"I DON'T DO MEANINGLESS SEX."

You and me both, Alexis.

Anyway, back to the soap world. Yesterday I was talking to The Retired Mom and I was surprised that she watched the Emmys and straight-up loved the hell out of them. She loved the hosts, the gowns and seing Susan Lucci. Yet, she will not watch any soap, let alone ALL MY CHILDREN, which used to be her fave. How can AMC lure my mom (and millions like her) back?

Well, they could take a hint from DAYS OF OUR LIVES and do a major revamp on a popular character, with a peformance that is so well done you have to watch. John Black is such a scream, whether talking about sticky buns or being rude to Sami. AMC should make Erica evil in a John Black kinda way -- wouldn't it be great to see Susan Lucci try something new? And then maybe my Mom will watch soaps again!

While watching GENERAL HOSPITAL, The Unemployed Boyfriend inquired if Spinelli is popular or if it's just us who love him. I think Spinelli is popular because he doesn't feel prepackaged. Soaps are all about pushing characters on the viewers -- how many times are we supposed to accept recasts or newbies we don't like? Spinelli feels organic, like he grew out of some strange herb mixture smoked by the writing staff. (Yes, I have been continuing my WEEDS marathon!) Soaps want us to love looking at glamourous, gorgeous characters but I think some soap viewers feel more like Spinelli -- social outsiders looking at unattainable beauty, whether it be Maxienista or your own favorite soap crush. His tenuous status in the soap world -- no girlfriend, no family ties -- makes him a little less like a soap character and a little more like us. That is the secret of Spinelli's fan following. Plus, he calls people funny names.