LEMON COUPLE?

In the current issue of SOAP OPERA DIGEST Carolyn Hinsey refers to the "lemon couples" of ALL MY CHILDREN: Brot/Natalia, JR/Marissa, Erica /Ryan and...Adam/Annie. REALLY? I dig Adam and Annie a lot -- a crazy old bastard paired with a young psycho, both played by great actors, makes for riveting viewing. If this pairing is a lemon, then it must be lemonade! (I can't believe I just wrote that.)

While I'm on the subject of SOD columnists, I read with interest Mala Bhattacharjee's blog where she expressed dismay at a South Asian actor appearing on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL ...as a cab driver. Being half South Asian myself, I agree that there are much better roles for South Asian actors in soaps and TV, in general. For example, many South Asians work in the medical profession and that needs more representation now that ER is over. Also, 97% of South Asian women are beautiful and would seem a natural choice for soaps. I mostly appreciate color blind casting, where a person's ethnicity has nothing to do with the role, like Rekha Sharma in BATTLESTAR GALACTICA and V. More along those lines, please!

DAYS OF OUR LIVES continued to astonish. The confrontation in jail between Mia and Nicole was great because Mia said EVERYTHING you wanted to say to Nicole, and did NOT let up. "You're a MONSTER!" she wailed. I know the actress who plays Mia is like, 3 or something, but she rocked!

I also watched ONE LIFE TO LIVE, which showed off the chemistry between McBain and Natalie to good effect, and GENERAL HOSPITAL, where James Franco made his first appearance to the tune of MAD WORLD while wearing a hoodie. Very DONNIE DARKO.

GOODBYE TO PHIL?

It looks like Thom Bierdz is on his way out of THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS, if today's episode was any indication. I think that would be a real shame, as a romance between Philip and Rafe seems a no-brainer to me.

I am enjoying seeing Sarah Brown on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL. Am I the only one who remembers how good she was on AS THE WORLD TURNS as Julia, an ordinary woman who nonetheless managed to bed both Jack and Holden and had the whole town gunning for her as a result? While on the subject of Julia, are ATWT viewers ever going to see Julia's son JJ again or is he stuck in the limbo of soap boarding school?

ALL MY CHILDREN continues to annoy and delight in equal doses. I like the Annie/Adam dynamic very much -- the rest, meh, especially Erica/Ryan, who I don't think anyone wants to see together! The Retired Mom called me up all frantic with worry that AMC's upcoming move to Los Angeles meant all her favorites leaving the cast. I hastened to reassure her that she's only losing Thorsten Kaye, but she wasn't having any of it. "What about Kendall?" "She's staying." "But she had a baby!" "She's on maternity leave." "Well, what about Tad? And Cameron?"and so on. I'm actually only checking out AMC lately since I read in SOAP OPERA DIGEST that Nancy Opel has joined the cast as the Chandler cook. This year I saw Nancy in her triple role onstage in THE TOXIC AVENGER and I can not wait to see her inject some levity into this show!

DAYS OF OUR LIVES was amazing. I was utterly gripped by the whole Nicole baby mess and entertained by the lighter storyline involving Carly and Vivian.

I also watched ONE LIFE TO LIVE -- Brian Kerwin was excellent today, but I didn't like how Natalie was going on about Jared keeping mints on his person at all times and how she loved it because that was BULLSHIT. When the frak did Natalie and Jared ever have these conversations? The writers shouldn't make up personal details for characters that weren't established onscreen beforehand.

GENERAL HOSPITAL was intriguing, but I had to cut my viewing short to go to work on my day off for a health benefits meeting. Hooray for job benefits, but universal health care for all can not come soon enough.

DEACON DEBACLE

I caught just a smidge of THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS today, just enough to see that The Return Of Deacon To Another Show just isn't working for me. Maybe because all I remember of Deacon from THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL was that he shagged Bridget on speakerphone so her parents could hear? Yuck!

GUIDING LIGHT CANCELLED

It gives me no pleasure to blog about this.  What are the cast and crew going to do?  I don't wish unemployment on anyone, let alone this bunch.  GL should never, ever have gone to all digital video and 80% location shooting.  It makes for a terrible looking show, one which if you happen across  you flip channels away from.

Watching other soaps today was an odd experience, as I wondered what are the chances of other soaps staying on air.  THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS looks like a class act and is the only show shot in High Definition.  It has been top of the ratings for decades, so I think it's safe.  THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL is an international hit and its half hour status makes it automatically cheaper to produce, so that one's a keeper as well.

If you look at the ratings for ONE LIFE TO LIVE, it is actually the show that has lost the least amount of viewers in a decade.  (I swear, I saw it in TV GUIDE when they had an article about Deidre Hall and Drake Hogestyn being fired from DAYS OF OUR LIVES and the resultant death of daytime panic.)  They also know how to spend money wisely -- see the exciting, frequently updated credits that make you WANT to watch the show.  Recently, they pulled off an entire ball on a shoestring.  Plus, their storytelling is superb.  There is always the impression that something is happening in Llanview that is different and unmissable.  By giving each episode an individual title, you are encouraged to think of OLTL as a proper show that you sit down and watch, instead of having on as background.

Unfortunately, I think DOOL will be the next soap on the chopping block.  The show is lacking in energy and buzz and the high profile firings/leavings of popular, mostly long running cast members will not help keep this program on air.

AS THE WORLD TURNS is a difficult case.  While the groundbreaking, chemistry filled Nuke storyline has actually brought new viewers to soaps, the storytelling on ATWT is tired.  Here is my own personal example of the effect ATWT's scripting has had.  I love ATWT enough that I will fly out to New York for the fan club luncheon to meet the wonderful cast.  However, the writing on the show is so lacklustre that I can not keep up with watching ATWT, week in, week out.  I have episodes backed up on my DVR from February.  It is not must see TV for me any longer.  ATWT has to BECOME must see TV or else it will cease to exist.

R.I.P. EILEEN HERLIE

Just watched the 12/20/2008 episode of ALL MY CHILDREN that was a special tribute to Eileen Herlie, who played Myrtle.  Wonderfully touching and sad.  I defy anyone to watch the clips of Myrtle accepting Bianca after she came out without welling up with tears.

Also rearing up from the depths of my DVR was the final episode of DAYS OF OUR LIVES to feature Deidre Hall and Drake Hogestyn as Marlena and John.  It was well acted, but a bit rushed.  Did they have to make John Black almost completely immobile in order to get rid of him?  Such an odd end to a legendary character.

To concentrate on today's soap episodes, I am really absorbed by GENERAL HOSPITAL's tale of post-partum depression.  Every wrong move Robin makes startles me, and Patrick's reactions feel authentic.  It's a pity such an honest story stands the risk of being drowned in more mob intrigue and the shenanigans of the unlikable and uncharismatic Ethan.  On another plus side, the scenes between Nicolas, Rebecca, Lucky and Elizabeth were meaty, allowing us to play with the possibility of a Lucky/Rebecca coupling.  Hmmmmm...it could work.

I'm very happy to hear that Don Diamont is joining the cast of THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL to hopefully cut through this near-incestuous knot the show has webbed itself into.  (Quick!  Someone stop that metaphor!)  Of course Thomas tried to kill Rick!  As Thomas himself pointed out, Rick killed his (Thomas') sister and slept with his other sister and mother!!  This show needs a new character who is NOT related to anyone on the canvas!

I also watched episode 5 of DARK SHADOWS.  The mystery of Victoria Winter's parentage is brought up, but a greater mystery is why wasn't this ever resolved?  It's the frakkin' premise of the ENTIRE SHOW!!  Surely the writers in later years could have come up with a way to tie the reveal of Victoria's true family history into the supernatural?  In later years of DS, sometimes the show is just one event after another, with no indication of how the characters are affected emotionally.  Characters cease to have personal goals as they traipse through timelines until all sense of the personalities of the present day characters is lost.  I bet if DS had stayed in contemporary Collinwood, it would still be on the air today.  Character always wins out over plot in the world of daytime drama.

VIVA ALLEY MILLS!

How great was Alley Mills on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL today?  It's tricky to get all dramatic when you're playing a comedic character but Alley pulled it off.  I felt so sorry for Pam!  Plus, Stephanie becomes 100% more likable when defending her sister.

THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS was also very good.  I enjoyed seeing Ely Pouget as Kay's doctor.  She was one of the stars of the short-lived '90s revival of DARK SHADOWS and also appeared in LA TAKEDOWN, Michael Mann's TV movie trial run for HEAT.  Hooray for surviving the '90s!

ALL MY CHILDREN was not so hot.  Despite interesting new characters like Taylor and Brot, Chuck Pratt's take on Pine Valley has amounted to a big heap of nothing.  I don't care about Zach and Kendall nor do I find it believable that Krystal would be so taken in by David.  Don't get me started on the travesty of Bianca and Reese and how daytime's first lesbian marriage was completely undone by having Reese kiss Zach the day before the wedding! 

ONE LIFE TO LIVE continues to thrive.  The way the plots intersect is ingenious and it's nice to see a show that makes room for fun supporting characters like Moe and Noelle while strengthening new characters like Ray and Stacy.  I am starting to see some serious chemistry between Dorian and Ray that I hope they run with!

DAYS OF OUR LIVES continues to be a bit meh.  Now that Sami is back in town and I've got a chance to see her interact with the 3 men in her life, I'm going to say Lucas is the man for her.  Alison Sweeney and Bryan Datillo are doing a very good job of interacting with the SORASed Will, who is certainly better looking than the old Will but hasn't quite convinced me yet that he is Sami and Lucas' offspring.

Speaking of unconvincing offspring, I have the ghastly feeling that Ethan on GENERAL HOSPITAL will be revealed as the son of Holly and/or Robert Scorpio in a blatant attempt to curry audience affection.  I'm not liking this "lovable scoundrel" one bit; he's not attractive or charming despite everyone on screen telling us he is!  He looks like a bad carbon copy of Tom Pelphrey.  In fact, could Ethan have been the role on GH that Tom Pelphrey was rumored to be up for, as hinted in SOAP OPERA DIGEST?  It would explain Ethan's look and bad boy behavior, which would seem tailor made for Tom -- who could actually have pulled this character off.

LOVED Olivia and Natalia on GUIDING LIGHT today!  Their scenes are so full of believable awkwardness and tension.  Curious to see how much Doris' newly exposed lesbianism will impact the rest of the show -- how about some emotional scenes with her daughter Ashlee, played by the fabulous but underused Caitlin Van Zandt?

Inspired by a new book by Jeff Thompson , THE TELEVISION HORRORS OF DAN CURTIS, I watched an episode of DARK SHADOWS for the first time in many, many months.  It was the second episode of the series and the biggest giggles came from Joan Bennett traipsing around her mansion at all hours of the night, in full evening gown and pearls.  She didn't so much project class as daftness, especially with the implication that she cooks everyone's meals and does the household chores in the same outfit!

STATING THE OBVIOUS

It is utterly absurd that 90210 once thought Tori Spelling was the ideal choice for a continuing story about drug addiction.  I defy anyone to watch Donna descend into prescription painkiller dependence without giggling.

Speaking of inappropriate laughter, we found ourselves chuckling at Katherine slipping on the ice in YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS.  Jeanne Cooper is a real trooper -- she's a gazillion years old and is still as game for anything as when she starred in Roger Corman cheapies in the '50s and '60s.  I am loving whoever it was that decided to show the 1989 episode of Y&R on Christmas Day.  It was nostalgic and campy, yet also narratively compelling.  Plus, there was a funny meta-joke that had Marge sitting down to watch THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL!  Please, SoapNet, how about a few vintage Y&R episodes to replace the Sunday Night Movie?  (I do not dare to suggest SoapNet air something in place of 90210 reruns.  The very thought of that causes heads to explode around the SoapNet offices.)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I felt a little like saying "Bah humbug!" hearing Jana blather on about V8 on THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS and I still just can't find myself caring about Devon, Ana, or Ana's mom.  Yet the good gradually pushed out the bad on Y&R, with the Victor flashbacks and Kay regaining her memory being particularly jolting.

THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL was also very good, with Bradley Bell's holiday wishes at the end of the show seeming rightfully earned.  This is a producer who knows when his show is working and when it isn't.  Right now it is working very well.  The sentimentality of the holidays must be getting to me because I didn't even mind Granpa Jack Wagner proposing to his child bride!  Oh wait...

I saw a bit of today's ALL MY CHILDREN rerun.  Not really feeling the tornado drama, unfortunately, since another tornado episode is being rerun Christmas Day.  Still, nice that they brought back Bianca, and I really don't mind that they retconned the story so Zach is the father of her baby.

I saw some of DOOL, OLTL's rerun and the last half of GH's Christmas episode, but you know what?  It's Christmas and I've got some words of cheer.  Last year I was completely unemployed and at a real low.  This year my life has turned around.  I have a great job, a great boyfriend (who has a great new job) and an adorable cat.  I have fabulous friends all over the world!  I have a Ghetto Fabulous Mom who I have to thank for introducing me to soaps at a young age.  The nation as a whole is in state of optimism, and I like riding that wave for once.  I am so happy right now with my life, and I am glad that I've always had soaps for fun and escapism, through good times and bad.

So please,  have a Happy Holiday or at least go out and see a good movie.  And if you can't do that, check out the vintage Y&R episode on CBS and the GH Christmas episode mini-marathon on SoapNet!  I hope everyone's day is joyous and soapy.

OMFG BRIAN NO!!!

I hate to say it, but THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS storyline of Kay living Marge's life is just not going to work because Kay has amnesia. If you look at ONE LIFE TO LIVE approximately one year ago, Viki was living a new life as a waitress by choice and it was terrific seeing her life (and the show) expand because of the choices she made. Kay is not living Marge's life by choice but by circumstance. What we now have on Y&R is a situation with no characterization.

On THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL, we are now getting an unexpected, but welcome, bit of characterization with Bad Rick. I'm enjoying Bad Rick a great deal. You have to admire anyone who thinks they can seduce women while hobbling around on a cane. Otherwhere in the episode, Ridge eating sushi off of Brooke's body was more funny than sexy. It looked delicious but my brain kept on screaming "You need soy sauce and wasabi, people!" Would it have been too messy for Brooke to dribble packets of soy sauce on her arms and put some lumps of green wasabi in her belly button? Probably.

Speaking of messes -- HOLY SHIT is DAYS OF OUR LIVES on a kamikaze mission or what? By now the news of Deidre Hall and Drake Hogestyn being let go overshadows everything, but I was still indignant at today's episode. Is this the last we see of Nick?!? I hope not. Blake Berris did a fantastic acting job as Psycho Stalker Nick, but the change in character is unbelievable and the attempt to make Nick's accidental killing of Willow now semi-intentional is just risible. I will give DOOL kudos for the scene where Chelsea and Steph laid into Melanie for causing Nick to go off the deep end, because that is exactly how the audience feels! I don't think it was smart to introduce a new character, pair her off with an established fan favorite and then have him turn Psycho Stalker on her. Doesn't exactly make you like the newbie...

ONE LIFE TO LIVE is very compelling lately. I love the highly theatrical presentation of Jessica's three personalities. The cage with mirror shards representing her mind is simple and effective, and the large screens showing the outside world are also well-used. Hooray for good set decoration!

GENERAL HOSPITAL generally has good sets, but it was so boring today that I actually spent most of my 2-3PM soap viewing switched over to praqctically set-less GUIDING LIGHT. (!!!!) Here is GH today: mob war, mob war, blah, blah, Zaccarah, blah, Bensonhurst, blah, Claudia, yadda yadda. I do like Olivia a lot, but how much newly invented backstory for Sonny can they cram into his life before he came to Port Charles?

GUIDING LIGHT was a highly schizophrenic viewing experience. On one hand you've got Reva with leaukemia and a pregnancy, and it is a daring, original story. I tell ya, Kim Zimmer and Elizabeth Hubbard will be battling it out with duelling hospital bed scenes come Emmy time next year! On the other hand, soooo much of the show is now revolving around G/Grady/Gillespie, it's ludicrous. Kane Manera is a very limited actor, and he can not hit all the beats expected of him -- charming one moment, scary the next, a bit of both sometime. Plus, pair him with a good actress like Caitlin Van Zandt and his defects are all too apparent. Really, when it became clear that Cassie was not going to be part of the show for much longer, they should have had her kill Grady as revenge for Tammy's death. Then she could have gone on the run and two annoying residents of Springfield would be off our screens.

AS THE WORLD TURNS continued its upward swing today. (Have I mentioned that the show's been so good that I am finally caught up? Woohoo!) Laurence Lau excelled today in his scenes with Elizabeth Hubbard and Van Hansis. He was so good I almost started to think that Luke imagined the drunken kiss as well! I think Brian really does love Lucinda, but he can't help being attracted to Luke (can you really blame him?) and is going to repress that attraction at all costs...until it erupts again. Mistletoe at the Snyder farm in the Kitchen Of Lust, perhaps?

BIANCA!

Today was the first full episode of ALL MY CHILDREN I've seen since Bink's return and I am just over the moon. I don't know how Eden Riegel does it, but she makes Bianca instantly likable, so likable that I could not switch over to THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL when 12:30 rolled around. It looks like things will get even better, with Tamara Braun joining the cast as Bianca's partner and the surprise return of David Hayward today! Thank you Head Writer Chuck Pratt!!!

I saw the first bit of ONE LIFE TO LIVE today and while it is overall very compelling, the sequences of Tina setting dynamite and then putting it out with a pillow because she realized she would blow herself up (!) plus Gigi disguised as a nurse in plain sight of Adriana reeked of PASSIONS. Please, Ron Carlivati, just because James E Reilly is dead, it doesn't mean that you have to fill his void. I think, generally, viewers prefer romance and drama to camp and silliness.

FROM THE BOARDROOM TO THE BORED ROOM

I really enjoyed the scenes on THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS today where Nikki and Phyllis bitched at each other, and the subsequent scenes of Nikki snarking at Adam. I am afraid that I will be tuning out tomorrow, though, since who cares if Ana isn't going to school?

Crazy Pam was given full reign on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL. I love Alley Mills! She manages to go over the top without losing the core of her character. I am concerned that by pushing her so far over the edge Pam will become unredeemable and will disappear from our screens. Let's hope she's another one of those soap characters who is bad because of a brain tumour that can be easily cured!

I'm a bit bored with ALL MY CHILDREN. I am looking forward to the tornado that will bring back Bianca and David and will lead to Tamara Braun joining the show. I'm just tired of Kendall, Ryan, Greenlee, Annie and Zach (though I have fond feelings for Thorsten Kaye from his PORT CHARLES days.) I actively dislike Petey and Colby. Their performances are waaay too undergrad stagy -- both need to tone it down! However, when I see Taylor and Jake my interest perks up, and the show is also getting good mileage out of Carmen and Amanda. Randi is creepy, though. The Boyfriend pointed out that she seems to be wearing colored contacts, which have the unfortunate effect of making the actress unexpressive and possesive of cold, dead eyes. If they were smart, the writers would work in a reference as to how Randi's days as a whore have killed her soul!

ONE LIFE TO LIVE was fortunately spellbinding. Love, love, love Ilene Kristen letting it all hang out emotionally and otherwise -- look at that mascara run for its life! What a jolt after seeing Ilene 30 years ago as Delia in RYAN'S HOPE! Plus, the return of Adriana was dramatically pleasing. It offers her a chance at redemption and Melissa Fumero has really nailed the part.

GENERAL HOSPITAL was sorta good, sorta bad. All the stuff with Big Pussy was contrived and unfunny, even though GH's roster of character actors (Diane, Max, new arrival Vincent Pastore) were on top form. Really liked the scene where Epiphany put Robin and Patrick in their places, though. How unprofessional of them to take their relationship shit out on their staff!

GUIDING LIGHT was torture today. WAAAAAAAAAY too much Grady/Kane Manera for my liking. He is just too limited a performer (and the character of Grady just too repugnant) to carry so much story. Two scenes that stand out for suckiness today were the scenes where Grady tells Dinah he was hitting on her mom and where he brings Lizzie flowers. His facial expressions were woeful; incapable of conveying anything. He also has a real lack of comic timing. I also hated all the scenes of Mallett giving Marina the house. I like domestic soaps as much as anyone, but that storyline was too banal. What next -- Grady and Daisy go to the supermarket together to pick up snacks for the Peapack Craft Services table?

PIMPS, NERDS AND PSYCHOS

ALL MY CHILDREN and THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL competed for my attention when I woke up, and B&B won because you just can not stop watching when Crazy Pam is on the loose. I am happy to see her terrorize and then have her behavior blamed on her medication ad infinitum, as long as we get to keep Alley Mills around!

AMC was not that interesting from what I saw. Kris Eivers' overacting as Randi's pimp irritated me, so I'm glad to read in SOAP OPERA DIGEST that Taylor is going to kill him! I am also irritated by NuPetey Cortland, a ripoff of Spinelli from GENERAL HOSPITAL (mannerisms, storyline) and Nick from DAYS OF OUR LIVES (he is actually very pretty for a nerd!) The Unemployed Boyfriend seemed somewhat taken with Petey, which I will interpret as a compliment to my geeky self.

AS THE WORLD TURNS continues to annoy with any storyline involving Parker and Liberty. I think it is time to ship them off to boarding school so the wonderful pairing of Jack and Janet can really have room to breathe. And I'm saying this even though I LIKE Mick Hazen and Meredith Hagner! It's just their plots that drain the life from the adult characters on the show. The return of James Stenbeck is shaping up to be great fun, though. Has he REALLY come back just to eat Paul's sandwiches and drink his wine?? The shot of him sneaking in to get the rest of his meal while Paul comforted Meg was very, very funny. More of that and less of Brad flying off the handle, please.

This is the first time I've been able to catch GH since Genie Francis returned and while it's great to see Laura again...is her entire story going to have her stuck in a room listening to Lulu whine? On a more positive note, how appropiate that Spinelli will daydream of Leyla kicking ass ala Emma Peel. If there's anything Spinelli and I have in common, it is the Diana Rigg AVENGERS megaset being in our DVD collections!

DOOL featured Blake Berris looking really, really cute in his white jacket. He is also looking very adorable wearing nothing but red Barack Obama underpants(!) in this week's SOD. I like Blake/Nick so much I am not even going to complain that DOOL is ripping off GOSSIP GIRL with Melanie and her potential romance with him, which is a bit reminiscent of GG's Serena and Dan. XOXO

THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS is REALLY good nowadays. It is so good that it is even gripping in the crappy Standard Def broadcasts of SoapNet, so strong is the writing and characterization. I like the pairing of Cane and Chloe a lot. I sense a growing attraction between them that could lead to a more complex pairing than Cane and Lily ever were. Don't Cane and Chloe have more in common than they realize? Both are working their way up from crappy working class backgrounds to the good life, any way they can get it. Let's remember that Cane was as shady as Chloe when first introduced. And whoever thought up the upcoming revelation that Chloe is Esther's daughter is a GENIUS!! I'm going to give Hogan Sheffer credit for that one until proven otherwise.

THE SORASED AND THE RESTLESS

I was amused to see a SORASed Noah Newman on THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS today and even more amused to see his two hot friends partying around his pool! There have been lots of jokes about Noah being gay floating around the internet and this will just add fuel to the fire!

THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL has managed to lift itself out of the depressing nature of the Eric in a coma (I know, I know, it's serioussssssssss...sorry, gratuitous Smiths reference there!) storyline by adding the soapy twist that he's been poisoned! The episode was very well directed. Love all those closeups of the Forresters demanding Donna be arrested -- very over the top and fun.

AS THE WORLD TURNS had some good stuff in it, but also some bad stuff. I liked Meg baking cookies with Emma to tell Paul she's pregnant, and Kathleen Widdowes was a joy in those scenes. I liked Faith baldly stating to Holden that he slept with Carly. I enjoyed the sight of baby Ethan because nothing affects that kid's giggly smile -- parents divorcing, mom recast, Jean Passanante. However, the bad Dani Andropolous stuff capsized the episode for me. I found Margo's dislike of her to be contrived and Dani's strategy to get back into the police station with Casey's help implausible. Dani seems like a horrid version of what someone on the writing staff thinks is a SEX AND THE CITY-esque fun single girl with a professional career, but she just comes off as a skank. Speaking of skanks, I did like that Emily knows the Mayor because he used to be one of her johns!

ONE LIFE TO LIVE sucked me in with that cute little DavidVickers. (Babies and dogs -- oh crap I'm getting broody! And I'm a guy!!!) Loads of potential in the possibilities they're setting up of Tina vs Todd and Tess. I trust head writer Ron Carlivati to run with it!

I wanted to watch all of GENERAL HOSPITAL today but the double whammy of Zaccharahing and Whiny Lulu drove me to the fast-forward button so I could just enjoy Spinelli and Maxie. The look on Spinelli's face when Maxie figured out that the stakeout was just so he could show Stone Cold that he could do a stakeout without passing out from dehydration was very funny.

My viewing for today finished up with a rewatch of the astonishing DOCTOR WHO episode MIDNIGHT. Mostly taking place on a single set, this story boasts an amazingly tight ensemble that makes you feel like you've just seen a brilliant piece of theatre. Part of this cast is the underrated Lindsay Coulson, who electrified EASTENDERS in the '90s as Carol Jackson, arguably the best acted female part in Albert Square of that period. She is soooo good in MIDNIGHT; Lindsay goes from chatty, congenial tourist to panicked freaking woman to deadly harridan in about 40 minutes, and her final line to the Doctor says volumes. A great performance that might be overlooked in the light of main guest star's Lesley Sharp's really, really scary, showstopping Sky Sylvestry.

VAGUELY SOAPY EMPLOYMENT!

I am thrilled to announce that tomorrow I begin full time employment with full benefits at a local art museum! Appropiately, it is the same museum that Victor and Sabrina went to in THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS in March, IIRC -- think "street lamp installation" if you have a hard time remembering!

Speaking of Y&R, I caught the last half of the show this morning and had "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" stuck in my head all day even though I hate Devon and am confused by his InstaFamily. Does it make any dramatic difference that Ana is Yolanda's daughter and not Tyra's? What concerns me more is the question of whether Jana still works at Sabrina's art museum. Am I now Jana?!?

I was pleased to Beth Ehlers in uniform on ALL MY CHILDREN today and happy at the potential of scenes between her, Jesse and Angie. As Beth is ushered in, I hope AMC continues to cut the dead weight that make me switch channels to THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL. Very glad to read in SOAP OPERA DIGEST that Cassandra and Samuel are gone, baby, gone!

I would love to write all night about today's viewing but I watched loads o'soap today and have got to get to bed soon! So here's a quick rundown:

I like Marcus and Steffy on B&B a lot, so you see? New characters or recasts can be good! Just usually not on AMC! ONE LIFE TO LIVE amuses me with their DONNIE DARKO-esque time travel storyline, while any scene between Ilene Kristen and Brian Kerwin is just pure gold. DAYS OF OUR LIVES had Stefano terrorizing everybody, and it made for some good viewing. Scream Anna DiMera scream! GENERAL HOSPITAL had some good Maxie/Spinelli scenes, but too much Zaccharing and Lulu whining led me back to Springfield, which had some really good Reva/Alan/Lizzie material. Caught up with the last two episodes of GOSSIP GIRL reruns, which were the best I've seen yet -- Jake Silbermann had a nice walk-on and Eric was memorably outed by uber-bitch Georgina. Also caught up with Tuesday's and Wednesday's AS THE WORLD TURNS. Tuesday's was a small masterpiece. I think other shows should look at that episode to see domestic soap at its best. Wednesday's was unintentionally hilarious becasue The Unemployed Boyfriend and I feel so sorry for Neal because Carly keeps giving him the runaround, but we think the actor is AWFUL. This leads to us screeching 'CAAAAAARRLLLLYYYY' at each other for about an hour. Sorry, Michael E. Rodgers, we know you're trying your best as Neal!

You know you love me.
xoxo

CARLY MUST DIE

As much as I enjoyed my mini-marathon of the latest two episodes of AS THE WORLD TURNS today, I have to admit that Carly needs to be bitch-slapped into oblivion. The writers are doing a good job of keeping Luke involved in the action; I would really like to see a scene where he tears Carly apart for ruining his parents' marriage. Even if he only tears her apart verbally! Van Hansis does bitchy anger very well -- let's see some of that directed against the contemptible Carly!

I woke up this morning to find out that THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS has apparently gotten good again while I wasn't looking. I detect the firm hand of Hogan Sheffer in this. Chloe is being revved up to engage in the kind of gleeful bad girl behavior that is a Hogan Sheffer trademark. Sheffer really saw the potential of Chelsea in DAYS OF OUR LIVES during his tenure there and I still remember how he thrust Katie into ATWT's spotlight way back in 2000. Every soap needs a good bad girl!

If Y&R is improving, THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL is starting to take a nose dive. Today's episode was dreary. Eric's in a coma and his family have to decide whether to pull the plug. Katie is somehow pregnant with Nick's kid even though we never saw them do it. Where's the fun? Where are the campy women and the hot guys? B&B has always been the most glam of the soaps. They should play to that strength instead of trying to get some Serious Drama going. Leave that to domestic soaps like ATWT and DOOL, which excel at family dynamics. The Forrester, Logan and Marone families' dynamics are so twistedly near incestual, any attempt to base a story in B&B around family integrity is ludicrous.

Speaking of ludicrous, I am glad to see that ONE LIFE TO LIVE has gotten Andrea Evans out of Mendorra. Seeing her involved in fake country shenanigans, I started to see Andrea slip into PASSIONS mode, which involves a lot of fake, crummy acting. PASSIONS ended today, BTW. RIP PASSIONS. I liked that show enough at one point to name The Adorable Cat after its most inspired character, Timmy!

DOOL was also inspired today. I LOVED the vintage clips of Bo and Hope getting married!!! I think Kristian Alfonso has improved with age, like a fine wine. Peter Reckell always looks the same to me; only the length and landscape of his hair changes. And even though Belle and Shawn are not currently a part of the show, kudos to DOOL's writers for having a letter from them read during the wedding ceremony.

I saw some of ALL MY CHILDREN as well, but it was soooo bad I have trouble remembering it. I vaguely remember Randi and Frankie annoying me, and Annie annoying me. The show has hit an absolute nadir of late, as if to show us how rubbish it can be before Chuck Pratt (hopefully) works New Head Writer Magic on it. I don't wish unemployment on anyone (it really, really sucks) but I don't see how AMC can be fixed unless MAJOR axing occurs. Randi, Petey, Frankie, Dre, Annie, NuColby, Samuel, Babe -- these characters have all reached dead ends. Maybe Janet From Another Planet can go on a killing spree and do Pine Valley a favor? Then with the cast payroll that's been freed up, they can bring Cady McClain back as Dixie!

THE HAPPY BLOG!

I was pleased as punch to see Brandon Beemer on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL interacting with Felicia, but today I was over the moon to see him rub up next to crazy Pam! Pam is just fabulous -- she's like one of the old ladies from GREY GARDENS has escaped and somehow wound up working for Forrester. I will happily eat your lemon bars, Pam!

Another enjoyably crazy old lady on soaps is Addie on ONE LIFE TO LIVE. I know it can't last because Tuc Watkins is leaving (again) but I dig Addie and David together. They have no illusions about each other and Addie is sweetly implacable in the face of Dorian's wrath. David's quoting of LIAISIONS DANGEREUSES and MEDEA at Dorian were very funny and quite apropos. I will happily trade literary barbs with you, David!

DAYS OF OUR LIVES smoked up my living room with John and Ava's lovemaking. Good lord, why on earth is Tamara Braun leaving this show when they are obviously going out of their way to keep her interested with quality material? Her and Drake Hogestyn are smoking! Drake continues to make me love "bad" John Black: "Let's have caviar and champagne! We can clean up the blood later!" was delivered with a wicked, infectious grin. It was also hot that after sex, Ava was wearing John's bathrobe! I too will happily trade black silk bathrobes with you, John Black!
As for the rest of the show....Chelsea's hair continues to look fierce. I hope Chelsea finds out about her Granma (!) and Dr. Daniel soon because it's fun to see her go off on a tear. I will happily go to the hair stylist with you, Chelsea!

GUIDING LIGHT still looks and sounds like it is shot on Ellen Wheeler's Cameraphone (TM) but the storytelling is revving up and there are some really good performances. Daniel Cosgrove is doing a great job of underplaying his melodramatic storyline and we're seeing more and more of Reva and some of the other veterans (like that great scene today between Vanessa and Mel.) As long as Port Charles is overrun with Zaccharahs, I will happily be taking the PATH train to Peapack!

COCKBLOCKER BLUES

AS THE WORLD TURNS was unbelievable today in regard to Luke and Noah's sex life (or lack thereof.) I can't believe these two would be willing to wait to have sex for the most flimsy of reasons -- they are living in the house of Luke's aunt, and she doesn't want hot, nasty gay teenage sex under her roof. Umm...don't they realize Emma is away? Jack and Janet did! And to overshare for a moment from my relevant experience -- during my college years my boyfriend and I let NOTHING stand in the way of having sex. We pushed dorm beds together. Oblivious straight dormmates of ours would knock on our door and we would lie there, giggling, pretending not to be there while we were really in bed together! It is just not realistic that Luke and Noah could be a couple for 3/4 of a year and not have had sex already!!!! Van Hansis has been very good at showing desire for Noah even with no dialogue. Let's see that desire fulfilled!

Rant over.

I only managed to put up with THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL for its first segment today, as Friday's promising cliffhanger was dully resolved. Nope, Katie's not stopping the wedding. She's just not reading the written vows and is improvising instead. Ah well at least Brandon Beemer is interacting with Felicia. I am feeling the chemistry!

I am finding it hard to fully concentrate on DAYS OF OUR LIVES lately. I liked the food fight between Nicole, Sami and Chloe. I like the streaks in Chelsea's hair. Ummmm....maybe I just need some more John Black and some kind of story for Nick, who is too cute to be relegated to friend-on-the-sideline status. I also don't want Nicole's alcoholism to be cured. I like Nicole drunk and crazy and quipping. And I'm not feeling any Doctor Daniel/Chelsea love. He is too old for her -- remember, he has now been established as having slept with her GRANDMOTHER! Maybe he should sleep with Chelsea's paternal granma too, and give Caroline some action now that Victor's bedridden!

GENERAL HOSPITAL and GUIDING LIGHT both had good stuff in them today, but were also plagued by recurring problems. Yep, there was more zaccharahing in GH. You can tell something is wrong when I have Maxie and Spinelli and I still change the channel!

GUIDING LIGHT had some terrific scenes with Reva, Josh and Jeffrey. I loved how Reva told Jeffrey immediately about kissing Josh. They are such a strong couple, even though Jeffrey must know Reva will always consider Josh the love of her life. On the down side, there were awful scenes concerning Ava and Bill. That bit with the pizza where Remy knows what Ava orders and Bill doesn't so Remy is the one for her -- give me a break! Pepperoni is so much better than a veggie special! I ate 4 slices of pepperoni pizza today! Bill, I will be happy to eat pizza with you anytime.

Tonight I actually left the house to see a revival screening of XANADU, which sadly does not live up to its reputation as a camp classic. What was really fun were the trailers shown to accompany the film, organized thematically to fit the movie. In the trailer for the 2000 film CENTER STAGE I saw Elizabeth Hubbard! I elbowed the Semi-Employed Boyfriend and freaked out! I've since looked our Lucinda Walsh up on IMDB and am thrilled to see that she's had a bit of a film career. I've seen her in I NEVER SANG FOR MY FATHER but I can't remember her in ORDINARY PEOPLE. She's also been in an episode of LAW & ORDER that I'm dying to see! Elizabeth Hubbard film festival, anyone?

"That's soooooo our song now."

I tell ya, if AS THE WORLD TURNS had ended the final Nuke scene today with a reprise of "True Colors" there wouldn't have been a dry eye in the house. Instead, there was a huge sigh of relief that Noah did not join the army. The last three episodes of ATWT have been spectacular for Nuke fans. Thursday's Cyndi Lauper-fest was fantastic. Kudos to Van Hansis for his acting all around but especially for his emoting while Cyndi sang. I'm going to chalk that up to Van's theatre experience, where he has to be seen in character even when he has no dialogue because he's on stage. Plus we got two (!) Nuke kisses! Friday's scenes of Holden and Luke just talking were unexpected and welcome. I have also enjoyed Jack getting his freak on with Janet, who is so much more fun than Carly. And I am surprised how much I've been rooting for Paul and Meg -- I really want them to be happy! ATWT isn't perfect -- Carly/Holden continued to be a dud and what was up with that poorly realized Hugh Grant wannabe today? -- but there is so much going on that is good I easily overlook the bad. Plus, this show knows how to use the long-term cast members. Barbara, Lisa, the Hughes and the Stewarts have all been getting juicy scenes. Now if Jean Passanante and Chris Goutman can give Elizabeth Hubbard something to do I'd be over the moon!

I wish I could be as positive about ATWT's lead-in, THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL. Katie and Bridget both being in love with Nick fails to convince. Even worse, I read in this week's SOAP OPERA DIGEST that B&B is being "revamped...in the name of appealing to a younger audience..." which I guess accounts for the plethora of establishing location shots today. Hey, Bell family -- you want to appeal to a younger audience? Stop the Nick/Bridget/Katie story NOW and concentrate on the fun characters -- Stephanie, Pam, Felicia! How about pairing all three of these mature ladies with Owen, who looks like he'd be all too happy to fleece a bunch of rich Forrester women? If you're going to introduce new, younger characters, pair them with veterans to keep the show recognizable, instead of pushing all your newbies to the forefront of the show.

Which is what I fear ALL MY CHILDREN is doing. I'm still seeing drunk NuColby, Dre and Cassandra. What I'm not seeing is any reason to care for them. (Though I care slightly for Cassandra, since I don't want her parents, Jesse and Angie, to be worried about her. Remember, when Darnell Williams cries, the world cries with him.) I am concerned about another upcoming newbie, a recast and maybe SORASed Petey Cortlandt. SOD mentions that Colby will not be glad to see him. Ummmm....why? WARNING: artificial backstory alert! If this turns out to be the summer of NuColby, Dre, Frankie, Cassandra, NuPetey and Randi I might just stick to CBS the hour of 12PM - 1PM.

This summer, I don't think I'll be switching off ONE LIFE TO LIVE. The show continues to be insanely exciting. Nora denouncing Lindsay had an unexpected payoff. Lindsay seemed sympathetic, while Nora became an unlikable, vengeful harpy in the eyes of her boyfriend, ex-husband and son. What an intriguing way to wrap up this story. I am also loving the twists and turns with Starr's baby, even though The Unemployed Boyfriend found it unconvincing that Cole would go to Todd, The Face Of Evil, for help. I think it's perfectly in character for Cole, who I think of as a total dipshit for not wearing a condom in the first place!!!

I still check into DAYS OF OUR LIVES as well. James Scott can have sex with me in the elevators of my broken down apartment building anytime, and not just because he looks good with his shirt off. Unlike Neil on ATWT today, EJ is totally believable as someone raised in the UK. Notice the way he pronounces garage and, again, I will point out the scene where EJ eats fish'n'chips the authentic way with salt and vinegar. I have been to the UK 5 times and, overall, the guys there are hot metrosexuals like EJ and not poncey weeds like the stereotype on today's ATWT. So hooray for James Scott and whoever steers EJ away from cultural stereotyping!

GENERAL HOSPITAL amused the hell out of me with the elaborate shenanigans that resulted in photos of Jax and Kate being taken that look like she's giving him a hummer! How on earth is GH going to refer to this storyline in the show? Can you even say "blowjob" on daytime TV? In a more serious storyline, The Unemployed Boyfriend and I were glued to our seats waiting for Lulu to kill Logan, who deserves death for hurting Maxie. Nor have I forgotten the episode where he beat up Spinelli and referred to him as a "little bitch." No, Logan, it is karma that is a bitch and right now that bitch is biting you in the ass.
Speaking of bitches, shouldn't Livia Soprano have popped up in today's episode to snark "Poor you!" at Claudia Zaccarah? God, what a whinger.

Despite poor directing, I was amused to see Reva's (apparently low, low, low budget) movie on GUIDING LIGHT with the changed ending so Josh chooses Reva over Cassie. I chortled at the lookalike playing Cassie in the movie, too. I still feel sorry for Caitlin Van Zandt as she is forced to enact idiotic stories for her character. Caitlin, please contact HBO. They had a hit with JOHN ADAMS and a GEORGE WASHINGTON miniseries must be in the works. You will be perfect as George's epileptic stepdaughter, Patsy. I do not mean that in a pejorative way. You are a real talent and you are wasted on Ellen Wheeler's Cameraphone (TM) when you should be seen in High Definition. Get out of Peapack, Caitlin!

ALL MY CHILDREN, ALL DAY LONG

Oddly, my day was structured so I wound up seeing the first half of AMC before going to work and the second half was on Soapnet when I came back from work. This had the odd effect of making it seem like my shift was some kind of hallucination taking place between commercials; a bad trip that lasted 8 hours. How does AMC hold up to such fragmentation? Well, Carmen's interplay with Adam was fun and Jesse is the man, even in a story as shrugworthy as Richie/Annie. (With Annie killing Richie, that's one down and hopefully one more to go...) On the negative side, the scenes with Cassie and Dre dealing with a drunken NuColby were awful, like scenes put on by your talentless classmates in undergrad drama class. I think Cassie is a bit better than the other newbies. If the writers are smart they'd give her more to do with momma Angie since Debbi Morgan always brings the best out in her fellow performers.

I saw the first segment of THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL as well and Brandon Beemer is back in the soap world, gorgeous as ever. Plus he already has his face and name in the opening credits -- way to go, Brandon, or more likely, Brandon's agent! Despite my initial hopes I am not getting a gay vibe from Brandon's character Owen, more like a skeezy (but hot) straight guy vibe. Still, that's good because it means women in THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL will now have someone to lust after who isn't a) vaguely related to them or b) Jack Wagner.

Saw the merest fragment of the opening to ONE LIFE TO LIVE, but I saw just enough to get excited at the prospect of McBain and Blair as a couple. Hmmmm...are we in for a couple switcheroo with John/Blair/Todd/Marty all switching partners? To go off on a tangent, I have to say again how perfect Susan Haskell would have been as Martha Byrne's replacement as Lily on AS THE WORLD TURNS. Watching Noelle Beck as Lily, you never believe this woman to be vulnerable. She looks hard as nails; if she can't get Holden, you bet she wouldn't give a fig! Susan Haskell is wonderfully fragile but still possessed of an approachability that I don't feel with Noelle Beck. Time to put on my Pollyanna cap now: if Susan was able to be lured back to OLTL after her character was poorly recast, surely the same can apply to Martha Byrne.

HAS SOAP OPERA WEEKLY BEEN READING THIS BLOG?

I noticed in SOAP OPERA WEEKLY's current issue, under "Crazy Rumors Of The Week", it says that Marcus and Owen will be THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL's first gay characters. This is something I wrote about in my post on June 5, VOYAGE OF THE DAMNED. Maybe my other theories will hit the press as well and we'll get some behind-the-scenes shots of Ellen Wheeler holding a Cameraphone (TM) as she terrorizes the cast of GUIDING LIGHT!

I'm still enjoying the PORT CHARLES reruns on Soapnet, but damn -- 2 episodes a week of what was a daily soap are a slow trickle, indeed. ( A similar situation affects those watching EASTENDERS on American PBS, which shows 2 episodes a week of a 4 times a week show. Naturally, PBS can never catch up to current episodes, resulting in 5 year old EASTENDERS storylines slooooowly being played out.) Come on, Soapnet, run at least 5 episodes of PORT CHARLES a week and publicize it a little with commercials focusing on stars Thorsten Kaye and Michael Easton, who are the current leading men of ALL MY CHILDREN and ONE LIFE TO LIVE. It would be a shame to let this unique supernatural soap opera just fade away.

Trying to stay on top of AS THE WORLD TURNS, but only managed to choke down Thursday's DVRed episode tonight. The scenes at summer camp were TORTURE. Why is Sage singing "Good Morning Baltimore" from HAIRSPRAY when the zaftig Faith would be a more suitable choice? What was that song Faith and Natalie sang to each other and am I the only one who finds pubescent sisters singing a love song to each other gross? Why is the Jack and Carly pairing dead in the water? AAAAAARGHHHH
The episode was partly redeemed by an excellent scene where Janet and Jack talked to each other honestly like grown adults, but when I saw the coming attractions for Friday AGAIN highlighting only Holden/Carly and Brad/Janet/Jack/Liberty/Parker, I felt like deleting that show from my DVR. Where is Lucinda to sort everyone out? Why isn't Luke having heart-to-hearts with his parents or aunt at this awful time in his life? I stand by my suspicion that nobody in the ATWT writers' room is talking to anyone else.