SWEET SIXTEEN

Starr is totally right to give her baby up to Marcie. How on earth can Cole be ready for fatherhood after he pulled that "Are you saying that us making love was stupid?" nonsense. Actually, Cole, fucking without a condom was pretty damn stupid, you dipshit. Good thing we had Tina's way adorable dog, DavidVickers, giving paw to Sarah to distract me from wanting to beat up Cole, Todd Manning-style.

DAYS OF OUR LIVES continued to intrigue, if not completely compel. (ONE LIFE TO LIVE is tough competition for my attention, DOOL.) Are they really going to make Nicole Max's biological mother?? Talk about MILF! I also liked a shirtless EJ. One thing I saw months ago that I forgot to mention -- LOVED that episode where EJ is eating fish'n'chips and explained he was having it the authentic British way, with salt and vinegar! Little touches like that show me that someone is paying attention. (Actually, having real fish'n'chips in London with EJ right now is pretty much my definition of Personal Heaven.)

GENERAL HOSPITAL set up a contrived situation to quarantine Spinelli, Vixenella and Stone Cold with a case of Asian flu, but I accepted the implausibility to see these people interact. Spinelli and Vixenella's bonding over hacking was very cute. As for the rest of the show, Kate needs to grab Carly's face, give it a good hard push, and say "If you get up in my business again, I will kill you." (OK, I have been watching too much WEEDS. Not that you can ever watch too much WEEDS, but the characters' behavior tends to rub off on you. Wait a minute -- where does Spinelli buy his pot from? Ooooh -- WEEDS/GH Crossover!! Bradford Anderson was born to be on WEEDS!) And Johnny Zacchara can continue to keep his shirt off; it is 90 degrees in Los Angeles! All the Emmy nominees are going to MELT on the red carpet tomorrow!!

Speaking of melted...I will now forever hate GUIDING LIGHT for putting the following image in my head. Dinah was blathering on about baby shower games. One such game is handing baby shower attendees diapers filled with melted candy bars (!) and they have to guess what the candy bar was. How incredibly vile. I guess Ellen Wheeler is so wrapped up in her Cameraphone (TM) she neglects to actually read the scripts. What was the point of that scene? To force GL's ratings to drop below 1.5 as people turn off in disgust?