DEMONS, MOBSTERS AND HOT CRIMINALS SLEEPING WITH THEIR STEPDAUGHTERS

Watching 90210 this morning I found myself distracted by Emma Caulfield, later to join the cast of BUFFY as the demon Anya.  Her presence makes me think that at any moment the cast will be swallowed by a Hellmouth.  Now wouldn't that enliven the current 90210 reboot to no end?

I saw the end of GENERAL HOSPITAL and was pleased to see Robert Scorpio alive and well and reunited with his family.  The last 2 episodes of NIGHT SHIFT are residing in the bowels of my DVR so the last I saw Robert things were looking pretty bleak.  Another pleasing aspect of GH today was the killing of Sasha because that means we are hopefully seeing the end of the tiresome Russian Mob storyline.

We are still waaaaaay behind in our AS THE WORLD TURNS viewing.  We watched 2 episodes tonight and have got 4 more to watch this weekend!  Finally saw Jack and Janet's wedding and there was much blubbing in the house.  I was particularly impressed with the way Julie Pinson handled the scene where Janet calmly and directly tells Carly to step off, bitch.  In other areas of viewing pleasure, Julie Pinson's former PORT CHARLES squeeze, Jon Lindstrom (pictured) is a wonderfully snarky, sexy Craig.  No one can replace Scott Bryce but Jon is a more than adequate substitute.  Dare I hope the same for the upcoming triple threat of recasts of Maddie, Jade and Lucy?

FROM THE BOARDROOM TO THE BORED ROOM

I really enjoyed the scenes on THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS today where Nikki and Phyllis bitched at each other, and the subsequent scenes of Nikki snarking at Adam. I am afraid that I will be tuning out tomorrow, though, since who cares if Ana isn't going to school?

Crazy Pam was given full reign on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL. I love Alley Mills! She manages to go over the top without losing the core of her character. I am concerned that by pushing her so far over the edge Pam will become unredeemable and will disappear from our screens. Let's hope she's another one of those soap characters who is bad because of a brain tumour that can be easily cured!

I'm a bit bored with ALL MY CHILDREN. I am looking forward to the tornado that will bring back Bianca and David and will lead to Tamara Braun joining the show. I'm just tired of Kendall, Ryan, Greenlee, Annie and Zach (though I have fond feelings for Thorsten Kaye from his PORT CHARLES days.) I actively dislike Petey and Colby. Their performances are waaay too undergrad stagy -- both need to tone it down! However, when I see Taylor and Jake my interest perks up, and the show is also getting good mileage out of Carmen and Amanda. Randi is creepy, though. The Boyfriend pointed out that she seems to be wearing colored contacts, which have the unfortunate effect of making the actress unexpressive and possesive of cold, dead eyes. If they were smart, the writers would work in a reference as to how Randi's days as a whore have killed her soul!

ONE LIFE TO LIVE was fortunately spellbinding. Love, love, love Ilene Kristen letting it all hang out emotionally and otherwise -- look at that mascara run for its life! What a jolt after seeing Ilene 30 years ago as Delia in RYAN'S HOPE! Plus, the return of Adriana was dramatically pleasing. It offers her a chance at redemption and Melissa Fumero has really nailed the part.

GENERAL HOSPITAL was sorta good, sorta bad. All the stuff with Big Pussy was contrived and unfunny, even though GH's roster of character actors (Diane, Max, new arrival Vincent Pastore) were on top form. Really liked the scene where Epiphany put Robin and Patrick in their places, though. How unprofessional of them to take their relationship shit out on their staff!

GUIDING LIGHT was torture today. WAAAAAAAAAY too much Grady/Kane Manera for my liking. He is just too limited a performer (and the character of Grady just too repugnant) to carry so much story. Two scenes that stand out for suckiness today were the scenes where Grady tells Dinah he was hitting on her mom and where he brings Lizzie flowers. His facial expressions were woeful; incapable of conveying anything. He also has a real lack of comic timing. I also hated all the scenes of Mallett giving Marina the house. I like domestic soaps as much as anyone, but that storyline was too banal. What next -- Grady and Daisy go to the supermarket together to pick up snacks for the Peapack Craft Services table?

COCKBLOCKING IS BETTER THAN CROTCH SCRATCHING

Thursday's episode of AS THE WORLD TURNS was surprisingly credible, even though my brain will not stop saying WHY ARE NUKE NOT HAVING SEX??!! I think it helped things to have Luke and Noah actually talk about it instead of dodging the issue. Van and Jake worked hard to sell it. Hopefully when they DO have sex it'll be romantic and special, and not the trauma-induced grief sex Noah fears it will be.

On NIGHT SHIFT our new gay character Dr Kyle Julian was introduced explaining to instant BFF Dr. Claire that he hasn't scratched his crotch once all day! And she couldn't figure out from that he's gay?!? I admit that I am so hungry for gay representation on soaps that I will watch NIGHT SHIFT every week, even though Dr Kyle looks like he's going to be celibate -- see SOAP OPERA DIGEST 8/5/08 p.62 "...dealing with his nonexistent love life..." Man, I thought the sexless gay best friend was out of fashion, with the recentish end of WILL AND GRACE being the final nail in that particular coffin. Oh, and NS without Stone Cold, Spinelli and Maxie is not enough to keep the Semi-Employed Boyfriend rooted to the couch. I think he lasted 25 minutes and came back on my insistence to see Dr Kyle come out. Lesson to be learned here? Don't downplay the regulars in favor of newbies unless the newbies are damn interesting.

I much prefer GENERAL HOSPITAL's previous spin-off, PORT CHARLES. In fact watching an episode today featuring Kent Masters King as sexy werewolf Imani, I was reminded how one of the pleasures of the first season of NS was seeing a greater role for King's GH character, Lainey. The stuff with her dying dad and her unusual realtionship with psycho vet Cody really gave Kent strong material that she has never got on GH. Wouldn't NS be more fun if it took minor GH characters and fleshed them out? Doesn't every GH viewer want to see more Diane, Max or Milo? NS could also have taken GH characters like Monica and Bobbie who don't have storyline on GH and given them something to do at night -- they could do anything since they have no daytime continuity to conflict with! Instead of bringing back Robert and Jagger, why not work with what you already have?

I AM PORT CHARLES

Like the late, lamented GENERAL HOSPITAL spin-off, I too am only on once a week. No, not on Soapnet, but at the flower shop where I am now working one shift a week! That's OK with me, though, because I prefer to get my daily dose of drama from TV soaps and not from my workplace. Stay tuned as I send out resumes and catch up on my soap viewing...

HAS SOAP OPERA WEEKLY BEEN READING THIS BLOG?

I noticed in SOAP OPERA WEEKLY's current issue, under "Crazy Rumors Of The Week", it says that Marcus and Owen will be THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL's first gay characters. This is something I wrote about in my post on June 5, VOYAGE OF THE DAMNED. Maybe my other theories will hit the press as well and we'll get some behind-the-scenes shots of Ellen Wheeler holding a Cameraphone (TM) as she terrorizes the cast of GUIDING LIGHT!

I'm still enjoying the PORT CHARLES reruns on Soapnet, but damn -- 2 episodes a week of what was a daily soap are a slow trickle, indeed. ( A similar situation affects those watching EASTENDERS on American PBS, which shows 2 episodes a week of a 4 times a week show. Naturally, PBS can never catch up to current episodes, resulting in 5 year old EASTENDERS storylines slooooowly being played out.) Come on, Soapnet, run at least 5 episodes of PORT CHARLES a week and publicize it a little with commercials focusing on stars Thorsten Kaye and Michael Easton, who are the current leading men of ALL MY CHILDREN and ONE LIFE TO LIVE. It would be a shame to let this unique supernatural soap opera just fade away.

Trying to stay on top of AS THE WORLD TURNS, but only managed to choke down Thursday's DVRed episode tonight. The scenes at summer camp were TORTURE. Why is Sage singing "Good Morning Baltimore" from HAIRSPRAY when the zaftig Faith would be a more suitable choice? What was that song Faith and Natalie sang to each other and am I the only one who finds pubescent sisters singing a love song to each other gross? Why is the Jack and Carly pairing dead in the water? AAAAAARGHHHH
The episode was partly redeemed by an excellent scene where Janet and Jack talked to each other honestly like grown adults, but when I saw the coming attractions for Friday AGAIN highlighting only Holden/Carly and Brad/Janet/Jack/Liberty/Parker, I felt like deleting that show from my DVR. Where is Lucinda to sort everyone out? Why isn't Luke having heart-to-hearts with his parents or aunt at this awful time in his life? I stand by my suspicion that nobody in the ATWT writers' room is talking to anyone else.

THE GH SPINOFF THAT WASN'T NIGHT SHIFT

I watched two episodes of PORT CHARLES tonight that I DVRed off of SoapNet. I revisit this show from time to time, out of nostalgia for the astonishing TAINTED LOVE arc. It might have been the best daytime drama I'd EVER seen -- vampire Caleb (brilliantly played by the sexy Michael Easton) ran amok in Port Charles, causing more havoc than Barnabas Collins did in four years of DARK SHADOWS. Unfortunately, PC's telenovela style arcs meant that Caleb was gone in 13 weeks, and I stopped watching. The supernatural (and Caleb!) later returned to the show with a vengeance, but I could never get back into it for some reason. I love watching the SoapNet reruns for a hint of how nuts the show became -- werewolves, vampires, angels and a load of familiar faces who would go onto other soaps but never anything as adventurous as this. Unlike PASSIONS, PC played the supernatural seriously, like Anne Rice characters in a Stephen King setting, but that wasn't enough to save the show from ultimately being cancelled (ending on a wild cliffhanger!) Despite being a GENERAL HOSPITAL spinoff, no characters from PC ever made their way back to their origin show except Scotty Baldwin, who I think never interacted with any of the horror elements anyway. I think NIGHT SHIFT could take a page or two from its' wilder predecessor -- after all, what better place for a vampire than a night shift at a blood -filled hospital? ( And fans of the surprisingly defunct MOONLIGHT need a new place for romantic vampire shenanigans! Come on SoapNet! Grow a brain and grab that demographic!)