw today were only viewed during the commercials for GH.  I wonder if there's any chance that for its last week or so, GL could go back to full studio filming?

WHO WILL DIE ON ALL MY CHILDREN?

I reckon it will be Ryan, because Cameron Mathison has received more exposure from DANCING WITH THE STARS and has seen his hosting duties increase elsewhere.  Plus, everyone seems to hate Ryan being paired with Kendall, so it seems logical for AMC to cut their losses with this character.

I was stuck in ONE LIFE TO LIVE prom land today, what with this afternoon's episode and the musical episode from 2 years ago that Soap Net reran Sunday.  (Though, typically, it was a special 2 part event and Soap Net only ran one part.)  The Pussycat Dolls' English language rendition of "Jai Ho" was horrid, but at least it was limited to the prom so we didn't have to witness Dorian and Vicki pretending to get down to those cheesy skanks.

DAYS OF OUR LIVES entertained me with the scenes between Nicole and Sami.  Their current predicament is so bizarre.  Nicole has Sami's baby but Sami doesn't know it.  Sami has what she thinks is her baby but is actually Mia's but she is passing it off as someone else's.  Nicole knows Sami is lying about her (Sami's) baby but she won't say anything because she (Nicole) wants to hold onto her (Sami's) baby.  So both women are playing a dangerous game which can play out for years if we are unlucky.

Writing that down exhausted me.  I must mention how fabulous GENERAL HOSPITAL looks in High Definition, and how awful GUIDING LIGHT looks in lower-than-low definition.  Did you notice that GL did not obstruct the Abercrombie & Fitch logo on James' jacket?  Could this be because GL forces the actors to wear those own clothes to shooting and the performers don't want their clothes destroyed by gaffing tape?

WHERE WILL WE NEXT SEE DANIEL COSGROVE?

 Daniel has been a highlight of these last years of GL, particularly in the Ava's baby story, where at times he was holding the entire thing together.  Here's hoping another soap snatches him up -- I hate the new 90210 but wouldn't it be funny if he returned to that show to romance Tori Spelling?

GUIDING LIGHT CANCELLED

It gives me no pleasure to blog about this.  What are the cast and crew going to do?  I don't wish unemployment on anyone, let alone this bunch.  GL should never, ever have gone to all digital video and 80% location shooting.  It makes for a terrible looking show, one which if you happen across  you flip channels away from.

Watching other soaps today was an odd experience, as I wondered what are the chances of other soaps staying on air.  THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS looks like a class act and is the only show shot in High Definition.  It has been top of the ratings for decades, so I think it's safe.  THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL is an international hit and its half hour status makes it automatically cheaper to produce, so that one's a keeper as well.

If you look at the ratings for ONE LIFE TO LIVE, it is actually the show that has lost the least amount of viewers in a decade.  (I swear, I saw it in TV GUIDE when they had an article about Deidre Hall and Drake Hogestyn being fired from DAYS OF OUR LIVES and the resultant death of daytime panic.)  They also know how to spend money wisely -- see the exciting, frequently updated credits that make you WANT to watch the show.  Recently, they pulled off an entire ball on a shoestring.  Plus, their storytelling is superb.  There is always the impression that something is happening in Llanview that is different and unmissable.  By giving each episode an individual title, you are encouraged to think of OLTL as a proper show that you sit down and watch, instead of having on as background.

Unfortunately, I think DOOL will be the next soap on the chopping block.  The show is lacking in energy and buzz and the high profile firings/leavings of popular, mostly long running cast members will not help keep this program on air.

AS THE WORLD TURNS is a difficult case.  While the groundbreaking, chemistry filled Nuke storyline has actually brought new viewers to soaps, the storytelling on ATWT is tired.  Here is my own personal example of the effect ATWT's scripting has had.  I love ATWT enough that I will fly out to New York for the fan club luncheon to meet the wonderful cast.  However, the writing on the show is so lacklustre that I can not keep up with watching ATWT, week in, week out.  I have episodes backed up on my DVR from February.  It is not must see TV for me any longer.  ATWT has to BECOME must see TV or else it will cease to exist.

WHY CAN'T RON CARLIVATI BE HEAD WRITER FOR AS THE WORLD TURNS?

As I watched yesterday and today's episodes of ONE LIFE TO LIVE, I was struck by how much more involving Llanview is than Oakdale.  Plots intersect, scenes end on hooks that keep you watching through the commercials, and characters interact in believable ways even when the stories are a trifle far-fetched.  Meanwhile, ATWT episodes from the beginning of February languish in my DVR.  Que lastima.

GENERAL HOSPITAL has been hit-and-miss lately, but today's episode was mostly hit.  I enjoyed Alexis covering for a hiding Winifred by claiming Winifred's muffled intake of breath was a fart.  I like the interplay between Olivia and Sonny, and the quietly shocking story of Robin running away to flirt with bartenders who have opera tickets.  (Unlike Robin, I would have gone to the opera, but hey, I'm easy that way.)

I watched a little bit of DAYS OF OUR LIVES and was pleased to see more Mya.  She underplays everything and I think she'll be a good match with Will.  Plus, I am a sentimental sucker for performers that were only supposed to be short-term but wind up with contracts.  More Mya and less Molly Burnett please!  I especially hated how Melanie played the "I'm only 18!" card today.  You can't expect to be taken seriously as a business woman only to blame your missteps on youthful folly!  (That is the most ridiculously Victorian phrase I have ever used in my writing, ever.)  Mya revealing all to Tony DiMera is potentially a good twist, but ruined for me by the knowledge that Tony will not be in the show for much longer.

Watched the scene on You Tube where GUIDING LIGHT's Grady gets pushed off a cliff.  Well, at least a dummy of Kane Manera did, anyway.  Hooray!  I can't believe we're supposed to feel sorry for Daisy!  To paraphrase Joy Behar, "Who cares?  So what?"

To return to OLTL, wasn't it fun to see Dan Gauthier show up on LOST as Jeff Fahey's co-pilot?  I always melodramatically overreact to surprise appearances of ex-soap stars in my favorite shows.  When his name appeared in the credits, I murmured under my breath "Oh my God..." but did not tell The Boyfriend why until the first commercial.  I am sure it is my air of mystery that keeps him enthralled.

Speaking of The Boyfriend, he gave me the ATWT tie-in novel THE MAN FROM OAKDALE as a birthday gift Monday.  It is hugely enjoyable so far, with a fanwanky plot that takes in appearances from Sierra, Frannie and Sabrina, and Will and Gwen!  Henry and Vienna are characterized very well, with their written escapades being preferable to all the baby nonsense they are going through on the television show.  I wish there was a book such as this for ALL MY CHILDREN's Reese and Bianca, an engaging couple given short shrift on TV who might be a great pair to write a novel about.  I would love to read about their courtship and shacking up together, rather than see Reese fall through glass and get blinded by her heterosexual crush.

VIVA ALLEY MILLS!

How great was Alley Mills on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL today?  It's tricky to get all dramatic when you're playing a comedic character but Alley pulled it off.  I felt so sorry for Pam!  Plus, Stephanie becomes 100% more likable when defending her sister.

THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS was also very good.  I enjoyed seeing Ely Pouget as Kay's doctor.  She was one of the stars of the short-lived '90s revival of DARK SHADOWS and also appeared in LA TAKEDOWN, Michael Mann's TV movie trial run for HEAT.  Hooray for surviving the '90s!

ALL MY CHILDREN was not so hot.  Despite interesting new characters like Taylor and Brot, Chuck Pratt's take on Pine Valley has amounted to a big heap of nothing.  I don't care about Zach and Kendall nor do I find it believable that Krystal would be so taken in by David.  Don't get me started on the travesty of Bianca and Reese and how daytime's first lesbian marriage was completely undone by having Reese kiss Zach the day before the wedding! 

ONE LIFE TO LIVE continues to thrive.  The way the plots intersect is ingenious and it's nice to see a show that makes room for fun supporting characters like Moe and Noelle while strengthening new characters like Ray and Stacy.  I am starting to see some serious chemistry between Dorian and Ray that I hope they run with!

DAYS OF OUR LIVES continues to be a bit meh.  Now that Sami is back in town and I've got a chance to see her interact with the 3 men in her life, I'm going to say Lucas is the man for her.  Alison Sweeney and Bryan Datillo are doing a very good job of interacting with the SORASed Will, who is certainly better looking than the old Will but hasn't quite convinced me yet that he is Sami and Lucas' offspring.

Speaking of unconvincing offspring, I have the ghastly feeling that Ethan on GENERAL HOSPITAL will be revealed as the son of Holly and/or Robert Scorpio in a blatant attempt to curry audience affection.  I'm not liking this "lovable scoundrel" one bit; he's not attractive or charming despite everyone on screen telling us he is!  He looks like a bad carbon copy of Tom Pelphrey.  In fact, could Ethan have been the role on GH that Tom Pelphrey was rumored to be up for, as hinted in SOAP OPERA DIGEST?  It would explain Ethan's look and bad boy behavior, which would seem tailor made for Tom -- who could actually have pulled this character off.

LOVED Olivia and Natalia on GUIDING LIGHT today!  Their scenes are so full of believable awkwardness and tension.  Curious to see how much Doris' newly exposed lesbianism will impact the rest of the show -- how about some emotional scenes with her daughter Ashlee, played by the fabulous but underused Caitlin Van Zandt?

Inspired by a new book by Jeff Thompson , THE TELEVISION HORRORS OF DAN CURTIS, I watched an episode of DARK SHADOWS for the first time in many, many months.  It was the second episode of the series and the biggest giggles came from Joan Bennett traipsing around her mansion at all hours of the night, in full evening gown and pearls.  She didn't so much project class as daftness, especially with the implication that she cooks everyone's meals and does the household chores in the same outfit!

WHY CRYSTAL HUNT IS BETTER THAN MOLLY BURNETT

Because she can act!

Seriously, ONE LIFE TO LIVE's Stacy and DAYS OF OUR LIVES' Melanie are both bad to the bone but I enjoy watching Stacy because Crystal Hunt is one stone cold bitch.  DOOL's Melanie, on the other hand, keeps trying to play the "I'm really vulnerable and sympathetic!  Enjoy my mischief!" card that becomes extremely tiresome in the hands of Molly Burnett, who overdoes the infantile pout something fierce.  I also enjoyed seeing Vanessa booted out of Llanview.  She was such an odd, bland character whose motivations were never clear.

GUIDING LIGHT continues to be on an upswing, despite being bookended with Kane Manera scenes.   Any time there are scenes with Reva, Jeffrey, Philip, Buzz and Alan I am glued to the screen.  If there's one thing GL does well, it is grief and its consequences -- remember, GL only started to get good about 5 years ago when it appeared Philip had been killed.    Now, if this absurd Lizzie kidnapping plot comes to a conclusion and Ellen Wheeler takes a leap and makes Natalia and Olivia lovers, GL might just become my new favorite show.  Though I am starting to wonder about Ashlee.  Shouldn't we be seeing her reaction to Coop's death?  (Full disclaimer: I haven't been watching every episode, so apologies if I missed some prime Caitlin Van Zandt emoting.)  

I haven't written about AS THE WORLD TURNS in ages.  That's because our DVR is insanely backed up and we only watched the episode from 1/23/09 tonight!  It is hard to get motivated to watch this show when there isn't a Nuke storyline running.  It is even harder when a boxset of BATTLESTAR GALACTICA is competing for your viewing!  Hopefully we will get caught up in time for the ATWT fan club luncheon in April. Onwards!

THE HOURGLASS IS RUNNING OUT

With the news that DAYS OF OUR LIVES is getting rid of Patch and Kayla, I have to wonder just how long this show can continue.  I think it's time for a deathmatch between DOOL and GUIDING LIGHT.  Which will be cancelled first?  My money is on DOOL.  At least GL is trying to lure viewers with pseudo lesbians and Phillip Happens Here. (The latter is GL's bewildering new ad slogan for the return of Grant Aleksander.  Are they trying to compare him to shit?!?) All DOOL is doing is driving viewers away by firing their favorite actors!

I saw a little bit of ONE LIFE TO LIVE tonight and was happy to see Scott Clifton.  I loved the hell out of him as Dillon on GENERAL HOSPITAL, and that's not just because my boyfriend was a film major in college as well!  I'm not sure what OLTL has planned for Scott's new character of Mr. J.  I would love for him to find out Todd's involvement in his Mom's death, leading to a final, definite Death of Todd story but we all know that's not going to happen.  Yes, all soaps need a good villain, but isn't Todd past the point of redemption many times over?

LESBIANS AND LOST

The powers that be have really got to stop pushing Reese and Zach together on ALL MY CHILDREN.  How many times does Reese or Zach have to get upset and hug or kiss each other just as Bianca walks in?  I am sick of it!

DAYS OF OUR LIVES is an odd show to watch right now.  With Drake Hogestyn and Deidre Hall's days (ho, ho) numbered, the show makes for uneasy viewing.  John and Marlena are what DOOL is about!  There is some comfort to be had from the show's other veteran supercouples.  Bo and Hope had some good scenes today just chatting about how hard it is to make time to be with each other.  Good, non-melodramatic character stuff.

I was amused by the faux-lesbian kiss on GUIDING LIGHT.  I found Natalia's scene with Emma's teacher, explaining that she and Olivia are not a couple but that doesn't make them any less of a family, to be surprisingly moving.  In fact, I think this is the first time EVER that I've found Jessica Leccia warm and appealing!  Unfortunately, it seems to me that GL is trying to have its cake and eat it, too.  They can have Jessica and Crystal Chappell's chemistry as a couple without having to take the step of making them a sexual couple and enraging homophobes.  Look here Ellen Wheeler -- take the Lesbian Leap.  Your show's only getting 1.4 million viewers!  How could making Olivia and Natalia actual lesbians actually hurt the show?

On the other side of my remote that hour was GENERAL HOSPITAL.  So, how dead is Leyla now that she's found happiness with an off-screen fiance?  I see on the SOAP OPERA DIGEST website that Nadine is off as well, even though she claims she won't be engulfed in the balls of flame set to destroy the nurses' station.  I'll be watching, mental fire extinguisher at my side.

My non-soap viewing tonight was the season premiere of LOST, featuring the ubiquitous ex-NEIGHBOURS actor Alan Dale.  I've mentioned him before on this blog, so suffice to say how good he is at playing evil businessmen with a minimum of screen time that cast a shadow over their entire show.  Alan is such a reliable corporate baddie, I fully expect to see him pop up in every show I watch, one time or the other.  Has he met with the producers of MAD MEN or 30 ROCK yet?

IN DREAMS I WALK WITH YOU

My night's viewing was capped off with a re-watching of BLUE VELVET, which I haven't seen in at least 12 years.  My head is still spinning.  This film has lost none of its fascination and power to disturb, no matter how many times you've seen it.

After BLUE VELVET, director David Lynch collaborated with Mark Frost on the unique soap TWIN PEAKS.  What is striking is that TWIN PEAKS is very much about a place and a mood, in a way American soaps are not.  What can we say about Pine Valley or Salem except that they're a backdrop for plots and characters?  I would like to see one soap take on the challenge of creating a world that you want to visit, regardless of which characters inhabit it.  To some extent British soaps like CORONATION STREET and EASTENDERS have created their own hyper-realities, which are the main draw of the shows with their sense of community and vibrant working class life.  If American soaps were to have a stronger sense of setting, it could result in higher ratings as viewers will tune into a show not because of the characters and plot but because they just like to visit Oakdale or Genoa City.

Oh good grief. I hope this wasn't what Ellen Wheeler was trying to get at when she had those awful ads for GUIDING LIGHT extolling the virtues of Springfield via CameraPhone. (TM)  you know, the ones at the beginning of the year that were all like "High School graduation!  Your first car!  Mom's apple pie!  SPRINGFIELD!!!!!"  Maybe if Ellen Wheeler's Springfield had a dark, twisted side to it like Lynch's Lumberton, I'd actually watch the show.

NOT NOW, CASSIE

I was surprised to see GUIDING LIGHT'S last Cassie, Nicole Forester, on this morning's BEVERLY HILLS 90210 rerun.  I didn't think she had ever done a soap before GL.  Unfortunately, my first impulse at the sight of Ms. Forester is to scream "Not now, Cassie!" at the TV -- my Pavlovian response to the ever annoying Cassie, a character so irritating you just wished Reva would smack her one.  Not Ms. Forester's fault, though; her portrayal was good, particularly in the aftermath of Tammy's death.

Speaking of recasts gone wrong  -- caught up with last Tuesday's episode of AS THE WORLD TURNS, which was a real showcase for the new Maddie, Kelly Barrett.  Sadly, unlike the fantastic Billy Magnusson, Ms. Barrett is unable to connect with material that was enacted by her predecessor.  Just think how moving her reunions with Noah and Casey would be if Maddie was still played by Alexandra Chando.  Kelly Barrett just does not possess the sparky vulnerabilty that Alexandra Chando had, that made Maddie a real heroine.  I'm all for giving Noah a friend (that boy has nobody to talk to!) but so far NuMadddie is just not convincing.  Besides the recast, NuMaddie is also written as sexually aggressive -- something the sexually abused old Maddie would never be.  I think it's time for the ATWT writers to either cut this character loose, or make Alex Chando a deal.

OMFG BRIAN NO!!!

I hate to say it, but THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS storyline of Kay living Marge's life is just not going to work because Kay has amnesia. If you look at ONE LIFE TO LIVE approximately one year ago, Viki was living a new life as a waitress by choice and it was terrific seeing her life (and the show) expand because of the choices she made. Kay is not living Marge's life by choice but by circumstance. What we now have on Y&R is a situation with no characterization.

On THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL, we are now getting an unexpected, but welcome, bit of characterization with Bad Rick. I'm enjoying Bad Rick a great deal. You have to admire anyone who thinks they can seduce women while hobbling around on a cane. Otherwhere in the episode, Ridge eating sushi off of Brooke's body was more funny than sexy. It looked delicious but my brain kept on screaming "You need soy sauce and wasabi, people!" Would it have been too messy for Brooke to dribble packets of soy sauce on her arms and put some lumps of green wasabi in her belly button? Probably.

Speaking of messes -- HOLY SHIT is DAYS OF OUR LIVES on a kamikaze mission or what? By now the news of Deidre Hall and Drake Hogestyn being let go overshadows everything, but I was still indignant at today's episode. Is this the last we see of Nick?!? I hope not. Blake Berris did a fantastic acting job as Psycho Stalker Nick, but the change in character is unbelievable and the attempt to make Nick's accidental killing of Willow now semi-intentional is just risible. I will give DOOL kudos for the scene where Chelsea and Steph laid into Melanie for causing Nick to go off the deep end, because that is exactly how the audience feels! I don't think it was smart to introduce a new character, pair her off with an established fan favorite and then have him turn Psycho Stalker on her. Doesn't exactly make you like the newbie...

ONE LIFE TO LIVE is very compelling lately. I love the highly theatrical presentation of Jessica's three personalities. The cage with mirror shards representing her mind is simple and effective, and the large screens showing the outside world are also well-used. Hooray for good set decoration!

GENERAL HOSPITAL generally has good sets, but it was so boring today that I actually spent most of my 2-3PM soap viewing switched over to praqctically set-less GUIDING LIGHT. (!!!!) Here is GH today: mob war, mob war, blah, blah, Zaccarah, blah, Bensonhurst, blah, Claudia, yadda yadda. I do like Olivia a lot, but how much newly invented backstory for Sonny can they cram into his life before he came to Port Charles?

GUIDING LIGHT was a highly schizophrenic viewing experience. On one hand you've got Reva with leaukemia and a pregnancy, and it is a daring, original story. I tell ya, Kim Zimmer and Elizabeth Hubbard will be battling it out with duelling hospital bed scenes come Emmy time next year! On the other hand, soooo much of the show is now revolving around G/Grady/Gillespie, it's ludicrous. Kane Manera is a very limited actor, and he can not hit all the beats expected of him -- charming one moment, scary the next, a bit of both sometime. Plus, pair him with a good actress like Caitlin Van Zandt and his defects are all too apparent. Really, when it became clear that Cassie was not going to be part of the show for much longer, they should have had her kill Grady as revenge for Tammy's death. Then she could have gone on the run and two annoying residents of Springfield would be off our screens.

AS THE WORLD TURNS continued its upward swing today. (Have I mentioned that the show's been so good that I am finally caught up? Woohoo!) Laurence Lau excelled today in his scenes with Elizabeth Hubbard and Van Hansis. He was so good I almost started to think that Luke imagined the drunken kiss as well! I think Brian really does love Lucinda, but he can't help being attracted to Luke (can you really blame him?) and is going to repress that attraction at all costs...until it erupts again. Mistletoe at the Snyder farm in the Kitchen Of Lust, perhaps?

FROM THE BOARDROOM TO THE BORED ROOM

I really enjoyed the scenes on THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS today where Nikki and Phyllis bitched at each other, and the subsequent scenes of Nikki snarking at Adam. I am afraid that I will be tuning out tomorrow, though, since who cares if Ana isn't going to school?

Crazy Pam was given full reign on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL. I love Alley Mills! She manages to go over the top without losing the core of her character. I am concerned that by pushing her so far over the edge Pam will become unredeemable and will disappear from our screens. Let's hope she's another one of those soap characters who is bad because of a brain tumour that can be easily cured!

I'm a bit bored with ALL MY CHILDREN. I am looking forward to the tornado that will bring back Bianca and David and will lead to Tamara Braun joining the show. I'm just tired of Kendall, Ryan, Greenlee, Annie and Zach (though I have fond feelings for Thorsten Kaye from his PORT CHARLES days.) I actively dislike Petey and Colby. Their performances are waaay too undergrad stagy -- both need to tone it down! However, when I see Taylor and Jake my interest perks up, and the show is also getting good mileage out of Carmen and Amanda. Randi is creepy, though. The Boyfriend pointed out that she seems to be wearing colored contacts, which have the unfortunate effect of making the actress unexpressive and possesive of cold, dead eyes. If they were smart, the writers would work in a reference as to how Randi's days as a whore have killed her soul!

ONE LIFE TO LIVE was fortunately spellbinding. Love, love, love Ilene Kristen letting it all hang out emotionally and otherwise -- look at that mascara run for its life! What a jolt after seeing Ilene 30 years ago as Delia in RYAN'S HOPE! Plus, the return of Adriana was dramatically pleasing. It offers her a chance at redemption and Melissa Fumero has really nailed the part.

GENERAL HOSPITAL was sorta good, sorta bad. All the stuff with Big Pussy was contrived and unfunny, even though GH's roster of character actors (Diane, Max, new arrival Vincent Pastore) were on top form. Really liked the scene where Epiphany put Robin and Patrick in their places, though. How unprofessional of them to take their relationship shit out on their staff!

GUIDING LIGHT was torture today. WAAAAAAAAAY too much Grady/Kane Manera for my liking. He is just too limited a performer (and the character of Grady just too repugnant) to carry so much story. Two scenes that stand out for suckiness today were the scenes where Grady tells Dinah he was hitting on her mom and where he brings Lizzie flowers. His facial expressions were woeful; incapable of conveying anything. He also has a real lack of comic timing. I also hated all the scenes of Mallett giving Marina the house. I like domestic soaps as much as anyone, but that storyline was too banal. What next -- Grady and Daisy go to the supermarket together to pick up snacks for the Peapack Craft Services table?

SCREW YOU CBS 2!

I would love to blog about Tuesday's episode of AS THE WORLD TURNS but just when Lucinda and Brian sat down to eat, my local CBS affiliate decided to interrupt the show in order to show me footage of a fire happening nowhere near me! And they reran GUIDING LIGHT that night but no ATWT! And I can't watch that episode online because my computer is a piece of shit! And Van Hansis was looking obscenely hot in the whole 3 minutes I got of him! AAAAAARGHHH!

As for today's episode, I was amused by the last minute return of James Stenbeck on Paul's computer. Will he step through the screen to assume corporeal form?!? I am finding Parker and his ridiculously girly hair very, very annoying, which is a shame because I used to groove on his authentic sullenness. At least this episode had Juicy Janet being so super cool and sexy that Jack had to hang up on Carly in order to get his freak on. Take that Carly!

THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS was awfully good, from what I saw of it. (My itchy channel surfing finger kept switching over to ALL MY CHILDREN during the commercials.) The only thing I like more than Chloe marrying Cane is Sharon's blase, I've-got-better-things-to-think-about reaction! And the only thing I LOVED more than that is Phyllis telling Sharon to stop worrying about her ex-husband who is now Phyllis' husband, thank you very much. Y&R is really juicing up normally boring couples lately. Cane and Lily, Nick and Phyllis: all they needed was some good writing and interaction with other characters to make then watchable again. And hooray for SORASing Noah. That kid actor who played him as a child always irritated me -- he was so artificial and stagy, like the brat who is in the lead role of the school play that you are forced to sit through in order to see your own kid as a talking tree or something.

AMC also appears to be on an upswing. I like Jake, Amanda and Taylor. I like the interplay between Jesse and Angie. I don't know why Randi is still on the show but I am trusting Chuck Pratt to make her interesting or to get rid of her. And I am looking forward to Vincent Irizarry's return as David Hayward, because every soap needs a good villain.

I am not sure who the villain is on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL. I think it was Pam who poisoned Eric, but I hope that doesn't mean we'll see the last of her. I would like Owen to be more of a rotter; I don't buy him taking the rap for Donna. I would rather see Brandon Beemer work his way through the women of the show than the aging lothario that is Jack Wagner.

THE HAPPY BLOG!

I was pleased as punch to see Brandon Beemer on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL interacting with Felicia, but today I was over the moon to see him rub up next to crazy Pam! Pam is just fabulous -- she's like one of the old ladies from GREY GARDENS has escaped and somehow wound up working for Forrester. I will happily eat your lemon bars, Pam!

Another enjoyably crazy old lady on soaps is Addie on ONE LIFE TO LIVE. I know it can't last because Tuc Watkins is leaving (again) but I dig Addie and David together. They have no illusions about each other and Addie is sweetly implacable in the face of Dorian's wrath. David's quoting of LIAISIONS DANGEREUSES and MEDEA at Dorian were very funny and quite apropos. I will happily trade literary barbs with you, David!

DAYS OF OUR LIVES smoked up my living room with John and Ava's lovemaking. Good lord, why on earth is Tamara Braun leaving this show when they are obviously going out of their way to keep her interested with quality material? Her and Drake Hogestyn are smoking! Drake continues to make me love "bad" John Black: "Let's have caviar and champagne! We can clean up the blood later!" was delivered with a wicked, infectious grin. It was also hot that after sex, Ava was wearing John's bathrobe! I too will happily trade black silk bathrobes with you, John Black!
As for the rest of the show....Chelsea's hair continues to look fierce. I hope Chelsea finds out about her Granma (!) and Dr. Daniel soon because it's fun to see her go off on a tear. I will happily go to the hair stylist with you, Chelsea!

GUIDING LIGHT still looks and sounds like it is shot on Ellen Wheeler's Cameraphone (TM) but the storytelling is revving up and there are some really good performances. Daniel Cosgrove is doing a great job of underplaying his melodramatic storyline and we're seeing more and more of Reva and some of the other veterans (like that great scene today between Vanessa and Mel.) As long as Port Charles is overrun with Zaccharahs, I will happily be taking the PATH train to Peapack!

COCKBLOCKER BLUES

AS THE WORLD TURNS was unbelievable today in regard to Luke and Noah's sex life (or lack thereof.) I can't believe these two would be willing to wait to have sex for the most flimsy of reasons -- they are living in the house of Luke's aunt, and she doesn't want hot, nasty gay teenage sex under her roof. Umm...don't they realize Emma is away? Jack and Janet did! And to overshare for a moment from my relevant experience -- during my college years my boyfriend and I let NOTHING stand in the way of having sex. We pushed dorm beds together. Oblivious straight dormmates of ours would knock on our door and we would lie there, giggling, pretending not to be there while we were really in bed together! It is just not realistic that Luke and Noah could be a couple for 3/4 of a year and not have had sex already!!!! Van Hansis has been very good at showing desire for Noah even with no dialogue. Let's see that desire fulfilled!

Rant over.

I only managed to put up with THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL for its first segment today, as Friday's promising cliffhanger was dully resolved. Nope, Katie's not stopping the wedding. She's just not reading the written vows and is improvising instead. Ah well at least Brandon Beemer is interacting with Felicia. I am feeling the chemistry!

I am finding it hard to fully concentrate on DAYS OF OUR LIVES lately. I liked the food fight between Nicole, Sami and Chloe. I like the streaks in Chelsea's hair. Ummmm....maybe I just need some more John Black and some kind of story for Nick, who is too cute to be relegated to friend-on-the-sideline status. I also don't want Nicole's alcoholism to be cured. I like Nicole drunk and crazy and quipping. And I'm not feeling any Doctor Daniel/Chelsea love. He is too old for her -- remember, he has now been established as having slept with her GRANDMOTHER! Maybe he should sleep with Chelsea's paternal granma too, and give Caroline some action now that Victor's bedridden!

GENERAL HOSPITAL and GUIDING LIGHT both had good stuff in them today, but were also plagued by recurring problems. Yep, there was more zaccharahing in GH. You can tell something is wrong when I have Maxie and Spinelli and I still change the channel!

GUIDING LIGHT had some terrific scenes with Reva, Josh and Jeffrey. I loved how Reva told Jeffrey immediately about kissing Josh. They are such a strong couple, even though Jeffrey must know Reva will always consider Josh the love of her life. On the down side, there were awful scenes concerning Ava and Bill. That bit with the pizza where Remy knows what Ava orders and Bill doesn't so Remy is the one for her -- give me a break! Pepperoni is so much better than a veggie special! I ate 4 slices of pepperoni pizza today! Bill, I will be happy to eat pizza with you anytime.

Tonight I actually left the house to see a revival screening of XANADU, which sadly does not live up to its reputation as a camp classic. What was really fun were the trailers shown to accompany the film, organized thematically to fit the movie. In the trailer for the 2000 film CENTER STAGE I saw Elizabeth Hubbard! I elbowed the Semi-Employed Boyfriend and freaked out! I've since looked our Lucinda Walsh up on IMDB and am thrilled to see that she's had a bit of a film career. I've seen her in I NEVER SANG FOR MY FATHER but I can't remember her in ORDINARY PEOPLE. She's also been in an episode of LAW & ORDER that I'm dying to see! Elizabeth Hubbard film festival, anyone?

THE PEAPACK REDEMPTION

From out of the depths of my DVR came Beth Ehlers' final episode of GUIDING LIGHT, wherein Harley makes her escape from the prison of Cameraphoned (TM) Springfield once and for all. We only watched the first segment before going to see WALL-E, but we were struck by two things.
1) G is incredibly annoying. He walks around like he's a huge piece of hotness when he is really a detestable little turd.
2) Cassie is an awful human being. Really, Cassie, what is the point of adding to Harley's troubles just so you can score against Cyrus? I wish Cassie would kill G and then get the electric chair, so GL could be rid of two characters who I defy anyone in the audience to care about.

I caught a little bit of MVP on Soapnet today as well. Devoid of context, it looks like a cheap-ass syndicated show that would air on MyNetwork TV. Placed in the context of oddly positive US press (SOAP OPERA DIGEST and THE NEW YORKER ((!!!)) both raved about it!) and ratings failure in MVP's home country of Canada (cancelled after ten episodes!), MVP is nothing but a curiousity, a third rate FOOTBALLERS WIVES that the American press is being inexplicably kind to. It doesn't really matter what I or anyone else thinks of MVP; it has already been terminated and arrives on Soapnet's shores dead in the water.

I also caught a little bit of THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS' Wednesday episode on Soapnet. I think Michael Graziadel was wearing red silk boxers before he made love to Amber. OH my. On a less salacious note, I am finding Elizabeth Hendrickson's Chloe to be just the thing to shake up Y&R's snoozy couples. Loved the scene where she explained that she can't take a booty call because she's preggers with Cane's baby -- it speaks volumes about Chloe's lifestyle and how it's now going to have to change. I was pleased as punch to see in last week's SOD that Elizabeth has "...recently inked a multiyear contract." She's too much fun to just be a recurring character.