"You can call me Daddy, Blair."

The heat today in Los Angeles is pretty friggin' unbearable and when you combine that with a night of insomnia you've got one zonked Unemployed Soap Viewer who is not able to focus on ANYTHING. So is it any wonder I flipped between soaps today, unable to commit to anything except a DVRed AS THE WORLD TURNS that I will watch later when the sun goes down?

All I can say about THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS is that if I were Victoria, and my Dad was marrying my best friend, I wouldn't come to the wedding either! I know Vicki will eventually show up, but I wish she wouldn't.

ALL MY CHILDREN continues to bore when Jesse and Angie ain't around. I'm glad Billy is leaving and that Aiden hit him. I like Thorsten Kaye. I find it hard to care about Kendall or Greenlee lately. I am not warming up to Colby's recast, nor to Babe's recast, who will always be The Killer Night Shift Nurse to me. (Am I the only one who remembers Spinelli lost his virginity to Jolene on NS? You think he'd feel a bit more confident with the laydeez.)

THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL continues to confuse. Hooray to Robin Riker as Beth; I've liked her since her role in ALLIGATOR! However, what's up with the invented backstory that Beth helped Donna through her teenage pregnancy? I remember Donna when she was played by Carrie Mitchum and all she did was go back and forth between Mark and Rocco. Donna was NOT pregnant, ever! And Jack Wagner doesn't seem right with anyone but Brooke. These attempts to forge a Nick/Bridget/Katie love triangle just aren't working. I previusly wrote that B&B needs some gay characters, because it takes place in LA's fashion industry. I take it back. What this show needs is more straight male characters so everyone stops mooning over Nick, Ridge or Eric!

One show that is really working it is ONE LIFE TO LIVE. David's marriage to Addie was a genuine surprise. And it affects EVERYONE on the show: Dorian, Blair and the entire Buchanan clan who will shit themselves if the Buchanan heir is married to Dorian's sister! Plus, Addie is going into this with open eyes. I love comic relief characters who gain depth.

DAYS OF OUR LIVES seemed to have good bits, but the meaning of today's action was obscure to me. Why is Max so mad? Who is Nicole afraid of? Who's going to kill Morgan's dad? Why am I watching this when ONE LIFE TO LIVE is so much livelier? Still, Roscoe Born is great casting as Max's abusive father and I continue to dig John Black.

GUIDING LIGHT is not as good a show as GENERAL HOSPITAL, but GL hypnotized me with the theme song, which I unironically sang along to. And Spinelli wasn't featured on today's GH, so I thougth I'd check out Springfield. Wow -- how many scenes can we have of people eating cake? And why is Natalia still on the show? She has no son, huisband, love interest, (well, Frank, sorta) and only one frenemy. Does Ellen Wheeler realize that her show last peaked in January of 2007 and that since then everything has referred back to the Jonathan/Tammy story without ever moving forward? At least we have Reva, Buzz and Jeffrey. I wish they would all move to Oakdale so the LIGHT could be put out. (And they can bring Alan, Ashlee and Vanessa with them.)

Didn't watch much of GH. I like Maxie at work. I love Diane and Alexis together, talking about bad boys. I hate Carly and how she makes everything about her. She should be grateful for the publicity of Kate staging a fashion shoot in her hotel, not accusing Kate of trying to steal Jax! Priorities, woman!

So what have I learned from watching all soaps other than ATWT today? OLTL rocks, GH can irritate occasionally but mostly engages, all other soaps are intermittently entertaining except for GL which needs to go away. Where will today's ATWT rank in my personal pantheon?